To expect him to put the bloody ironing board away!!

[LizLemonsGlasses]

DH has left it, slap bang in the middle of my office, where he has set it up (for some reason he didn't choose to do this in the utility room where it's kept). He wasn't even bloody ironing a shirt, he was leaning on it to customise a t shirt with some stupid message for a friend's birthday. Anyway, he's just gone off to work and left it there. Right in the middle of my room. He wasn't in a rush, and it would have literally taken 10 seconds to fold and put back in the room next door.

This just screams to me: I can't be arsed putting this away - you do it. Same with the hoover (on the rare occasions he takes it out). Same with ALL items for recycling, left on the kitchen worktops, yoghurt lids, empty milk cartons, packaging/rubbish for the bin. It's all left where it sits - usually inches away from the actual bin. I don't think he consciously chooses for me to do it instead, but who does he think eventually puts them where they're supposed to go - the bloody recycling fairy??

I'm pissed off with this today. I just hate the lack of respect attached to this kind of behaviour and the fact that he can't see it, or how much it annoys me.

Rant over. Feel free to share your own DH/DP's equally selfish minor infringements which give your the rage.

Not unbuttoning shirts before putting them in the washing

Pick it up and dump it on his side of the bed. Along with everything else he leaves in your way.

www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288?guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAFktc8Gjvtewc4cM7nqXQL_XtQlJ4KbJFeMn7qIA-l8S26jB6k-wo8TSyjSkkArfsPhstaqdq86irxhQ-N75wef4Ck5IPRScBQWDMyfHlbITNzdt9fTi-cYbEgswfoJowzVTkN6JkmShQVxezObVsLtPJlweMPyx7lc-c0TYg3F&guccounter=2

Sorry huge link!

Oh dh does that with the hoover. I think he wants me to know he did the hoovering. I have also come in and found the bucket and mop standing in the middle if the floor.
' OK l get it..you just washed out the floors!'
No matter how many times l say the job is not finished until stuff is put away it continues. He says he gets distracted. Say that's what happened to your dh this morning. So excited about his new T-shirt!! You have my sympathy!!!

@dancemom

Pick it up and dump it on his side of the bed. Along with everything else he leaves in your way.

Yep, this.

Leaving things out for you to do is disrespectful on his part.

I don't think he consciously chooses for me to do it instead
No. He subconsciously thinks these are your jobs.

No matter how many times l say the job is not finished until stuff is put away it continues
Who eventually puts it away?

I was also going to suggest dumping it on his side of the bed or in front of something like his wardrobe.

Pull him up on it. He may not be doing maliciously but his brain has defaulted those tasks as being not his problem cos you will do it instead. Every time "DH can you come here please.......can you stick your shit in the bin so I can get on with dinner. No I couldn't just do it, can you just out them in the bin instead of dumping them all over the place."

@dancemom

Pick it up and dump it on his side of the bed. Along with everything else he leaves in your way.

This.

@dancemom

Pick it up and dump it on his side of the bed. Along with everything else he leaves in your way.

This.

Yes he should.

If you think its not conscious of him have you told him. If you have told and he says it doesn't happen that often so nor a big deal, take a picture and send it to him everyone he does.

(I did similar to this when my DH used to claim he had tidied up, by without fail left at least one item not quite put away.) I went all out and cur out a big red arrow, which I left pointing at whatever wasn't put away. 😅. Not used the arrow in years but it's still around.)

@Keroppi

www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288?guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAFktc8Gjvtewc4cM7nqXQL_XtQlJ4KbJFeMn7qIA-l8S26jB6k-wo8TSyjSkkArfsPhstaqdq86irxhQ-N75wef4Ck5IPRScBQWDMyfHlbITNzdt9fTi-cYbEgswfoJowzVTkN6JkmShQVxezObVsLtPJlweMPyx7lc-c0TYg3F&guccounter=2

Sorry huge link!

I've seen this before and just read it again - it makes me sad because the writer seems to conclude that men will never really understand our point of view and women can't explain it without men thinking they sound like crazy people. I'm inclined to agree - I can't even imagine sharing the article with DH in a non passive-aggressive way, and without him completely misinterpreting what I'm trying to say.

I do try to challenge him from time to time but a) I hate confrontation and b) he gets so defensive. On the odd occasion I say something there's no apology - 'sorry LizLemon, I meant to bin it/put it away' - the immediate reaction is that I'm the unreasonable one for nagging him about something trivial.

Similar thing - I handle the washing because DH used to Chuck everything in the tumble dryer and shrink DSs joggers and my tops.
This is fine as long as I can do it in my time. We don't have a standing clothes dryer so clothes are spread over the banisters if it's not suitable for them to go outside.

I get the red rage when DH "helpfully " brings down a basket of laundry and leaves it sitting in front of the machine. But it seems petty to bring it up so I just seethe quietly.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe

No matter how many times l say the job is not finished until stuff is put away it continues Who eventually puts it away?

Dh does but with reminding which makes me feel like a nag. While coming in to nicely washed floors etc with everything put away just feels so good. He does have tendency to distraction.

Oh @LavenderAskew I love your arrow!

I think you should amuse yourself by leaving the ironing board where it is and serving his dinner on it every time it's your turn to cook until he gets the message and puts it away.

I know what you mean. I hate feeling like a nag, there's a difference between genuinely being a rush and just consistently not valuing your time.

I don't recommend it but I got to the end of my tether with DH and just blew up about it, ranted for ages, cried, said I felt like I was doing too much and wanted to leave him I'm quite dramatic and have big emotions so he wasn't that surprised

Nowadays we have a running dialogue of "what do we do that annoys each other/how can we make each other feel more loved?" it doesn't work all the time but the difference is I don't feel like I'm being taken for a mug as he has changed lots of other behaviours and does lots more of cooking, cleaning and childcare so I feel respected.

However he is on a health kick at the mo and has started leaving the porridge oats and protein powder out after making porridge in the morning eye twitch

Yes, for small items they get left in the slippers or favourite cup. Big items, like your ironing board get left on his patch i.e. can you could overhang it on his side of the bed or settee.

Does he hang towels to dry properly or chuck them on the floor/bed?

I'd have some fun and move the ironing board to random places around the house, places which will inconvenience him, until he puts it away. I'd move the recycling to the passenger seat of his car or pop an empty yogurt pot in his sock drawer. I have zero tolerance for this kind of thing. Occasionally forgetting to do something is one thing but all the time is just disrespectful.

Fold it up. Put it under his side of the duvet!

@rookiemere 'it seems petty to bring it up so I just seethe quietly' - that's how I feel too!

However I do fear a massive explosion like @Keroppi someday when I've just bottled it up too many times... Your running dialogue sounds like a healthy approach, and although I get the tactic some are suggesting of leaving it/dumping on his side of the bed this just isn't my style. It would only cause an argument, it wouldn't suddenly make him understand, which is what I really need him to do.

It's just a question of how to bring it up - too light and breezy and he won't get it, but too dramatic and he'll think I'm a psycho, and I'll end up feeling like one. If only telepathy was real... 🙄

@Amberflames

Does he hang towels to dry properly or chuck them on the floor/bed?

I'll give him his due - his towel is always hung up on the radiator in the bathroom - that's one sin he's not guilty of!