Do you buy gifts for friends?

[Pedalpushers]

So I have a friend who like me, is in her early 30s, married, been friends for about 15 years.

She is very much a presents person, buying gifts for every occasion including Christmas, birthdays, engagements, house moves, new jobs etc etc. I would say it is nice except she also very much expects to receive gifts for all these herself and will bitch about people who don't get her birthday presents etc and suggest they aren't good friends.

I don't exchange gifts with any other friends on a regular basis and frankly I'm getting tired of it, I don't want any gifts myself and I'm a bit annoyed by the obligation. I'm currently in the phase where everyone is getting married and having babies and I am happy to get wedding gifts or something small for a new baby, but am I being unreasonable in wanting to put a stop to this constant pressure of gifting for birthdays etc? It seems like everyone I know is cutting back on the numbers of people they buy gifts for but this one friend isn't getting the message!

This also drives me bananas. You might just have to tell her, you can't keep up with it! I had a child/ got married later than all my friends and honestly felt like I was being bled dry!

Only three - my best mate, (and her kids but I don't mind that as they are my godchildren and I have no kids), and two friends I share an allotment with. The latter two I only get small stuff - maybe a small planter for the garden, or garden gloves. This year they are getting bee bomb wild flower seed things for under a tenner. I don't get for anyone else - spent far too long buying for them, their kids, and not getting anything back.

@blueskiesoutthere haha yes exactly! Also it's things like, buying a housewarming gift for their first ever house - lovely gesture, happy to do that. Except they moved and it seems I was expected to buy another one?

Gifts for new babies and significant birthdays only.

With one group of friends we buy a birthday joint present, £20 each, and a small Secret Santa.

Only one - I've stopped Christmas presents with her though. I would like to stop birthday presents too, as we don't live close, and make a point of doing something to celebrate both of our birthdays at some point in the year together instead.

I've just stopped with a more local friend - we're both more interested in decluttering now.

I recently did the love languages quiz and gifts came out at 0% for me! I don't think I've ever thought they were that sensible but over the years various things have put me off them more and more...I would very happily completely stop them with everyone apart from my own DC.

Reminds me of the sex and the city episode where Carrie marries herself for the shoes! 😝

How can you be friends with someone for 15yrs and be unable to tell them it's time to stop swapping gifts? Just tell her you are stopping, give reasons if you want or not, then don't buy anything.

I buy gifts for significant birthdays, one friend I exchange Christmas presents with (always no more than a token - usually we make something for each other - she's a sewer I'm a knitter), and another friend we buy a present for each others pet at Christmas.
I occasionally buy a spontaneous gift - if I am at a craft fair or something and spot something I know a friend would enjoy (I have a fudge loving friend and if I see some nice homemade fudge I will buy her a bag). But it is all very informal and always very small things even for 'big' birthdays. Also new baby/grandchild etc I would get a gift.

We all agreed to stop buying for each others children years ago as it was much too expensive. And none of us would be offended if the other forgot or just send a card or greeting for birthdays.

I think you need to be upfront with your friend and say you are not doing gifts any more as you can't afford it/are cutting down on material waste/ don't have time/ just don't want to. If you see her regularly maybe agree to each treat each other to a lunch out when you meet or something like that. If she's offended, then she's offended. It seems a bit of a pointless exercise if she is only giving to receive and if she is costing up how much presents are worth then she's really not cottoned on to the meaning behind gift giving.

I do with a couple of them, one is a small token gift, probably a bit pointless, the other we love doing birthdays and just because gifts as I think we both buy unusual and lovely personal things that are fabulous to receive so we both enjoy doing it.

I buy my friends a pint on their birthday.

Though I usually get their kids a small token on birthday/Xmas, like a book or a small toy or something.

@Blueskiesoutthere

Reminds me of the sex and the city episode where Carrie marries herself for the shoes! 😝

I'm thinking of doing that for myself tbh. I've bought a million flippin baby shower/child birthday presents. I reckon I'm owed an iPhone by this point.

No. I used to when I was in my 20s and it was dreadful - one of my friends and her DP were on about triple the income my then-partner and I were on at the time. I could never think of anything to get them, especially as they were very fussy people, and the whole thing was usually an embarrassing waste of money.

Now, I only ever buy a gift for a friend if it's a one-off such as a special birthday.

I make a point of saying at Christmas that I only exchange presents with close family; and I never mention my birthday till after the event.