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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset at dh for even asking about going to football tonight

17 replies

melsy · 12/12/2007 14:50

after the months and week we've just had??? He didnt even consider the group I go to every Wednesday , just completely selfishly called up from work saying someones got a spare ticket. Its besides the point that Im too unwell to go to my evening grp.

I cant even be arsed to change my name Im so exhausted , depressed and hacked off with it all.

He then says he feels like a 14yr old when he asks me , I said its due to the fact that hes acting like one , not a 35yr old man with unwell wife and dd1 whos only just had surgery and to top it all Ive been up half the night with. Actually many nights with.

He wouldn't stop going on so I had to keep putting the phone down , and he just kept on bloody ringing back and carrying on about it all. Like its really important right now.

He wont even come home earlier to help with bed as he says he cant as hes missed so much work with dd1 being in hospital , but he sure as hell leaves the office early if they need one of their piss ups meetings .

Ive just sat sobbing, I cant believe his behaviour right now.

Im astounded , I don't know whats got into him. Hes got his office part this week too, which is really shitty timing.

OP posts:

Original poster

melsy · 12/12/2007 14:53

I know what he'll throw at me , the fact that hes looked after everyone due to me being in bed unwell at the weekend and him having to be up early with the dd's, cook , clean and give medicine. Jobs normally shared between us , ( or mainly expected of me being mum and woman and all that) , but it couldn't be helped.

OP posts:

dividedselfridgesxmaswindow · 12/12/2007 14:55

I think he needs to go, but in the same convo you need to discuss meeting your needs some time this week.

Am I alloed to suggest that?

JinglyJangly · 12/12/2007 14:56

nothing to say other than he is being a selfish prat.

Original poster

melsy · 12/12/2007 15:03

Well I was inclined to just tell him to go divide. A sort of giving him enough rope with which to hang himself style!

OP posts:

fransmom · 12/12/2007 15:04

oh melsy i am sorry you been feeling so poorly. that's the thing with piss ups meetings, if he can go straight from work he will do but if it involves leaving early for you, well, that's another matter. i had the same with dd's dad, he wouldn't arrange to work permanent days so that he could see me more at home when dd was in bed and i had pnd, but now we split then suddenly he can arrrange that if he wants to

personally, i think that if i was him (obv a nicer version [wink}) then i would consider the footy bu then say sorry mate i can't go, i needed at home. he should be more of a man and actually stand up for his poorly family than spend time with his colleagues. so in that respect i also agree with jj. when dd's dad turned round and said similar to me, i just said well now you know what i have to do when you snore your head off and hse has had bad dream/been poorly/ etc.

((((((((((((((melsy)))))))))))))

Original poster

melsy · 12/12/2007 15:07

hes texted to say he wont go , so Ive texted to say:

you know what just go , I can do withought grumpy bear here!!

My dad always says to just let em go and be prats if they need to.

Im fuming though and so let down and hurt. He never ever used to be quite like this , and I need his support more than ever ad hes doing everything he can to step away and suit himself more and more.

OP posts:

Original poster

melsy · 12/12/2007 15:11

oh and I also said he obviously needed some time out.

OP posts:

fransmom · 12/12/2007 15:16

oh sweetheart i can understand you feeling let down and hurt. when is he likely to get back? i am onlibrary pc atm so my time on here is likely to expire in about 5 minutes or so.

if he back late, go to bed early and just not leave any dinner for him. if he mintions anything the next day, maybe you could say something like oh we managed just fine without you kind of thing. hopefully he might actually sit down and think of things in a different way?

fm xxx

EricScrooge · 12/12/2007 15:18

That is selfish.

Wednesday night is always football night for me too - but there are many things that have come up in the past that override it.

This would be one of them for sure.

We are not all like that.

fransmom · 12/12/2007 15:20

Original poster

melsy · 12/12/2007 15:34

ahhhhh hi fransmom , sorry didnt mention a hello to you in my ranting.

OP posts:

SelfishMrsClaus · 12/12/2007 15:48

I'd let him go. I'd rather be alone to be sick in peace than have to listen to a crabit bastard who obviously didn't want to come home to me...

but that's me.. anything for a quiet life.

Original poster

melsy · 12/12/2007 16:10

My sentiments too selfishclaus. Hes going, so even when you give them the noose they still hang themselves. He says its been hard on him recently too and as I said he could go, he is! He said I said it with a tone of voice , which I know I didnt, but thats HIS OWN GUILT warping it not mine!

Hes allowing me a takeaway !!!!

He phoned with an olive branch of being nice and not arguing , but then started carrying on again how things need to be fair and eqaul both ways & that he doesnt go out that much (no just comes in at 3am pissed every other week when Ive had no sleep from dd1 being up ill for months and therefore is to knackered to help the next day)YOu would think , aftr his comment that I had been partying fgs as then goes on to mention the whole "well yu go out every wednesday evening" thing. Well yes I do ,as Ive had no life except being in this house.He then said well you have had a few coffee mornings. . Hardly you twit, Ive been tending my child during months and months of illness since the summer holidays , during surgery and in bed myself this weekend (bad timing I know after her surgery) , with ilness.

OP posts:

Original poster

melsy · 12/12/2007 18:02

ahhh gawd, I cant believe hes going out tonight, its like a bad dream and then I remember hes out Friday too. He stinks right now he really does.

I wouldnt be so upset normally , if things were normal(no illness) in this house life would feel very different ,I would have been out and about seeing people , doing things and may be having organised sitters for me to be out too, but its not appropriate right now or even possible with me not well either and I only have dh as adult company right now with dd1 being unwell/recovering.

IT ALL IS A BIG PILE OF RUBBISH .

OP posts:

fransmom · 13/12/2007 15:26

oh sweetheart, i am sorry i not more helpful today as we in library and dd keeps running off.

i hope you slept well and i shall speak more soon. do you still have my email addy?

fm xxx

Original poster

melsy · 13/12/2007 16:40

Another rough night really fransmom, as dd1 was in pain and woke up several times till about 3am. Dh just kept on shouting at her . Im feeling pretty rough today myself , still coughing , but just so drained. He said he would be home early , but Ive heard that before. No doubt after bed time as he tells me he cant leave that ealry to be home in time , (he does work an hr or so away).

Are your intials DH fransmom? I think I may still have your email if so.

OP posts:

fransmom · 16/12/2007 13:30

oh no. children can't help being ill and she really doesn't need to be shouted at by her dad, that would jus make her feel worse.

it does sound like you still have my email address, send us an email and i will try and respond as soon as possible.

hows your weekend been? it sounds liek you're starting to feel like i did when xp was playing up, i started to feel more and more like a single mom, it sounds like you were the one to get up and help her even though you're still not well yourself.

what time does he finish work (or supposed to finish)? depending on the traffic, it may well take that amount of time to get home depending on how far away you live. maybe when you better, you could do a test drive to see what the conditions are like at the time? it may help ease your mind a little.

((((((((((((((((melsy)))))))))))))))))))

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