to think that "double dating" is utterly cringeworthy?

GoIntoTheLight · 02/11/2021 18:37

Maybe she hasn’t socialised with them much before because she’s been single, and it’s kind of awkward socialising with a couple.

Is it the term “double date” you don’t like, or the concept of two couples spending time together when one of the group is new?

Original poster

PurpleSky300 · 02/11/2021 18:52

@GoIntoTheLight

Maybe she hasn’t socialised with them much before because she’s been single, and it’s kind of awkward socialising with a couple.

Is it the term “double date” you don’t like, or the concept of two couples spending time together when one of the group is new?

It might be the terminology, yeah, very high school. But it's also this "hunger" to do it that I don't really understand.

It just gives me a weird feeling. It's like dragging someone you've just met to a wedding - it's not really about them, you just want to prove something. Women shouldn't need to feel like that in 2021.

OP posts:

Sandinmyknickers · 02/11/2021 19:02

Has she not been hanging out with these couples much before though because they always come as pairs and she feels like she's third wheeling?

Artie30 · 02/11/2021 19:03

I've never been on a double date. My idea of hell 😅

LearningMyLesson · 02/11/2021 19:05

I started reading and thinking I didn't understand but by the end, I see what you mean.

It's the eagerness to start being a couple that you find rather desperate, I think.

MarineBlue33 · 02/11/2021 19:07

Maybe she is a bit insecure. I am quite nosy curious and would just want to meet her new man so don't see a problem in a double date Could be fun.

unluckyinlife · 04/11/2021 14:14

I have been on one double date in my life. it happened to be with someone I had mutual friends with. We both brought friends (his suggestion so it wasn't awkward. Neither of us had met each others friends).

It was extremely awkward. My friend and the other male were not compatible at all. I realised I was more attracted to my dates friend (never did I say this and politely broke things off and remained friends with my date.)

About a year and a half later I recieved a message on FB and a friend request. Fast forward 2 weeks I realised it was the friend from the double date.. We ended up dating briefly. My original date was absolutely fine with it and is now happily married with kids. But the whole situation was odd.

Nothing good can come out of double dating I've decided

DrSbaitso · 04/11/2021 14:53

@PurpleSky300

Now, before I start - I don't mean family gatherings with couples or / established friendship groups just hanging out together.

I mean this strange infatuation that some people seem to have with the idea of 'double dating' itself.

One of my friends has recently found a partner (after being single for a while) and is now extremely eager to 'double date' with seemingly every couple going, regardless of whether she'd usually socialise with them. Maybe I'm out of order but the whole thing just seems so contrived to me, it comes off like something you'd do to project a certain image - not even because these couples know each other but because you want to show that you're not alone and you've finally 'joined the gang' etc. It seems very much like a 'keeping up appearances' thing to me. AIBU?

Well, the simple and obvious answer is that she's been single a while and is now excited to be in a relationship. Presumably the other couples she's double dating with are happy to meet up with her and her partner. How do you know who she always socialises with? Maybe she felt like a third wheel before and is glad she can now see couples with her own partner.

You seem to want to take the most mean spirited view possible of it. All these values you're ascribing to it are coming from you. Why?

jpbee · 04/11/2021 14:56

I think it's cringe if it is described as a double date, especially now (I'm in my 30s). However if a friend asked if I wanted to go out somewhere with our partners I wouldn't find it cringe (providing my DH actually got along with their partner!!)

jpbee · 04/11/2021 14:56

Having said that I'm not a fan, I prefer to meet friends without partners so we can have a good catch up without any distraction.

DrSbaitso · 04/11/2021 14:56

@unluckyinlife

I have been on one double date in my life. it happened to be with someone I had mutual friends with. We both brought friends (his suggestion so it wasn't awkward. Neither of us had met each others friends).

It was extremely awkward. My friend and the other male were not compatible at all. I realised I was more attracted to my dates friend (never did I say this and politely broke things off and remained friends with my date.)

About a year and a half later I recieved a message on FB and a friend request. Fast forward 2 weeks I realised it was the friend from the double date.. We ended up dating briefly. My original date was absolutely fine with it and is now happily married with kids. But the whole situation was odd.

Nothing good can come out of double dating I've decided

Wait, you mean you were casually dating someone, and then you and he set up a blind date between you for your friends, and went on it with them???

Well that was always going to be pretty risky!

I thought OP was talking about established couples who go out as a foursome. Four people who really are literally just casually dating? I don't see that as "keeping up appearances" and all the other moral values, but it's definitely got the potential to go all kinds of wrong.

DrSbaitso · 04/11/2021 15:00

But it's also this "hunger" to do it that I don't really understand.

Well, you say you don't understand it but you also give a number of explanations for it. It "comes off like something you'd do to project a certain image - not even because these couples know each other but because you want to show that you're not alone and you've finally 'joined the gang' etc. It seems very much like a 'keeping up appearances' thing..."

Are you truly open to the idea that you might actually not understand, or have you decided that you do understand, and it's something you don't approve of?

vajingleberry · 04/11/2021 15:06

So your friend has a partner that she includes when making plans to socialise. What's wrong with that?

If she (and her partner) plan to do something with another couple that is a "double date"? It isn't - it's just 4 people agreeing to do something together.

If they made plans with 2 other couples would that be a "triple date" no

At what point is it OK to bring your partner along to something with another couple and for it not to be seen as a double date?

If we invite one other couple for a meal because we, you know, just enjoy their company, is that a double date?

icelollycraving · 04/11/2021 15:08

I think she is feeling pleased that she has a partner and wants to show him off. Perhaps she feels like she’s part of the gang now that she isn’t third wheeling?
It may not be the most modern take but I bet there are plenty like her. It’s not affecting you so why sound so mean spirited about it? Double date = dinner with friends? A bit like ‘date night with the hubby’ not a term I use, but I just think have a nice time.