in thinking ILs have got it WRONG - "it's easier if we just give you this (admittedly big) cheque and you buy what you want"

[TutterrysChocolateOrange]

i'd rather them buy something

small, even

and wrap it, and give it

it's the same when we ask if there's anything they'd like from us

e.g.

FIL wants cash to buy something for himself for christmas

we always give cash to dh's nephews. i hate it. he says "but that's what they want"

[grump]

2 billion wasted on pointless gifts! I'm not surprised but imagine being the pointless gift seller. When will we wake up and realise that wasting all that, time, effort and energy making someone else richer is really not time or money well spent. What happened to making mincepies instead, dotting some fresh holly about and singing carols?

I have received a (generous) cheque from our in-laws for xmas and they have expressly asked to not have anything in return (we are getting them small thoughtful gifts. They are busy people not really 'into' Christmas themselves and have no wish to give unwanted gifts.

They will be with us on Christmas day and have contributed to the cost of dinner, I have been uncomfortable with their generosity in the past but am used to it now and I understand that their intentions are very good they only want to help and as they have little time (while they both still working ft)they gift money.

I don't think it's wrong at all!

I pool the girls' birthday and Xmas money and buy them Premium bonds.

Soon, they'll be old enough where they'll tell us what they want, but for now, why not put it to good use and invest in their future?

I did all my shopping in my small local market town which was desserted (everyone vacated to the nearest city to shop), I only bought what was available and supported the local suppliers.

Totally unrelated I know and off on a tangent .. but a friend of mine charged her family 15quid a head for xmas dinner last year. I was gobsmacked.

EPIS - I have to confess I often "pool" the DS's vouchers and money too as sometimes one present is more than the value of one DS's vouchers, but another DS's present is less - so they get what they want/need rather than feeling the need to spend the exact amount. Of course this will probably change in the next few years, as DS1 is 7 now, and I should imagine in a year or 2 he'll want HIS vouchers for himself to spend in the sales after Christmas, and I'll just pool the younger DS's.

i get cheques and money from my family 250 miles away, and that's fine.

we usually buy stuff from us for the kids (hey, we want the credit!) and then have a christmas treat for the kids (trip to eden project to go ice-skating last year).

that way, the money is spent on the children, but not on more tat!!

We get a cheque from il's but they also wrap a few gifts for us to open, particulary for dd.

This is the best of both worlds imho, we get to buy something for the house we wouldn't otherwise be able to afford and still get to open something thoughtful

My IL's are lovely though and I know not everyone's are as nice

i didn't make myself clear

let me give you an example

MIL: tutter, what would you like for xmas?
me: oooh, erm, a jewellery box would be lovely, thanks
MIL: why don't you buy it and we'll give you the cash
tutter: what would you like, a surprise, or a suggestion?
MIL: ooh, just give me the money and i'll get somethign

so, she gives me a cheque for £50. i give her a cheque for £50

nothing gets wrapped. nothin to open on christmas day

I think adults do get too finicky when it comes to presents.

It would be best all round it adults stopped buying each other presents and they just splashed out a bit in the sales.

Much more satisfying to buy for children.

I'm with you Tutter. I like presents. People should put in the work

I think people complaining about cheques are being quite ungrateful I'm afraid. Especially as children get older, they get harder to buy for and it's so much more likely that people will get it wrong (and then you'll all be on here complaining about how wrong they got it!!!). If they send a cheque, they know that you will get something you want, you can avoid duplication of gifts or kids getting mounds of plastic tat - I would have thought it was a win/win situation.

My MiL has sent a cheque between me and the girls and bought dp clothes. To be honest, the cheque has been far better appreciated becuase we get something exactly right (I have bought new boots with my bit) whereas dp gets clothes that, whilst fine, are probably not quite what he would have chosen himself. And the girls will save their money until after Christmas and then buy anything they didn't get/suddenly realise that they want! I'm really grateful for her generosity and sensible thinking.

Oh and M&S vouchers are also always well-received in this house - even if we just spend them on cakes and flowers!!!!

Oh and apologies for typos - soooo tired - PLEASE tell me it's the end of term soon!!

janeite

you clearly haven't read my posts

we aint talking about gifts for the kids

Personally don't mind money that much although I prefer money and a small something to open!

The thing that really annoys me is MIL saying in about October: "I have made a list of what we would like. If you let me know as soon as possible what you will be getting us I can give the list to * for him to choose off it." Drives me mad as alot of the time I find things I would like to get them but can't as I have to choose from the list.

I give family a list of what we need for the house and ask them if they'd mind getting us something we need. For ds, I give my mum amd mil a few suggestions of what he likes and ask them to put anything left over in his bank account.
It sounds greedy, but this way we get things that are useful, and people don't have to spend a fortune and can still choose to get us something else if they like

Oooh - my SIL used to have a list. Was a bit surprised when my brother presented me with it.

Tutter - I was making general comments based on many general comments on this thread. Had no intention of offending you, so can't quite see how I have manged to do so. Will go away and admire my new boots instead.

And I'm sorry, I hadn't seen your later post; took me too long reading all the rest of the comments. Yes - the £50 cheque to be swapped for a £50 cheque seems beyond daft!

oh, not offended

just like to clarify, you know

Phew! In that case, I will let YOU admire my new boots too!

i love getting money. my sm used to buy us randon stuff, one yesr a pretty tin with cakes in it. clothes for ds that were so not him (no dd then) but now we get a cheque and I but stuff we want. so now dd has a lovely nintendo dog and some lovely clothes (can't say what ds has) and we get stuff we ant /need. so much better.