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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that my house guest wont babysit on NYE??

46 replies

nowwearefour · 12/12/2007 15:23

A friend of mine is from down under and didnt even ask but presumed she could come and stay for several weeks with me whilst she finds a job/place to live. She did ask what she could contribute but i assumed she meant ie to household expenses. i said no but she could buy some food and do some babysitting for us. she has bought 2 loaves of bread and 2 pints of milk whilst eating whatever food i have in the house including raiding my freezer when i was away for a week. i am getting a bit annoyed with it all anyway but we thought at least we could go out on NYE and she just let me know she has plans so cant sit for us! I am v v v annoyed but not sure if i should be or not. We are thinking we will have to say something for her to leave but it is very awkward as she doesnt really have anywhere else to go and always hard to have these kinds of chats with a friend. She has been temping so earning money since the first day she arrived btw so money is not a problem for her. Any views?

OP posts:

turquoise · 13/12/2007 07:53

"Never, ever buy a sofabed if you know any Australians would be my number one tip for modern urban living" - Quote of the week for me!

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but actually don't think I'd feel able to trust or rely on her for the NYE thing if this is her idea of ok behaviour.

Original poster

nowwearefour · 13/12/2007 09:29

She didnt just turn up on my doorstep but sent me an email saying that she was arriving in the uk on this date and needed a bed for a few weeks and could i pick her up from the airport. i am just too soft to do anything other than comply- although i make other arrangements for her to get to my house as i couldnt have managed an early morning trip to heathrow with a 2 yr old and a 6month old!! DH and i hav etaken the message from what you guys have said and wont make an issue of NYE but do need to think about how to broach getting rid of her. it is going to be hard. i am suffering from depression and just needing the easiest route in life at the mo- conflict is not something i am looking forward to which is why i have gone along with it so far. but it is getting in the way of family life so something needs to be done....

OP posts:

CarmenerryChristmas · 13/12/2007 09:44

NWAF there is NOTHING wrong with sitting her down and telling her that life with two small dc's is tough and that being depressed isn't helping and that having your house on the market is making it even more tough. Tell her you have to reduce stress in your life - Something has to give and it has to be her. If you put it like that, she won't even bat an eye, she will just move out.

soopermum1 · 13/12/2007 12:53

my BIL from Oz stayed with us when he came over to London. I kinda pushed him/encouraged him/whatever you want to call it into a south african/australian houseshare nearby. a few years later he thanked me for doing that as they were all much more fun for a young single guy than we were.

ninedragons · 13/12/2007 13:22

Don't fret about it - while you're contorting yourself about the awkwardness of the inevitable conversation, she seems to be pretty thick-skinned and I'd imagine will be fairly blithe about the whole thing.

Just say, look, it's been lovely to see you again. But there's no reason you would realise exactly how tough it is with two small children, we need to get back to our routine, can you let me know what your arrangements are for moving on?

NAB3littlemonkeys · 13/12/2007 13:24

Did she agree to some baby sitting as payment in kind for board and lodgings? If so, the the issue might be because it is NYE and she wants to go out herself. BTW How well do the children know her if she has come from Oz?

NAB3littlemonkeys · 13/12/2007 13:24

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 13/12/2007 13:40

I'd have words about her taking the piss with the food aspect, but you can't expect her to babysit for you on the one night a year mot single people and tons that get babysitters go out. It's not like it's just a regular night.

Original poster

nowwearefour · 13/12/2007 16:52

to be honest yes i think the babysitting was part of the 'payment' of the deal but i didnt specify nye at the time and prob should have if it was that important to me...is more just the principle i am doing her a HUGE favour and she cant even give up one night out for us. but there we go. i wont be making an issue of it...

OP posts:

mm22bys · 13/12/2007 17:26

I think YABU to assume that she would babysit for you on NYE, it's probably one of the main reasons she has hung around so long!

YANBU though to think she has been taking the piss in all the other respects. It is really poor that so many (fellow) Aussies do this, it gives all of us a bad name!

We have been here coming up 10 years, and did stay for 2 weeks with some friends when we first came here, but that was it - got reasonably well-paid jobs pretty quickly then we were on our own two feet, and did return the favour to some friends when they came, but this weeks-on-end malarkey should be banned!

pinetreedog · 13/12/2007 17:42

tell her to bugger orf

don't expect her to babysit

daydreambeliever · 14/12/2007 05:36

Actually its probably true, as other posters have said, that the 'time for you to go' conversation probably will bother you much more than her. I mean chances are you'll be sweating for days about it, and tying yourself in knots afterwards, and she'll just be like, oh yeah , ok, i thought you might be wanting me to head off now.

A friend of DH took the piss in lots of astonishingly selfish ways during a prolonged stay with us.After 6 long weeks I cracked and booted him out and we parted ways on bad terms. DH then had him as best man when we married a few years later! I was a bit worried at the time that it would be awkward- but in fact I think he barely remembers the whole issue. He is just a bit of a scrounger ( and also an alcoholic) and I think has left so many houses in similar circumstances that its just water off a ducks back.

Oh and one more thing- I wouldnt actually trust this girl to babysit, especially if she's reluctant, she could get up to any antics.

Original poster

nowwearefour · 13/01/2008 17:07

if anyone remembers this post we finally got rid of her today!!! but not all her stuff yet. but we got her keys back!!!!!

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 13/01/2008 17:17

That took a while!

hertsnessex · 13/01/2008 17:26

well done you!!!!!! bet it feels better already!

Original poster

nowwearefour · 14/01/2008 08:21

she left after 3 months having done 1 supermarket shop and no card/ gift on arrival not even a christmas card or gift for the girls. i am so staggered. i didnt do it for that but can you believe it. i know we were stupid but it was a v stressful time for us and in the end we did say something which is why she is now gone. she wont be staying with us again needless to say! beware you people! be strong and set ground rules at the beginning!

OP posts:

lazarou · 14/01/2008 08:41

Excellent! You kicked the freeloading idiot out, hurrah!

ninedragons · 15/01/2008 00:30

She did sound like a particularly obnoxious guest.

What did you say? Was there screaming and flinging of crockery?

kizzie · 15/01/2008 16:08

I love the quote about house guests and fish : 'any longer than fish and they go off!!!!'

At the mo we have DH grown up son staying with us for 2 1/2 months. I love him and he's fab - but its really starting to wear thin now. Dread to think what it would be like if we didnt actually get on.

I just didnt realise how much i need my own space

kizzie · 15/01/2008 16:09

silly cow - I mean 'any longer than 3 days!!!!!'

Original poster

nowwearefour · 16/01/2008 20:34

yes it is a long time i feel for you. but family is different in one way ie you dont resent them being there in quite the same way perhaps. i wont be doing it again!! i got dh to talk about it to her- just said we need her out by a certain date (when we genuinely do have a guest and her 2 kids coming) and we needed her to buy some food (she went to the supermarket once!!!). she did not say anything apparently. all very odd.

OP posts:

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