I met a wonderful man early this year . We get on so well and have tonnes in common. When we are together it’s fantastic but insecurity has started to creep in for me as it has become serious for me.
Although separated for many years he isn’t divorced. They got back together for a period a few years ago for the children and have been split again for three years. They coparent together 50/50 and live very close to one another.
We haven’t met one another’s children. I don’t have an ex on the scene so I don’t have these issues.
The wife has another partner that lives with her. Even so my partner is running round doing all sorts for her which I feel is a little unnecessary. She is a very strong personality and he hates to rock the boat. She talks to him about her relationship and then calls up with the most ridiculous requests - she is on speaker phone so I hear it. He tends to comply. He says it is all for the children’s benefit. I suspect he just does anything for a quiet life. If she is upset she gets drunk and passes out which upsets the kids.
He tells me the children know about me but will not tell them if he isn’t having them and we are on a date or something. We have had mini breaks. If they call him he will say he is out doing something else. He is a good dad and I do find it attractive how he wants to spend so much time with them. I do feel it is an unnecessary thing to lie to them though and have told him so. I assume this is because the ex doesn’t know about me unless they kids have told her .. Then I start to wonder if the kids don’t know either.. He swears they do.
This is a good relationship other than this. We have a fair amount of time on our own and it’s brilliant but I am attached now and concerned about the future heartache. He talks about the future a lot and us all spending time together but nothing happens in terms of solid plans. His wider family and friends do know all about us. They are glad he has found someone new that makes him happy.
I totally understand not wanting to introduce kids too early especially when they have had upheaval. My kids know about him. If we are on a date il tell them the truth. His what I see as dishonesty upsets me. It isn’t about meeting them.
I have asked him about the divorce he says she just makes a huge fuss and won’t sort it out or threatens to hire expensive solicitors when it should be simple.
He hasn’t ever had a relationship with anyone else or introduced the kids to anyone. He feels huge guilt they are from a “broken home” although it seems they were very volatile as a couple.
I have been cheated on in the past. The vast majority of this is so good but the insecurity I am feeling isn’t nice. I have told him how I feel he says I am being silly and quite plausibly says he will talk to her about the divorce and explains it away.
AIBU to be feeling insecure about this situation? Or is it just life when you are dating in your 50s…