AIBU to ask is this bullying?

[Beachmummy23]

My daughter has been friends with the same group for a while. They are a group of bright girls and occasionally have little squabbles but have always sorted it out.

This term it has been different one girl in the group has been targeting my daughter (6) refusing to allow her to play, calling her names fat (she's not)etc, saying her face is too scary for younger children. This has been going on for several weeks now and my daughter is coming home in tears daily. If this one girl is off then everything is fine. When she is in then the rest of the group generally will join in being horrible although on the odd occasion they will stick up for her.

The issue is that my daughter thinks they are her friends and something is wrong with her. She won't tell a teacher as they have told her if she does they will get her in trouble. I have raised it with the school.

My daughter is like a different child to the start of this term. She lacks confidence and tells me she is sad all the time. School seem to think this is just squabbles but am I unreasonable to say this is bullying?

Yes, it's bullying. Bring it to the attention of the school and insist it's dealt with

Yes it is. At the very least it's very unpleasant behaviour and needs to be stopped.

Of course it’s bullying. Get a copy of the schools anti-bullying policy (it should be on their website but if it isn’t ask for it) and go through it step by step and insist they adhere to it.

It's bullying. My bet is that she's very pretty, clever or both and these girls are jealous.

Your poor DD. Yes. That’s bullying. Put it in writing to the school. Check out their policy too so you know your rights.

Yes this is bullying. Poor little girl.

@furbabymama87

It's bullying. My bet is that she's very pretty, clever or both and these girls are jealous.

Thank you all, the school made me think I was crazy for thinking it was bullying.

She is very tall for her age and pretty. She is also top of the class in everything according to her teacher, but is incredibly kind and works hard. She is deliberately not completing work now to avoid positive praise by the teachers as it makes it worse.

Poor little girl. It’s definitely bullying but these things are so difficult to deal with. It’s possible the school are playing it down because they are not good at handling situations like this.

It is bullying and it's having a detrimental affect on your child's emotional well-being (returning home from school crying each day isn't normal part of school experience!) and her academic wellbeing

If school don't respond to nip it in the bud, ask for their anti-bullying policies and make a complaint to head teacher And next stage is copy to School governors and ask for support a school is breaching their anti bullying policies

If it's still not deal with, report to Ofsted that they are failing to deal with bullying, copying your letters to them and chronology

Oh no this is bullying

Girls are horrible until sixth form when they grow up a little

Please push this with the school. Otherwise it could ruin your daughter's confidence

This is definitely bullying and it needs to be properly dealt with. The girls involved also need to learn early on that this type of behaviour is not acceptable and can have long term consequences on people’s self esteem and mental health for you and your dd. Bullying is awful.

If they're only six I wouldn't start assuming it's because she's prettier, cleverer etc. At that age there isn't always a reason; they're nowhere near emotionally aware enough to understand the consequences of their actions and can still lack empathy. So please don't tell your DD they're jealous, it won't help.
I would go to the school and ensure they're taking action, and also try to encourage her to make other friends. My DD is the same age and often comes home saying her "friends" have said something unkind, yet still plays with them. I just tell her she's not tied to anyone, she can play with whoever she likes.

Bullying. Keep on top of it and keep on at school. Try and expand her friendship group eg invite another child from outside group to tea or activities like Rainbows.

It is bullying and you need to ensure that it is dealt with. Schools can be very good at minimising.

It is the very definition of bullying. To add to the previous replies, please consider getting her some extra mental health support to build her confidence and resilience. Sometimes kids get picked on precisely because they’re lacking these things and are seeking external validation (praise for good grade and good looks mean so much to a child with doesn’t have strong internal validation)- which a bully can pick up on and exploit. Let her know it’s not her fault and discuss ways for her to respond and deal in an empowering way for her. In addition to and separately from the school dealing with it. Try and help her feel like she has agency in resolving the situation. It’s a horrible lesson to have to face so early but you’re not powerless and can turn it around in a way to give her lifelong resilience and communication skills.

Sorry, Im a bit confused, is your DD 6y/o?

Yes, bullying, needs dealing with. A good teacher will find a way to do it.
And if the other children have said there will be trouble if she tells a teacher, they know they're in the wrong.

Meanwhile, playdates with the ones who are just being influenced by the ringleader? Might strengthen those friendships and make it more likely that those kids will push against the ringleader.

(DD was at one point sat on the same table as the class Queen Bee and friend N, a neighbour of ours, with whom she sometimes played out of school. They were very unpleasant to her, but DD understood very well that N did it because she needed to to stay friends with Queen Bee, so found it very easy to forgive N. We were all very relieved when Queen Bee moved school.)

Yes she is

@GaryLurcher19

Sorry, Im a bit confused, is your DD 6y/o?

Yes she is 6.

I'm so sorry your DD is being bullied, strong action needed. Keep on at the school before this gets any worse. To be honest, at 6, I'd be tempted to find another school if I wasn't happy with their response.

Yes it’s bullying. I would definitely take it up with the school but I’d also be teaching your daughter to stick up for herself so she can nip similar situations in the bud in future. This will also massively increase her confidence and self-esteem.

The odd bully at primary school tried to upset me by saying nasty personal things to me and I learned from a young age that if you can make a cutting comment back immediately it stops the bully in their tracks and makes them wary of targeting you in future. Might be a bit late for the current scenario as it sounds quite entrenched but being “nice” won’t help your daughter if similar happens again.

My mantra for my kids is “you don’t start any trouble but feel free to fight back!”

As someone else says get a copy of the schools policy on bullying and make sure they stick to it

Yes, it is bullying. It is a clear pattern of repeated behaviour intended to hurt and intimidate your daughter. If the school are not taking it seriously you need to escalate. Get a copy of their bullying policy and follow the procedures that should be laid out there. Normally, you would escalate from the teacher to the head to the governors. Your daughter needs you to fight for her.

@Tonkerbea

I'm so sorry your DD is being bullied, strong action needed. Keep on at the school before this gets any worse. To be honest, at 6, I'd be tempted to find another school if I wasn't happy with their response.

Agree with this: