Do I tell work

[Whattodonowill]

I am looking for promotion in work in the next two years. My line manager is coaching me and providing me with support, encouragement and ideas to support the progression. She has noticed my anxiety levels have increased in the last month which they have. I take anti depressants and have had counselling due to a trauma related event at university. I feel that is being managed but the anxiety is bad right now. Do I tell my line manager about the source of the anxiety so she can better understand me or do I keep my cards close to my chest for fear of any future prejudice?

My managers know I have trauma, because it was necessary for them to understand the particular adjustments I needed (and because PTSD is my actual diagnosis!) And the things that can be problematic for me (that are relevant to the workplace). They don't know the details of the trauma.

The colleagues I work most closely with also know that I have trauma and that's why I won't sit with my back to the door during meetings, for instance. They don't know the details of the trauma.

They've all known for a long time and it hasn't caused me harm.

I do agree that some of these replies are extreme (and painful to read), although I get where they're coming from. I've had rubbish experiences in the past, but have good people around me now.

The advice I had from my MH team was never to disclose more than "due to past trauma I find x difficult, therefore y is helpful..." even in medical settings / to healthcare professionals. In my experience this is the right advice. HCPs can have the most inappropriate and unhelpful reactions tbh.

People - even and sometimes especially healthcare professionals - tend to get bogged down in the details and their assumptions and perceptions of how that specific trauma should affect you rather than how you're telling them it affects you, and often you therefore end up receiving less compassionate and appropriate treatment than if you had simply said "due to past trauma" (or "due to past experiences" ).

If it's affecting your work you should say something - if not then no.

I also don't ever disclose a timeline.

People just start making assumptions about how much it should or should not be affecting you x years later. Most people don't understand trauma so don't understand that it doesn't spontaneously heal after x years.

I would not say "due to past trauma at University" , only "due to past trauma" for that reason.

No sadly not, it possibly will make them wonder if you’re able to do the next level due to your anxiety, it will have a name and become a thing.

Focus on recovery and your well being and don’t share

My boss is aware of a specific trauma which causes my anxiety, I was put in a situation at work which was triggering flashbacks and when asking to be removed from the situation I disclosed the reason why. I didn’t go into any detail about the actual assault, just said I was sexually assaulted and this is why the situation is triggering flashbacks.

She has been supportive and I think more understanding of my anxiety since she was made aware and I don’t think it has effected how my performance at work is considered. I struggle around the anniversary of it happening every year so it has been helpful to be able to state that as well and explain why my performance tends to dip for a week or so.

I wouldn’t tell a boss just for the sake of it but if there are any specific triggers or things making the anxiety more difficult in the workplace it might help adjustments be made if you have been open about them.

Personally, having also suffered depression after a trauma just before university, I wouldn’t. But I think a persons relationship with their trauma is a very personal thing and there’s no one right answer here.

Perhaps talk this through with your therapist. You need to be comfortable that you have no attachment to outcomes when disclosing what happened to you to others. This protects you. I have felt incredibly vulnerable on the few occasions I revealed my trauma to people. I don’t any more. Just make sure you understand why you are doing it, that you’re ready and prepared for all outcomes.

Gosh. I don’t know whether to think PPs here are unusually cynical / burned by cut-throat work cultures, or whether I’m a massive oversharer?

All I can say is, personally, I’d tell her. I think the better she understands you the better. I suppose it depends in how well you know her and trust her, but personally I’d think that the more open you can be with each other the better. Just my 2c

Thank you all so much for your replies.
I'm a teacher, so not a company role.
Trauma is sexual assault. Not wanting to drop feed but surprised I got so many replies.

I kind of guessed that was the nature of the trauma tbh. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Personally that would confirm to me that the most to disclose in this scenario to this person would be "due to past trauma, x is difficult, therefore it would help if y, etc" .

I don't think any good will come of disclosing the nature of the trauma, but a lot of bad could come of it. People apply a lot of unconscious biases to sexual assault that they won't to undefined trauma - generally not malicious but still harmful.

You can still communicate your needs effectively without her knowing what the trauma was, and that's the point here - to communicate workplace needs.

Thanks ftw
What bias do you mean?

I’m also a teacher and in my case the boss I told about being sexually assaulted was the headteacher. No details, I just said I have been sexually assaulted in the past and am finding X situation difficult because it is triggering some flashbacks. It was to be able to avoid a specific situation but I think it helped her to understand my anxiety more and why I can sometimes find other things hard, for example I have found some of our pSHE/ safeguarding training can leave me in a low mood afterwards and it’s helpful to just be able to say ‘I just found the content a bit heavy and need a quick break’ and have it understood. I have been in my role for a number of years though and have a good relationship with the head, I might not have disclosed it more early on if I didn’t already know her well enough to know it would be received okay and if I hadn’t already shown that I am capable within my role.

I would be cautious. In my experience I have only ever had one manager who I felt genuinely cared about me, my ambitions, and my progression. The others, while I didn’t dislike them and we got along, ultimately only cared about themselves, their position in the company, and the job. Their decisions were never what was best for me, but what was best for them - sometimes they aligned and sometimes not.

I would never disclose anything at work. You never know where the information will be stored or who will share it. I would never admit any mental health or anxiety issues - work is just work and I would never disclose anything that will be used against me. I never show any weakness.

@Whattodonowill

Thanks ftw What bias do you mean?

• How they imagine a victim/survivor of sexual assault should behave (compared to how you behave).

• How they imagine you should be affected / what they imagine should be difficult for you.

• The extent to which they imagine you should have recovered and what recovery should look like. ( "oh but it's in the past, you don't need to be anxious now" )

All of which from a practical standpoint usually means they are less able to adjust to your actual needs because they are too busy acting based on their own assumptions and biases - even if you specifically explain what you need.

It's like there's no space in most people's heads to absorb what you're saying to them once they have activated their mental sexual assault survivor stereotype.

For instance, you might say that you are finding a difficult and would find helpful, but they will ignore you because your trigger doesn't fit with their bias about how they think you should be affected.

A minor real example - someone assumed I would be scared of walking in the dark so started dishing out instructions and making decisions based on that. Because in their head "sexual assault = dark alley" and their entire thought process flowed from that incorrect starting point. Meanwhile when I actually told them what was difficult they ignored me because it didn't fit their mental image.

Knowing the nature of the trauma stopped them from hearing what I actually needed. I don't have those problems when I stick to the "due to past trauma..." format.

Everyone I work closely with knows not to put me in a situation where I'm sitting with my back to a door etc.

They understand it is difficult for me and accept that without judgement. Nobody has ever made a fuss or caused me problems because of having that information.

They don't need to know what specifically happened to me in order for them to act that way.

Easiest example I have.

I am really saddened by some of these responses. I am a therapist and have a background in HR and working with companies to support people with PTSD. I treat a lot of clients with PTSD. In general people I work with have had good support when they have disclosed to a sympathetic boss. Give the minimum info so they can understand what you may need. But enough so they know if the anxiety you are feeling is because of work or of other things. If the trauma was work related you would probably need to give more info because the possibility of being retriggered at work would be higher. But as I said before I think your best bet is to say you are dealing with some consequences of a past traumatic event, are getting help for this but feel it is helpful for them to know that this is happening. Best of luck.