To think once you’ve had depression and / or anxiety you’re never really free of it?

[Paintedseashell]

Twenty years on and off, loads of talking therapy, some trauma therapy and I don’t think I’m any better than when I started. In fact I think it’s worse.
Went shopping with dd last night, managed it but it made me physically sick. All those normal people out and about enjoying themselves, I’m so envious of them. I constantly feel like I can’t quite access real life, im disconnected.
Never look forward to anything, never enjoy anything, things I’ve previously enjoyed now make me feel worse because now they feel weird and it makes me sad.
The last six years have been awful.

Aibu to think once you’ve had a patch of anxiety or depression, which was fairly debilitating, there’s no real way back? It just hangs around forever?

Hmm I’m not sure. Mine seems to come and go completely- I’m not saying that to show off (!) just to give others hope. When I was younger I was struggling so much I was under a child psychiatrist for a long time and then again when I had my dd when I was 22 I had the worst post natal depression ever - I was put on a dose of Citalopram they don’t even prescribe anymore! I had about 3 years of that. As I’ve got older it’s slowly got better and better. I think maybe I have less expectations of myself, I am kinder to myself and feel more able to say “no” to things that I don’t want to do. I don’t worry about upsetting people anymore by saying no, and I think that helps me. Ironically if there’s ever a time in my life I “should” be depressed it’s probably now - no money, long term disabled with a progressive chronic disease, disabled child with severe autism etc etc. But - I feel okay! It’s really strange. I am mid 40s now and feel I can recognise if I start to feel low now and I just somehow manage to push it away. When I was very low before I wasn’t able to do that so I must be better than I was…!

So there is always hope.

My anxiety has never really left, I think once you have it you just have to continually ‘manage’ it. I have good weeks and bad weeks but I think I just need to learn to accept it’s never completely going away. If I don’t look after myself, it gets worse, so lots of yoga, no late nights, limit alcohol and caffeine etc etc.

I had some very bad episodes of depression and anxiety in my 20s - at one point when I was 24 it meant I couldn't really work. I took medication for around four years. I'm now 34 and would honestly say that I no longer have anxiety and depression, though I am still always slightly on edge/wary of their return and I went through a bad patch (though I don't think getting as far as clinical anxiety and depression) last year because a combination of lockdown and pregnancy took away a lot of my finely honed coping mechanisms. So I guess I'm not exactly like a person who had never had anxiety and depression but nor do I feel like it's never gone away. I think that like most recovery from illness there's a huge amount of individual variation largely due to luck. I don't think I did anything right to recover well, I've just been fortunate. In particular my mental health has been better since having children, which I know is unusual and so I feel very lucky there.

I don't think you're ever completely rid because I've had anxiety (quite severe panic attacks, medicated, diagnosed, hospital investigations for other causes etc) since I was a teen. I manage it really well now and rarely, rarely have panic attacks but often I'll work myself with the worry that I might have one and it might ruin an experience, and in doing so actually do ruin the experience for myself.

I think depression is different in the sense that I had PND but I think that goes away.

I had depression in my teens and 20’s.

I definitely am rid of it, have been rid of it for over 10 years now.

I also find I have to very actively try and change my thinking patterns to challenge anxiety - that one I have found tough since having children since I find there's a huge cultural celebration of unhealthy and counterproductive worry in mothers. You're supposed to be wracked with anxiety to prove that you love your children and I have to very consciously push back against that idea in my head.

Usually anxiety and depression is a sign something is off balance in your life, l think in my case, once l figured out what my triggers were, working in a stressful environment, also my negative thoughts and mindset didn't help.
I lived in victim mode, once l was aware of what wasn't working for me, and l put the commitment in to turn things around, things significantly improved.
I think medication can e helpful, but it isn't a cure, it provides temporary relief.
You have to dig very deep and try to discover the root problem, keep checking in with yourse!f asking what mindset you are in, negative , neutral or positive.

I had severe anxiety alongside PND. I’ve had severe bouts of depression. I honestly don’t feel like either are hanging around the edges to return although I couldn’t guarantee neither would return.

I live with anxiety. Currently going through a period where I feel the most free from it I ever have.
I can enjoy things and feel I have my life back BUT the shadow of anxiety is still lurking. I feel almost like the ghost of it will never quite leave me.
I think living through such horror means you can never not see it iyswim. It's like something that once seen can't be unseen and it stays with you ( well it has me).

I think also some types of depression genuinely is related to a chemical imbalance rather than outside factors. My dh is one of these people. He is on citalopram long term and is like a different person since he’s been taking it. Without it he can’t work and is literally suicidal. With it he isn’t even remotely depressed at all and enjoys life. It’s been amazing for him. He says he will never come off them. There was no “reason” for his depression, he’s just always had it for as long as he can remember.

I've suffered with anxiety for over twenty years, at times I have been almost normal (lockdown was great, no social pressures!) But I don't think it will ever really go away. Currently having headaches, nosebleeds and I'm so distracted because I'm so stressed and anxious, nothing major in my life at the moment just not coping with general social occasions. Should probably go to the doctor's but I can't face the stress of battling for an appointment

Are you on medication OP? I'm now on escitalopram and it's made such a difference to me. I've also had talking therapy but the two in conjunction are the most powerful. It sometimes feels like a lifelong project but I guess it depends on the root cause and how deeply ingrained it is. It's definitely possible to feel better though IMO.

@Cantstopthewaves I really think it helps to try and rethink how you feel about it, read a great book where the author said you need to try and think of anxiety as your friend, as really it’s just your mind trying to protect you (fight or flight etc)once you almost ‘welcome’ it when you feel a bout coming on or start to get anxious, you begin to feel differently about it and the fear subsides, you don’t get in to that cycle or downward spiral so much, sometimes the fear of anxiety is worse than the actual anxiety, if that makes sense!

I hope not!!
We are going through hell at the moment with ds and it breaks my heart to think that he will be this way for life. It’s absolutely horrific.

It’s no life, it’s torture.

After a bout of pnd when he was born 18 years ago and a recent work related burn out period I don’t feel that it is in my head all the time thank Christ!
It’s like a bad cough, I’m going to get one every now and again but won’t have a constant cough. (Obviously NOT diminishing depression & anxiety to that of a simple cough but you know what I’m trying to get at…surely).

I was extremely lucky never to suffer with anxiety until my mid thirties. Combination of ill child family deaths and Co I'd caused me to have a a really rough year or two. I go d I'm still vulnerable and can spiral back with something small however recover quicker too. I was always a "tough cookie" - I thought. In reality I'd had a nice happy easy life. I do feel it's left a mark my resilience is lower. However I'm much more self aware. Will prioritise the "right" things for me and genuinely think I'm a better person /manger for it. What does nt kill you doesn't make you strgingwr it leaves you fragile but also improved I feel

@Bagelsandbrie I'm exactly the same as your DH. 23 years on and loving life. GP has been happy to prescribe a low dose for that period. Long may it continue.
Op, please don't give up. If you find the right meds it may be your answer.

I had PND, periods of low mood and one massive episode were I nearly killed myself by not taking essential medication. My GC have helped me feel joy again. I saw the world through their eyes, which helped my recovery. I don't quite always have the excitement levels that I've had in the past, but I'm enjoying what I do. I did and still am forcing myself to do things and finding that I like them when I do.
I think that you have to start off smaller and build up. Start by enjoying the small pleasures.

I think there is some truth in this. I first had depression 28 years ago. There have been a few episodes where I've not been able to function normally at all. At other times I've managed but probably have always still had one or two of the symptoms.

I think it's because most depression is trauma linked. That trauma will always be there and there's no decent psychotherapy for trauma in the UK.

I do think there's hope OP. Feeling sick when going shopping isn't right, you're entitled to live a relatively 'normal' life.

The right medication and dosage is a game changer.

I have quite a lot of experience with depression and anxiety and the change in people with the right medication is quite striking.

I think you should go back to your GP, a good Dr will agree that you are entitled to feel better.

Depression and anxiety is absolutely crippling and it's only when you're feeling better can you see how bad and abnormal it was.

You're not alone, keep talking on here.

@Damnyoureyes

I hope not!! We are going through hell at the moment with ds and it breaks my heart to think that he will be this way for life. It’s absolutely horrific.

It’s no life, it’s torture.

After a bout of pnd when he was born 18 years ago and a recent work related burn out period I don’t feel that it is in my head all the time thank Christ!
It’s like a bad cough, I’m going to get one every now and again but won’t have a constant cough. (Obviously NOT diminishing depression & anxiety to that of a simple cough but you know what I’m trying to get at…surely).

Going through the same with DD and really hoping it is not true. The pandemic has just really messed with her head. She is on meds and I am clinging to the hope that they work.

I had PND with DS and overcame it without meds.

There must be a difference between the sort of depression triggered by chemical/biological imbalances and depression triggered by a specific external factor such as bereavement or relationship breakdown?

I have been through several periods of being acutely depressed in response to external stimuli and have fully moved past each of these as my circumstances have improved. I am lucky enough not to have suffered long term chronic depression caused by brain chemistry and I imagine that is much harder to deal with.

@procratinationstations

I do think there's hope OP. Feeling sick when going shopping isn't right, you're entitled to live a relatively 'normal' life.

The right medication and dosage is a game changer.

I have quite a lot of experience with depression and anxiety and the change in people with the right medication is quite striking.

I think you should go back to your GP, a good Dr will agree that you are entitled to feel better.

Depression and anxiety is absolutely crippling and it's only when you're feeling better can you see how bad and abnormal it was.

You're not alone, keep talking on here.

I hope this is true but with DD we are having such a hit and miss time of finding the right meds. Already tried 2. Now on the third one.:(

@MareofBeasttown. The 5th type/combination and a larger than average dose changed our lives here.

Honestly. As long as you have a good psychiatrist, keep going back to them. It's difficult because you do have to give it at least 3 months (I know they say 6 weeks).

We're about 5 years in and finally have a changed child, I'm still not relaxing because we've been through hell. But when people ask how they are, I say 'they're actually really OK' for the very first time.

Good luck.

I totally get where you’re coming from and often feel detached from life.
I was diagnosed with chronic depression in my teens, one thing that stuck with me was after one incident around that time one of the people on the crisis team told me it can’t be cured but can be managed. That’s really stuck with me as (most) of the time when I start to struggle I know I need to get help to review how I am managing it - that might be a med review, or some therapy or whatever you need to reset.

I don’t think it ever leaves you, even if you “feel better” things remind you of your lows when you’re not expecting it and it can bring it back. You’re also more aware and cautious of it coming back if it’s been particularly bad so can’t just move on from it - in a strange way I’ve been so scared of hurting my loved ones like that again I can’t let myself go and be happy incase I miss the signs and things spiral without me realising so subconsciously hold myself back.

CBT changed my life. I still instinctively apply some of the tips 15 years later, there are some situations I do still avoid (again instinctively rather than obsessively and it's not anything that impacts my life, I have ways around them) but overall I live a very normal life. I think people would be surprised to know I used to struggle with anxiety. No medication now, successful career and don't think about it barely at all now.