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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your stories of finding love in your 40s?

33 replies

gelatodipistacchio · 02/11/2021 20:30

Single mum, recently divorced. I feel that I will be alone forever. Please cheer me (and give me ideas of where I could meet someone!).

OP posts:
Dogknowsbest · 02/11/2021 20:42

I'm in my mid-40s now after divorcing 5 years ago. I won't lie and say I've met the love of my life and that it's been easy. I met someone a year after I broke up my ex-h but he turned out to have a double life. Because I wanted to believe what he was telling me I didn't question him. Two years on from him and I'm really happy. I think it's taken me this long to realise that my long term goal isn't a husband but a companion. In the last year I've really learnt to be happy on my own and it's the best thing I've done for myself.

TurnUpTurnip · 02/11/2021 20:50

How recent? Is there a rush to meet someone why not just be single for a while

Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 02/11/2021 20:50

I really, really want happy stories here if at all possible. I already know that men are trash and that I will probably die alone. I even know that this is probably fine, and I can be happy alone. It would just be nice to pretend that romantic love is an option.

OP posts:
Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 02/11/2021 20:51

@TurnUpTurnip i left him 2 years ago. Turns out he has been dating someone for like 9 months despite crying to me (figuratively) about breaking his heart. I want to feel it's possible for me to find someone too someday.

OP posts:
LouLou198 · 02/11/2021 20:57

Following with interest op, recently found myself in the same situation, similar age to yourself. I feel so lonely and had a good cry today at the prospect of forever being alone!

Bizawit · 02/11/2021 21:04

My granny found love again at 75!! Match.com. Course it’s more than possible. 40s are the new 20s when it comes to dating. Get on the apps!! ☺️

SparklyDino · 02/11/2021 21:19

OMG OP sitting in my car waiting to pick DC up from sports club and was thinking of posting the same thing.

Single 6 years next month and soooo incredibly lonely.

Yeah yeah I'm a strong single woman before people come on to comment. I never thought I'd be single this long. I date at least once a month but am so incredibly picky! My bar is so high ( well high compared to some in here!)

But I'd rather be alone than just make do. I'm in my 50s

So no happy stories from me! My god I've even depressed myself!!

On a good note my kids will be leaving gone in a couple of years so I'll have tidy and quiet house all to myself!!

No I reality I'll be distraught I'm sure!

Trevorwhatever · 02/11/2021 21:32

My exdp and I broke up after 13 years together when I was 40. I went through a bit of a crazy stage afterwards and dated someone completely unsuitable which thankfully didn’t last long.

I then spent some time by myself and concentrated on building friendships and doing hobbies which I enjoyed.

Then I met someone through work and started dating at 43. 4 years on we’re still together and really happy.

Yes it’s possible to find love in your 40’s. I’d written off ever having a partner again but it did happen and I’m glad.

My Auntie found love in her mid 60’s when she went on a singles coach holiday many years ago. It was lovely to see her and her new man look so happy walking through the park hand in hand. He really was a true gent and incredibly kind to her.

MintyGreenDream · 02/11/2021 21:35

My single mum friend has been separated from her exh for a year.Shes now in the early stages of romance with her ds friends dad who she's been friendly with for years.Shes so so happy.

MintyGreenDream · 02/11/2021 21:35

Shes 42

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 02/11/2021 22:07

I met the loveliest man when I was early 40s after a long relationship ended. Seven years on we are still very happy. It’s been a revelation really.

I was not/am not super attractive or special or organised about dating. I just met him through random chance.

I have to say though, I probably wouldn’t have chosen him if I’d been trying to meet people on a dating app or something. I was pretty clueless about what would truly make me happy and I suspect I wouldn’t have thought he was my type.

I think there is a lot to be said for just living your life and remaining open to possibilities but I know, I know it’s easy to say that, much harder to actually put it into practice.

catless · 02/11/2021 22:10

Met my partner when I was 46. Been together 18 years.

Shuffleuplove · 02/11/2021 22:13

My marriage ended some years ago but my ex only lived out about a year ago. I met someone online, I didn’t expect to, and even though we are only a few months in, we are very happy. I pinch myself that we found each other and we spend most of our time either laughing or shagging! We are both in our fifties. What I want post 50 is so different to what I was looking for in my 20s and 30s. There is hope x

Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 02/11/2021 22:21

@LemonJuiceFromConcentrate this is something I fear! Missing someone nice on OLD because they don't fit my preconceptions of what I want.

Here's hoping that Covid blows over and people go to work/socialise again soon

OP posts:
MrsCat1 · 02/11/2021 22:25

I met My Cat in my late 40s. I was a single mum, separated six years earlier. I had a demanding job and a busy life, but missed being really close to someone. We have now been married for 6 years I finally found Mr Right. There is a happy ending out there for you! Smile

Chasingsquirrels · 02/11/2021 22:26

Of course it is possible.

My 1st H left when I was mid-30's with 2 small children.

I then met 2nd DH (actually already worked with him, but hadn't been anything there before) and we were together until he died when I was mid-40s.

I then met current DP, via OLD. Been together for 3 years and very happy. Don't live together.

Who knows what the future will bring.

RockinHorseShit · 02/11/2021 22:32

I was just short of 40 & had been single a few years after kicking out an abusive cocklodger who then went on to stalk me for several months. He was the last in a line of bad relationships. So I'd pretty much had it with men, & really wasn't looking at all & just enjoying being single.

I met up with an old friend who I hadn't seen in about 10 years, when visiting his town with other friends. I didn't think anything of it as we'd been close friends in the past & for years & years, & at times in couples too. We'd always got on well, always thought him very attractive, but we were never both single at the same time, so neither of us ever showed any interest in the other.

We've been very happily married for nearly 20 years now & have a teen DD

crimsonlake · 02/11/2021 22:33

I have just turned 60 and been divorced 10 years. I have had a couple of short term relationships and many dates over the years.
My problem is my bar is so high it is impossible to find anyone,, in fact the person I am looking for probably does not exist. I have decided to change my outlook and will probably see someone for the fourth time this weekend.
I keep looking for that spark, but may be that is expecting too much and I should settle for happy companionship.

Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 02/11/2021 22:44

Brilliant stories! Keep them coming!

OP posts:
Ducksareruiningmypatio · 02/11/2021 22:55

One of my oldest friends! I'm 42
We've known each other 26 years and always had a thing for each other (neither of us knew the other felt the same)
He took a chance and kissed me, I can honestly say I have never been happier

DollyDan · 02/11/2021 23:05

I met the love of my life at 44 at a party I didn’t want to go to, he’s a friend of a friend and never though anything of him (he was always with someone or I was over the years so was totally in the friend zone) but we chatted all night and been inseparable ever since Grin this was after an awful marriage, several years on my own plus one abusive narcissistic wanker from OLD who tried (and failed) to ruin my life, I was absolutely not looking for anyone but couldn’t be happier! There are lovely men out there although OLD suggests otherwise Smile

BelieveInPeople · 02/11/2021 23:14

I divorced in my mid forties, had no intention of being in another relationship but after 3-4 years wondered what might be out there. Dabbled with OLD and was surprised to meet the nicest man I could imagine. A year and a half in and it’s the kindest and most thoughtful relationship I’ve ever experienced and I couldn’t be happier Smile

Silverdorkinghen · 02/11/2021 23:23

Get into ultra running! Loads of lovely people mostly 40+. Lovely and friendly crowd - usually make a few new friends at each event…which will naturally widen your pool of possibilities.

eeek88 · 03/11/2021 01:11

Two friends (single mums) I can think of have met nice men in their 40s who have moved in with them and seem very compatible. Both met online. One pair were long distance for a few years first, locked down together and it went well so they moved in. The other pair met in person for the first time at a party she threw. He mingled happily with her friends and never really left.

DilemmaDelilah · 03/11/2021 13:28

By my mid forties I had had 2 divorces and an 18 month relationship. I finally met my OH online, in my late forties, he is definitely 'the one' and I couldn't be happier.