AIBU to say no to (some) invites?!

[doorornottodoor]

Pre Covid I was quite a big drinker and liked a good night out. I’ve given up drinking (gave up over a year ago.)

I’ve been invited to a few things and ones that I’d previously have said yes to I just don’t fancy! It’s not all the invites. It’s ones where I’m not so fussed about one or two of the people going. I’ll be sober too.

So AIBU to be more choosy? My husband keeps saying “it’s a nice invite” yes it is but I find the people a bit annoying! And can’t drink my way through it any more

Anyone else? Also to be honest I am still a wee bit nervous about being around loads of people indoors Covid wise. Have said no to a big post rugby pub crawl for that reason.

I feel like this more as I get older. They can't make you go!

Be as choosy as you like.

You don't have to go to something that you know you won't enjoy.

Why do you think it would be unreasonable to say no?

If your husband thinks it's a nice invite then he can go - you don't have to both go!

why would it be not ok to say no?

I don't understand.
YABU to ask this question

Why would you think it would be unreasonable not to accept every invitation. Did you never decline anything pre-covid?

Surely people only accept things that they want to go to, I can't be the only person who politely turns down things I don't want to go to can I?

It's an invite, not a summons

I'm choosy these days too OP. I'm far less sociable than pre-COVID and I have to really want to go somewhere to make the effort, or I spend the whole time wishing I was at home with a box-set.

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

I feel like this more as I get older. They can't make you go!

Indeed. I hate dos of any kind now and get nowty if I feel obliged to go.

No need to go if you don't want to. Nor do you need 'excuses' not to go. Just a simple 'Kind of you to invite me, but no, I'll not be coming, thanks," is all that's needed. The more you try and give reasons or excuses, the more complicated it will get with people trying to get round any 'problems' you might have.
Enjoy your other activities.

Thanks.

To answer a few questions.

I probably did say yes to most things pre Covid/not drinking. Because I liked going out (good excuse l to have a drink )and because I had FOMO probably. But mainly because I liked most people who invited me!

The current two invites I’m questioning are a big birthday party for a very old friend and secondly a mums get together (I really like 2 of those going, find 1 very annoying, find another ok and don’t know the last one!) I just can’t really be bothered. Although I’ve not been asked out by this friend before and I do like her. Makes it harder to say no.

Birthday bash - I’ve grown apart from the very old friend and find them quite annoying/don’t agree with their views . Husband wants to go as he’s more easygoing. He’s happy to go without me.

Just trying to unpick my feelings as a lot of non drinking issues and feelings are coming up that I’ve not had to deal with due to lockdown. Just trying to recalibrate as a sober person!

It’s actually perfectly fine to be selective about how you spend your time. Well done by the way for the abstaining. I’m finding at my age and stage of life (menopausal woman) I enjoy the company of my dear friends but cannot be bothered any more with casual acquaintances and those whom I find irritating. Is that my fault or problem? Maybe but I don’t care and my life is infinitely better now I don’t do all the dutiful activities I no longer fancy. Stick by your guns OP in just doing what makes you happy and keeps you healthy.

Being honest helps both ways, I find. If I thought my friends felt in some way obliged to do everything I invited them to, I might be a bit more choosy about what I suggest. Whereas because I know they'll say if they don't fancy it, we put different suggestions out there with no pressure implied!

No way I’m telling an old friend I can’t be bothered going to her big birthday party!

@Babymamamama thank you! We sound a similar age.