Child being sent home without tights or jumper

NameChangedAgain5953 · 2021-11-03T17:19:36+00:00

The last couple of days my DD has come home not wearing her socks. She attends a specialist school so communication is done through a communication book. She gets transport to and from school. I sent her into school today wearing tights and wellies and put her school shoes and and extra pair of socks in her bag. She came off the bus wearing a t shirt and her school dress and that's it. She looked freezing cold. All that was written in her book was that she liked her walking in bare feet. AIBU to be really upset about this? The child to adult ratio is high in her class. 8 pupils and 5 adults.

Original poster

NameChangedAgain5953 · 03/11/2021 17:21

This is how she was dressed

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Sirzy · 03/11/2021 17:22

In a setting like that, and assuming everything clearly labelled, then that happening regularly would annoy me. I would put a note on her book just asking if they can make sure jumpers come home with her

Grumpsy · 03/11/2021 17:23

I wouldn’t be very happy if u were you, it’s November and it’s very cold outside…

Original poster

NameChangedAgain5953 · 03/11/2021 17:24

@Sirzy

In a setting like that, and assuming everything clearly labelled, then that happening regularly would annoy me. I would put a note on her book just asking if they can make sure jumpers come home with her

I have just written a note in her book

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Soontobe60 · 03/11/2021 17:26

I would speak to the school and ask for an explanation as to why she’s coming home without her shoes / socks / tights.
I’m assuming that she is removing them at school as she doesn’t like wearing them, and they will not force her to put them back on.

Original poster

NameChangedAgain5953 · 03/11/2021 17:30

@Soontobe60

I would speak to the school and ask for an explanation as to why she’s coming home without her shoes / socks / tights. I’m assuming that she is removing them at school as she doesn’t like wearing them, and they will not force her to put them back on.

That is what they said but they were very casual about it, they just said she likes being bare foot. I've never had these issues before though and that doesnt really explain why her jumper was off. I was actually shocked when I saw how she was dressed because it was so cold today.

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LittleOwl153 · 03/11/2021 17:31

My yr 3 came out similarly dressed yesterday. He was asked by his teacher at the door where his jumper was and told to out his coat on... (he had his socks and shoes on). He was coming straight out to me!

I can see why the wouldn't want to wind up a load of SN kids by forcing particular issues then sticking them on transport and if not wearing her socks is making her happy currently then so be it - however I would expect them to make more of an effort to ensure she had some warmer clothes on - I.e a coat!

Original poster

NameChangedAgain5953 · 03/11/2021 17:34

@LittleOwl153

My yr 3 came out similarly dressed yesterday. He was asked by his teacher at the door where his jumper was and told to out his coat on... (he had his socks and shoes on). He was coming straight out to me!

I can see why the wouldn't want to wind up a load of SN kids by forcing particular issues then sticking them on transport and if not wearing her socks is making her happy currently then so be it - however I would expect them to make more of an effort to ensure she had some warmer clothes on - I.e a coat!

Yeah no coat or jumper.

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x2boys · 03/11/2021 17:36

Is she taking them off herself ?
My son is 11 and has always gone to an SEN school ,he went through a phase where he was constantly taking his shoes and socks off , particularly on transport .

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 03/11/2021 17:37

It is usually kept very warm in schools, so she probably is taking them off, the staff won't be able to force her to wear them and wouldn't want to if the outcome is that she'll be too hot and uncomfortable.

Is there room in the uniform policy to switch from a dress and tights to leggings or jersey trousers with a tshirt?

Original poster

NameChangedAgain5953 · 03/11/2021 17:38

@x2boys

Is she taking them off herself ? My son is 11 and has always gone to an SEN school ,he went through a phase where he was constantly taking his shoes and socks off , particularly on transport .

It's written in her book so it would be before getting on transport.

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HaroldSteptoesHorse · 03/11/2021 17:39

I absolutely get where you’re coming from but sometimes the SEN kids I work with refuse point blank to put on socks or jumpers and I’d have tried for ages to get them to regulate themselves enough to put them on but it’s just not happening.

Perhaps you can ask the teacher for a social story about what to wear at the end of the school day before she leaves the classroom.. something like toilet then tights, shoes, jumper and then however they say goodbye the coat and bag on.

They really do help children understand and the teacher/TAs could do this everyday and before you know it your daughter is fully dressed ready to get on the bus.

x2boys · 03/11/2021 17:39

That said no coat or jumper is bad .

Original poster

NameChangedAgain5953 · 03/11/2021 17:40

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

It is usually kept very warm in schools, so she probably is taking them off, the staff won't be able to force her to wear them and wouldn't want to if the outcome is that she'll be too hot and uncomfortable.

Is there room in the uniform policy to switch from a dress and tights to leggings or jersey trousers with a tshirt?

She wears trousers too and I think they would be understanding if I sent her in leggings.

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HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 03/11/2021 17:53

My DD really feels the her, comes out in heat rash and just gets very red in the face anytime the temperature is over about 18 degrees. She wears leggings and a plain white tshirt for school. For travel in she has a cardigan and coat but tends to take those off within minutes of arriving at school, then when she comes out she's usually carrying her cardi and coat as needs some time to bring her temperature down to a comfortable level for her.

soapboxqueen · 03/11/2021 18:11

I think rather than leaving notes her communication book you should call or email the school.

Ask for an explanation as to what is going on because you are worried about how cold she might get.

If she gets agitated and refuses to put socks/jumper/coat on, they aren't going to force her. Particularly at the end of the school day when there's a lot going on.

Yes she might get cold but walking from a warm school, to a minibus/taxi, to home she is unlikely to do herself any harm other than be uncomfortable.

Original poster

NameChangedAgain5953 · 03/11/2021 18:22

@soapboxqueen

I think rather than leaving notes her communication book you should call or email the school.

Ask for an explanation as to what is going on because you are worried about how cold she might get.

If she gets agitated and refuses to put socks/jumper/coat on, they aren't going to force her. Particularly at the end of the school day when there's a lot going on.

Yes she might get cold but walking from a warm school, to a minibus/taxi, to home she is unlikely to do herself any harm other than be uncomfortable.

You're right, I will call them tomorrow. I'm concerned with how long she is dressed like that, I wouldn't mind as much if it was just on the journey home but a have a feeling its longer than that, she looked really cold when I collected her off the bus

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MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/11/2021 18:36

I work as a teacher in a specialist school and wouldn’t generally send a child home like that but it is warm in the school some students will remove their own jumpers and a significant proportion prefer bare feet. If a student really refused their clothing and was getting straight from the warm building to a warm taxi it is possible we wouldn’t have the battle at home time. Was she wearing a coat over the T-shirt?

I do think tights can be quite uncomfortable and impractical for students, especially students who are very active, as they tend to slide down as the day goes on. I find I am forever pulling them up on students. Does she keep tights on all day at home?

I would maybe send her to school in socks and trousers now that it is winter as these are likely to be more practical and then if she does display a preference for having bare feet and takes her socks off she won’t have bare legs and be as cold.

Original poster

NameChangedAgain5953 · 03/11/2021 18:41

I would send her to school in socks and trousers

@molkosTeenageAngst That's what she usually wears, I put her in tights as I thought she was more likely to keep them on, also sent wellies in with spare socks as I thought she might have been jumping in puddles and getting her socks wet. That's why I was surprised when she got of the bus like that. Tights and wellies didn't come back, coat was off and jumper was stuffed in her bag.

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x2boys · 03/11/2021 18:44

Do you have the class Dojo app?
My son has just moved up to a SEN high school ,both the high school and his SEN primary school have been communicating via Dojo since the pandemic ,they don't use communication books anymore .

TotallySuper · 03/11/2021 20:36

Tights and trousers maybe to make it really hard to easily get them off? Not sure what the answer is really.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/11/2021 20:49

Does she wear socks at home or does she take them off? It sounds like she prefers to be barefoot in school although I am not sure why the school wouldn’t pop her socks back on before she goes home, that is what we do with my students (about half of them prefer not to wear socks & shoes in school). Does she have challenging behaviours/ meltdowns etc in response to dressing at all? It could be that the school staff don’t want to upset her before she gets on the bus to go home. Either that or she may throwing her socks off when staff aren’t looking and they are then unable to find where they’ve ended up, although as you say you’ve popped in spare socks that should be enough.

Would she wear boots or Velcro shoes rather than strappy buckle shoes? I’m just thinking a full shoe might be better and warmer if she isn’t wearing socks.

That said I think a chat with her class teacher or one of the TAs is a good idea. It could be there is a new staff member working with her who lacks in common sense (I have had a few TAs like this!). I would certainly be receptive to a parent who raised an issue like this and would want to fix it so hopefully your daughters team will be the same.

Original poster

NameChangedAgain5953 · 03/11/2021 21:19

@MolkosTeenageAngst

Does she wear socks at home or does she take them off? It sounds like she prefers to be barefoot in school although I am not sure why the school wouldn’t pop her socks back on before she goes home, that is what we do with my students (about half of them prefer not to wear socks & shoes in school). Does she have challenging behaviours/ meltdowns etc in response to dressing at all? It could be that the school staff don’t want to upset her before she gets on the bus to go home. Either that or she may throwing her socks off when staff aren’t looking and they are then unable to find where they’ve ended up, although as you say you’ve popped in spare socks that should be enough.

Would she wear boots or Velcro shoes rather than strappy buckle shoes? I’m just thinking a full shoe might be better and warmer if she isn’t wearing socks.

That said I think a chat with her class teacher or one of the TAs is a good idea. It could be there is a new staff member working with her who lacks in common sense (I have had a few TAs like this!). I would certainly be receptive to a parent who raised an issue like this and would want to fix it so hopefully your daughters team will be the same.

She hasn't ever had any issues getting dressed or keeping her clothes on before, although that might be different at school but I couldn't understand why her socks wouldn't be put on before leaving either. That's why I was a bit upset, I think. I get that she might just want to run around bare foot but leaving with no socks, no jumper, hat or coat seems strange to me.

I might get some other shoes and see if that makes a difference, hopefully it does and from now on I'll just dress her in trousers when the weather's cold like today.

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x2boys · 03/11/2021 21:56

I think the school have screwed up Ophave my son did take his socks and shoes off all the time we have lost so many socks but they also bought some of those little plastic sandal ,s because he refused all footware believe me I sent in pumps ,shoes wellies etc if she's cold though I wouldn't be happy with my child coming home without his jumper and coat ?my son's school suggested boots which worked for a while but they had to be proper lace up boots without a zip down the side which are strangely hard to find ,I found some on a market stall,rather than a proper shoe shop .

JurgensCakeBaby · 03/11/2021 22:08

Could you try footless tights and socks with her wellies, that way even if she takes the socks off her legs are covered and she won't be quite as cold. I think they should encourage the jumper but if she refuses I wouldn't want them to physically force her into specific clothing to sit on the bus home