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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my relationship is going nowhere?

3 replies

lostsea · 03/11/2021 09:28

I started dating my current BF at the beginning of the year. He is a wonderful man and this is by far the best relationship I have ever had. He is kind, considerate, generous, all of the traits I've been looking for. We have not argued at all and are able to solve issues between us like partners - something I haven't experienced before. We both have DC from previous relationships, and there is a sizeable 14 year age gap.

He has mentioned introducing out DC on numerous occasions, but I have always declined. Both of out DC's have met previous partners and I want to be sure that the next relationship I introduce my DC to is the one that will last the test of time. A couple of nights ago, he again suggested introducing our DC. I decided that we should have a serious chat about where we both see the relationship going, we've had offhand chats before but nothing serious. We agree on living together, marriage, finances, parenting... the only thing we disagree on is having more DC - he says he 'doesn't know' and 'isn't sure' if he wants more. He has 2, and I only have 1. I have always longed for another child and I want to give my DC a sibling. I have everything else in life sorted out (career, house, money) but I long to have a family, a child with the man I love and raise them together. He has had the sibling experience with his 2, but I haven't. I know I won't be fulfilled without having another DC and I am only 27, I don't feel ready to accept 'I don't know' and potentially give up my chance of being a mum again. Whenever family members and friends announce pregnancies or I meet their newborns, I feel a pang of sadness and jealousy, so I am definitely sure I want more.

I didn't really speak my mind and say my opinion during the conversation, as other things got brought up that derailed it slightly. I really don't want to introduce my DC into a relationship when we haven't even got the fundamentals agreed on. I am not expecting him to agree to having a baby with me, we've only been together 8 months, but I'd need something more concrete, even a 'if everything goes well then yes.' I just feel uncomfortable with the relationship now, and feel like it's inevitable we will break up and perhaps I should just end things which I really don't want to do Sad

OP posts:
NurseButtercup · 03/11/2021 09:35

You've outlined very clearly in your op why you don't want your DC to meet. I think you need to be brave, have the conversation with him and be prepared to end this relationship if he definitely doesn't want any more children.

lostsea · 03/11/2021 09:39

@NurseButtercup

I think I need to be brave and assertive too. I have also spoke to friends and family members about this and they agree I just need to be clear. It's such a shame as I have never experienced a relationship like this before and I am worried I won't meet another man who I feel the same way about... but at the same time I'd be resentful and deeply unhappy if his 'I don't know', turned into a 'no' down the line.

OP posts:
lostsea · 03/11/2021 10:04

Does anyone have direct experience of this issue in their relationship?

OP posts:
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