It's not quite the same thing, but years ago I read a self-help book called "Mr Good Enough". The basic premise was that a lot of women talk themselves out of relationships with actually rather lovely men because they don't tick every box on the very long ingredient list they have for their "perfect" man - conveniently forgetting that if the perfect man existed, there's probably be quite a lot of competition for him!
The author suggested you pick three qualities that your "perfect" man had to have. If they had those three, you had to at least give them a go. Not that you had to commit to them forever, but at least take them for a trial run - not immediately reject them on the grounds they were too short/poor/blond etc.
I came up with the following list for myself:
- Kind. Self-explanatory really. There are a lot of arseholes out there. I wanted a man who would try, as best he could, not to hurt people.
- Funny. It was either going to be funny or clever, and I struggled with this, because I just couldn't see myself with a stupid man, no matter how lovely. But then I realised that anyone I found funny was probably quite clever by default, because that's my sense of humour, but I wouldn't want to spend my life with a clever but humourless man.
- Good work ethic. Doesn't have to be rich, or terribly successful, does have to be a grafter and want to do their best. If just spent the past three years financially supporting a (kind, funny, motivationless) stoner, which informed this choice.
I did eventually end up with a man who ticked all of those boxes, and more. When I met him I did hit him with my two other dealbreakers - I wanted marriage and kids. Thankfully, so did he, so we've been together for nearly twenty years now.
Basically though, I think my first criteria was the most important - kindness. Pick a kind man, and no matter what else happens, at least he won't be deliberately trying to screw you over and hurt you.