I'm going through a bit of a strange period at the moment, so sorry for the stream of crap that's going to follow!
I'm wondering if I might be depressed.
My husband has long-term depression and anxiety. The mortgage and bills are mainly paid by me alone. I also do the majority of household admin and cleaning.
I had been ill a few years ago, physical issues linked with stress, at a time when my boss was having a breakdown so I had to cover his job, my mum had cancer and my husband had stopped working altogether. I started looking after myself a bit better, lost some weight and exercised more.
Then Covid hit and slowly all those good habits went away.
I just feel overwhelmed by it all, and frozen at the same time. I work too much, but don't seem to be able to do a good enough job in my own eyes. I think my marriage is over and don't even care when my husband hides away in bed or on his computer for 22 hours a day, in fact it's a relief, but can't summon the words to talk to him about it. I have no motivation and procrastinate all the time. I can sit with my laptop on my knee 'doing work' while the TV is on and I'm scrolling on my phone simultaneously, just to keep my brain busy.
I hate feeling like a failure, but don't know how to get out of this rut.