To put my DC#2 in childcare when I was a SAHM for my DC#1

[thinkingidlike]

I feel bad, but I have a job opportunity which is amazing considering I haven't been working for a few years, but I feel so guilty. We are really struggling after all this time on one wage and have run up debt. But DC2 won't get that time with me that DC1 had. Things like music group that we did today, will stop and she'll be all day at daycare 5 days a week at age 2. Unfortunately my parents can't cope with her for more than a couple of hours babysitting, and MIL is a full time carer for FIL.

My DC1 went into preschool at 3 a few mornings and then increased to a couple of full day, school hours. He is now in school. So this is very different for me to send DC2 full time.

Aibu or will the kids adapt ?

I think at age 2 it's absolutely fine OP! I would take up the job opportunity Any possibility of compressed hours maybe? Or flexible working?

The kids will be fine.

If you can see if you can find a childminder or a smaller nursery for the 2 year old.

Could you do part time instead? If not then you have no choice really and the child won't know any different.

I'm so glad to read this thread. I'm feeling the exact same way. Except we really haven't done much at all the past year so she's not even had the fun stuff.
But do I turn down a job when it might be a brilliant opportunity...

I would take the opportunity and see how it goes (if you can do part time that would be ideal). It is not in your DC's interests to get into financial difficulties and I think that should be the priority.

If it doesn't work out / have second thoughts you can always go back to being a SAHM - you still have time.

Yes I think I can compress into school hours with the occasional meeting outside this. So I would have to log on for at home, then. I suppose I can use YouTube babysitting ? 😬🤞

@thinkingidlike

Yes I think I can compress into school hours with the occasional meeting outside this. So I would have to log on for at home, then. I suppose I can use YouTube babysitting ? 😬🤞

If your children are under 7, particular a toddler, you need to pay for childcare when you are working as they will constantly interrupt you.

It is also better for the toddler's development to have an adult they know interacting with them then just being put in front of the TV because you need to work.

Once they are older than 7 they can be left watching TV or reading for an hour at a time, and they won't come and disturb you without good cause.

@Exteacher19

I'm so glad to read this thread. I'm feeling the exact same way. Except we really haven't done much at all the past year so she's not even had the fun stuff. But do I turn down a job when it might be a brilliant opportunity...

@Exteacher19 I know, it's so hard, you can't get that time back, but equally if the opportunity is good then it's saving you years of working your way up again later. DC2 is quite different to DC1 anyway in personality, maybe just from being the second child. I just feel guilty and maybe even a bit jealous she'll be with someone else all the time.

Each child has a totally different experience of growing up, depending on their place in the family and family circumstances at the time.

Go for it, enjoy the job, enjoy being free from money stress. Don't rush to compress your work into school hours, this will adversely affect you as you start this new job. Can your partner compress his work for a while as you all adapt as a family to this new normal? This will also guard against you falling into the trap of doing all the household tasks as well as work..

They’ll adapt and won’t care. I had a SAHM until primary school and don’t remember any of it at all.

The determining factor is really about how you feel about it, whether the opportunity outweighs missing the time spent at home with DC2. It would for me, you may feel differently.

Best to set aside all thoughts of what you “should” or “shouldn’t” do (should do exactly the same with DC2 and DC1, shouldn’t use external childcare, should be happy to wait until DC2 starts school, shouldn’t use wraparound care etc) and think about what you actually want, imagining that there weren’t those external societal pressures to take a certain path.

I forgot to even mention the financials but actually that probably trumps the rest of the considerations. If you’re getting into debt it’s an unsustainable setup.

Can your DH drop two days a week (maybe compressed hours so just 1.5 days) and you perhaps compress hours for an afternoon off? That way you could build back up your career, but DC2 only in nursery 2.5 days per week, so much more manageable for them.

DH is in a trade, so can't work any faster, jobs take as long as they take. Something that should be an hour is often 5 hours, he cannot be relied on for anything childcare. Sadly it being a male dominated thing I don't think he could do part time, but I hadn't considered it. I'd love to see him juggle school runs, toddler entertainment and clean the house every Friday, like I do now

Depending on the trade, is there an opportunity for him to do some evening work so he can get more wages at a time when you're home?

You're strapped for cash at the moment getting into debt, but it may also be worth thinking through how the finances will be with both working. Trying to cram a whole week of SAHM organising, cleaning and tidying into one day off can mean not so much time for DC2. A few hours of a cleaner can mean that more of the briefer time you each have with the kids will be spent playing or out at an activity. Sorry if finances wouldn't allow that immediately, just options.