To have given away my weaknesses

[Woodorchid]

I’ve spent a lot of time with a colleague recently, got on well and we both opened up about life and work.

I admitted some of the areas I struggle with, mainly social interactions and relationships. I’m fine on the surface but overthink and worry. They sympathised and told me I had nothing to worry about.

Today they described a situation to our manager and played on the weaknesses I had described to them as the reason for it not going well…me not being able to get on with people.

I feel so stupid, we were getting on so well, I’ve tried to be ‘better’ at relationships and now this - what the fuck do I do?

keep a distance from colleague.

You're not stupid; they are unprofessional. Terrible way to carry on on your colleague's part. I hope the manager thinks as badly of them as I do for disclosing your private conversation like that.

@Woodorchid firstly nobody with an orchid in their username can be stupid! 😀

Secondly you were making improvements to yourself so don’t worry about what you said. Self reflection is good.

However, you picked the wrong person to open up to. This colleague is not your friend, they will clearly use whatever “ammunition” they can get on each person they crawl over to get to the top/ get what they want. Do not trust them as far as you could throw them. Use this knowledge on how this person operates, know that they can’t be trusted with what they say and do. At the same time carry on with your job, do it well- that is the best way to show this manipulative bully that they picked on the wrong person.

@candycane222 - they didn’t mention our conversation as such, more drew on it ‘well we know that woodorchid rubs everyone up the wrong way/can’t keep people happy - hahaha’ that kind of thing

They are quite a considered person - ‘friend’ to everyone - I realise I need to keep my guard up with them but think it’s too late

Rule no 1. Always be guarded with colleagues. They are not your friends.

Colleagues are not friends

Never hand someone the gun they're gonna shoot in your direction

Lesson learned, move on and don't blame yourself they behaved treacherously they will be found out these types usually are and their house of cards collapses around them

Were they whispering to you re other colleagues faults? Always a red flag

I fell for that one more times than I like to admit back in the day, now I am much more cautious

I’d be having a word with the ‘friend’ about what exactly they were trying to do with those comments. No way could I say nothing (and I hate confrontation!).

I think a comment like that would reflect worse on them than you. Joking about your colleagues weaknesses isn't team playing and it's not professional, as a manager I'd make a mental note to keep an eye on that person.

@Udouhun

Rule no 1. Always be guarded with colleagues. They are not your friends.

Rule no 2. Never trust anyone who is friends with everyone. They just want the juice.

Omg no colleague is a friend! Trust nobody!

Agree it doesn't look good on the colleague, over time they will become known for doing this over and over and it will bite them in the bum.

Don't feel bad OP, you were open and trusting and had the best intentions. The colleague decided to take advantage for their own ends.

Moving forward you can continue to be polite but don't get drawn into any detailed conversations. You know they're not a safe person. Keep it very light and breezy.

If you want some entertainment try asking them about themselves in the same way they asked and prompted you to talk about yourself. Watch the squirming!

You’re the good guy, who assumed the other person was decent. They weren’t, unfortunately.

A line has been drawn. Is there anything you can use against them?

Always be guarded with work colleagues

[quote Woodorchid]@candycane222 - they didn’t mention our conversation as such, more drew on it ‘well we know that woodorchid rubs everyone up the wrong way/can’t keep people happy - hahaha’ that kind of thing

They are quite a considered person - ‘friend’ to everyone - I realise I need to keep my guard up with them but think it’s too late[/quote]
Could that be a valid reason or are they just covering up?

If covering up speak to your manager and point out what went wrong and that the comment had no base in reality and was unprofessional.

If it was a valid reason talk to the manager anyways. Constructive criticism or tips to improve are one thing. Putting all the blame on you using something you told them you struggle with is something completely different. And once again, very unprofessional.

Overall though, if that's who you are, own it. Change what you can, take control of what you can and only take responsibility for things you're actually responsible for. Stay professional,respectful,polite.

bloody hell, snake in the grass that one.
\actually that's a slur on snakes.
still