To wish I could take my children and disappear!

[KevinTheKoala]

I probably am being massively unreasonable and I can't do anything about it anyway but I just wish I could have a whole new life with my children. I feel like I dissapoint everyone I come into contact with. I don't remember the last time my partner didn't say I was doing something wrong - every single day its something. Everything is always my fault, I have given him mental health problems and nothing I do helps. I go to work and get abuse from the customers there even though I'm trying my best and even then I still don't want to come home. Im a huge disappointment to my parents and can't help but feel I have monumentally fucked up my life - I was always such a high achiever in school and that was my entire identity but I've ended up a part time waitress, reliant on antidepressants and going nowhere with no prospects and no idea how to change even if I could find the motivation. The only thing I don't seem to be fucking up is my children (according to health visitors, doctors, my mental health team and children's school - I'm pretty sure I'm a crap parent really but I'm just better than my partner currently is). I dont even know who I am anymore I feel like I've taken so many wrong turns that the only way to fix it is to just wipe the slate clean and start again.

Didn't want to read and run. So sorry you're feeling like this. Could you leave him and just start again on your own with the kids?

I have had an idiotic ex-husband who used to criticise me for EVERYTHING. It was a huge relief when I didn't have anyone telling me I'm doing everything wrong 24/7

OP You are a good mum and you know that. If this man thinks you are so bad why is he still your partner? It looks to me as if he uses you to blame for his own shortcomings

I reckon you would feel a damn sight better about yourself if you did not have this (quite frankly, rotten) man in your life.

There is nothing wrong with being a waitress. It is good, honest work. Please don't feel down about this - you are setting a great example to the DC by going out to work. You are NOT a crap parent, not at all. They are clean, fed and loved aren't they? I bet you are the bees knees at helping with the homework too.

Are you really a disappointment to your parents? Or is this just something you have convinced yourself of?

You know what? You absolutely CAN wipe the slate clean and start again if that is what you want! You CAN take the DC and disappear! Start a secret fund today. Squirrel away as much as you can - even 2 or 3 quid here and there soon adds up. Some people even get cashback when they do the weekly shop from the joint account and stash this away. If you want to do this then you bloody well can and what's more, I think you should. You can have a better life, the life that you and the DC deserve.

The problem is every time I try to leave he turns it all around so it's my fault, and says he's so depressed that I feel guilty for even contemplating leaving because hes put up with my depression for years. I'm scared that I'll leave and realise I made a huge mistake.

@KevinTheKoala

The problem is every time I try to leave he turns it all around so it's my fault, and says he's so depressed that I feel guilty for even contemplating leaving because hes put up with my depression for years. I'm scared that I'll leave and realise I made a huge mistake.

What could happen that would make you think it was a mistake?

As for the rest, you are giving him this power. Revoke it. Do you, like many women, think it's a virtue to put up with being manipulated and treated like dirt? Because that's what a "nice" person would do? It isn't, and there's no virtue in enabling anyone to treat anyone like crap, including yourself. That's not a criticism of you personally, just an explanation of why that reasoning, if you hold it, is totally misguided.

@KevinTheKoala

The problem is every time I try to leave he turns it all around so it's my fault, and says he's so depressed that I feel guilty for even contemplating leaving because hes put up with my depression for years. I'm scared that I'll leave and realise I made a huge mistake.

You won't be making a mistake. He sounds awful and the cause of all your stress/ depression.

@KevinTheKoala

The problem is every time I try to leave he turns it all around so it's my fault, and says he's so depressed that I feel guilty for even contemplating leaving because hes put up with my depression for years. I'm scared that I'll leave and realise I made a huge mistake.

You mean you're scared you won't survive grieving the end of what you wished the relationship was like?

You will survive it. But you would have to allow yourself to feel the emotions and let them run their course and drain away, rather than trying to avoid them by staying in this damaging situation.

All emotions are temporary. Even when they feel like they'll last forever they still change. You have to face them though to learn that.

You can't move forwards if you keep running backwards.

You are describing emotional abuse. A good first step would be to google your local dv service and have a chat to them about everything that’s happening.