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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance planning

33 replies

Vigg1984 · 03/11/2021 10:38

We have 2 DC and a DSD.

How could I plan that if anything happened to me, our house value and assets would still go to our 3 children and not to a new lady if he ever remarried? DH always said he would never want to remarry... but doesn't everyone!

Or AIBU to even worry about this?
I have heard from a family member of this happening and I would just hate for our children to be left with nothing after what I have helped worked for and build for them!

OP posts:
Original poster
Vigg1984 · 03/11/2021 10:43

Also, this would include protecting what I would inherit from my family.

OP posts:
TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 03/11/2021 10:51

I know inheritance is a hot topic, but I agree with you. I'd hate the thought of my DS losing out if I were to die, DH remarry then him die and everything would go to his new spouse. Then its up to them what happens with my money.

I'm happy for him to remarry, but I'm sure there is a way to do this by speaking to a lawyer to both protect your 3 children's inheritance but also allow the 'new' spouse to remain in their home until they die/choose to move out.

Alpinechalet · 03/11/2021 10:54

I would get this moved to legal. You need to see a solicitor and write a will.

My understanding, happy to be corrected, is to Make sure you own your house as tenants in common and leave your share to children with a life interest to DH. Savings in your name only leave either a % or set amount to DH and children. Anything in joint accounts belongs to the other account holder.

There are far to many children who receive nothing when remaining parent remarries having inherited 100%.

Deliaskis · 03/11/2021 10:55

Yes as @Alpinechalet said, see a solicitor and make a will to this effect. This is what DH and I have done.

Original poster
Vigg1984 · 03/11/2021 10:58

Thank you for your advice!

OP posts:
maxelly · 03/11/2021 11:03

Sorry to be a broken record, but really, see a solicitor and get wills properly drawn up, it will cost a few hundred pounds but so worth it to ensure the will is legally valid and properly drawn up. What you are asking for is a pretty standard/common request, and quite sensible IMO. The most normal way is to own the house as tenants in common and then each of you leave a life interest only in your 'half' of the property to the other with it to pass to the DC on their death or similar but you do need someone who knows what they are talking about to properly advise given your own individual circumstances...

Original poster
Vigg1984 · 03/11/2021 11:08

That's great! I'm glad it is a common request.

I was worried I was being OTT worrying about it. After hearing from my family member, I was horrified that it was completely up to this women to keep it all and they have nothing. It will also end up going to her children in the future!!

OP posts:
Opal8 · 03/11/2021 11:10

@Vigg1984

We have 2 DC and a DSD.

How could I plan that if anything happened to me, our house value and assets would still go to our 3 children and not to a new lady if he ever remarried? DH always said he would never want to remarry... but doesn't everyone!

Or AIBU to even worry about this?
I have heard from a family member of this happening and I would just hate for our children to be left with nothing after what I have helped worked for and build for them!

Contact mumsnetter mumblechum1 She is great and sorted my Will for me with the same issues.
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 03/11/2021 11:16

It's definitely worth considering. My cousins' cousins had this happen to them. Their mother died and their father remarried and then died a few years afterwards and everything went to the new wife. Their mother's jewellery, family heirlooms, everything. The new wife wouldn't even let them into the house after their father's death. One of the sons asked if he could have some of his father's old ties so that he had something of his to remember him, but no.

TotallySuper · 03/11/2021 11:18

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Franklin12 · 03/11/2021 11:29

100% agree re getting proper legal advice and wills stating your wishes. If my hard earned lump sum pension, various savings and the house went to some random women (and her children!) should I die I would come back to haunt both of them!

it is still staggering how many people think there is such a thing as common law marriage etc and that somehow despite not writing a will stating your wishes that your estate all goes to the people who you want it to.

Its not as though anyone can check with you afterwards.....

In these days of re marriages, divorce etc no one really thinks of these things.

Your partner could be someone you met in the pub last night and I totally understand why its not recognised in law.

Get married to protect yourself and if its a second marriage/relationship for god sakes do a will. A previous will is null and void on marriage so just dont leave it to luck.

Polyethyl · 03/11/2021 11:34

It happened to my best friend. Her stepmother inherited the house. And her step mother has written a will leaving the house to her son (My friend's half-brother.)
No one's unpleasant or unkind, that's just how life happens.

Original poster
Vigg1984 · 03/11/2021 11:41

That's awful for your friend.

You would just have to hope the step-parent would look after and consider the step children. But it isn't always guaranteed!!

OP posts:
Fifthtimelucky · 03/11/2021 13:07

@Alpinechalet

I would get this moved to legal. You need to see a solicitor and write a will.

My understanding, happy to be corrected, is to Make sure you own your house as tenants in common and leave your share to children with a life interest to DH. Savings in your name only leave either a % or set amount to DH and children. Anything in joint accounts belongs to the other account holder.

There are far to many children who receive nothing when remaining parent remarries having inherited 100%.

This is exactly what we have done. We trust each other other to do the right thing but decided it was better not to put it to the test!

My husband can leave his half of our house to whoever he likes (at the moment it is is left equally divided between our two children and his son from his first marriage, but of course he could change that). But my half will definitely go to our children.

Original poster
Vigg1984 · 03/11/2021 16:10

That sounds perfect!

OP posts:
Brainwave89 · 03/11/2021 16:19

My brother died. My SIL always had a poor relationship with her two teenage children and was quite the narcissist. Within a year of him dying she had kicked both kids out the house, set up house with a boyfriend (strong suspicions that an affair was ongoing before my brother died) and my SIL is very clear that the kids are getting nothing… best to protect your interests whilst you are still alive. Strange things happen when you pass on. Always take legal advice. My youngest niece in particular has now no hope of saving enough for a house, and she would have if she had a portion of the inheritance.

Franklin12 · 03/11/2021 16:28

There is nothing to stop anyone making a will, logging it with a solicitor and not telling your OH. Not the proper way to do it but if you are worried that is what I would do. A friend of mine is convinced that her DH has left everything to her even though he has other children. I suspect he hasnt and has done another later will which she isnt aware of sharing it amongst his other kids. He just doesnt want the hassle of explaining that to her whilst he is alive.

UndertonesOfCake · 03/11/2021 16:35

This is known as the "sideways disinheritance trap" and is best avoided using a Life Interest Trust www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2016/the-sideways-disinheritance-trap/

Original poster
Vigg1984 · 03/11/2021 17:02

@Brainwave89

My brother died. My SIL always had a poor relationship with her two teenage children and was quite the narcissist. Within a year of him dying she had kicked both kids out the house, set up house with a boyfriend (strong suspicions that an affair was ongoing before my brother died) and my SIL is very clear that the kids are getting nothing… best to protect your interests whilst you are still alive. Strange things happen when you pass on. Always take legal advice. My youngest niece in particular has now no hope of saving enough for a house, and she would have if she had a portion of the inheritance.
That's just awful Angry

That would be my worst fear! You never know someone's true intentions until it's too late.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vigg1984 · 03/11/2021 17:03

[quote UndertonesOfCake]This is known as the "sideways disinheritance trap" and is best avoided using a Life Interest Trust www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2016/the-sideways-disinheritance-trap/[/quote]
Amazing thank you xx

OP posts:
LethargicActress · 03/11/2021 17:08

YANBU to worry about this. Thankfully there are steps you can take to ensure that your half of the house is left to your dc only.

honeylulu · 03/11/2021 17:19

Look up "blood line wills". There will be probate solicitors who prepare these. I would also share your concerns though my will and my husband's leaves everything to each other, then our joint children. Neither of us will remarry and we're too old to have more children (I appreciate my husband could in theory but he is 60 and totally worn out with the ones we've got!)

Flouts1 · 03/11/2021 17:30

There is a great will writer on her mumblechum - Marlowe Wills that lot of mumsnetters have used
She did my parents will with a life time interest trust which is probably what you want .
So when my mum passed away my mums half was in a trust which allowed my dad the right to remain in the house but my mums half will go to my son & sister once my dad passed away .
So if my dad remarried a new partner couldn’t touch my mums half of the house it didn’t belong to my dad

It also meant that when my dad went into a nursing home they could only assess him on his half of the house
Now they have both passed away I’m selling the house and both my son & sister will get 100 percent of the house
Joint mirror will like this inc changing the deeds of the house to 50 -50 cost about £350 back in 2016

SeaToSki · 03/11/2021 17:52

We have trusts so that the money can be accessed for surviving spouse and/or kids living expenses but cannot be willed away from them. It solves the problem of one spouse dying and the other living for another 50 years and needing the equity from the house for their own nursing home expenses etc (but its locked up for the kids to inherit) We have trustees who approve the expenses so no one can take the piss on reasonable expenses. They arent cheap to set up though and will have running costs, but they also cover if both of us die and the kids are orphaned.

tiggerwhocamefortea · 03/11/2021 18:17

The minimum stipulated as a requirement to leave a spouse is stated in my will - so basically my share of the house - and also at the moment one life insurance policy as he will need money obviously to raise the children then all other assets go to our named biological children (which is worth a LOT more than the house). You're not allowed to leave your spouse Nothing otherwise they can contest the will on reasonable provision grounds. When the kids turn 18 I'll be changing my will so it's just the value of the house