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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think sonographer may have given game away?

30 replies

lalalonglegs · 12/12/2007 09:44

I went for five month scan yesterday (all well ) and sonographer asked if dh and I wanted to know sex of baby - we both said no. After that the sonographer dutifully referred to "it" and "the baby" but once she said "he" - now I feel all confused. I don't mind what I have - already have a son and daughter - but really mind knowing, I wanted a surprise. Do you think her saying "he" was a giveaway or could I be reading too much into situation?

OP posts:
throckenholt · 12/12/2007 09:45

could just as easily have been a slip of the tongue - and you have no way of knowing until it is born - so no point in getting bothered by it.

SquonkaClaus · 12/12/2007 09:45

you're reading too much into it.

If they had said "she" then maybe that would have been a giveaway, but "he" always seems to be the default mode of reference.

NutterlyUts · 12/12/2007 09:45

I think probably a slip of a the tongue - constantly referring to the baby and it isn't easy ime!

MrsJohnCuSackFullOfPresents · 12/12/2007 09:51

It might just be his default thing as squonka says - we didn't find out the sex with DD and at a scan at about 6 months the sonographer constantly said 'he'

mylittleponey · 12/12/2007 09:53

if you asked wouldn't they say?

lizziemun · 12/12/2007 10:02

Most midwives and sonographer's use 'he' as default.

Rabbitchat · 12/12/2007 10:07

Agree with Squonka too - default reference! Anyway, if you say that you don't want to know, they don't bother to look do they?
I don't think it's leaps off the screen at them, they have to get the sonograph in the right places and take the 'clicks' etc to be able to tell you.

OhGiveUsAPruniPudding · 12/12/2007 10:08

This happened to me too...it's infuriating!!

Original poster
lalalonglegs · 12/12/2007 13:28

Thank you, I definitely feel less let down and more prepared for a surprise. I have no idea what I am looking at on screen but since the sonographers seem to be able to point out all sorts of internal organs and bone structures with a flick of their sensor, I assumed genitalia would be fairly obvious as well - and they would know, even if I didn't (vide: Violet in Coronation St ).

OP posts:
cazzybabs · 12/12/2007 13:30

Mine said he had the 12 weeks scan - so I don't think it gives it away...makes you think though....

moondog · 12/12/2007 13:31

This happened to me.
I had one done in Turkey and although (via translator) i said I didn't want to know,I knew enough Turkish to work out that the bloke was saying 'he'.

Then I had a moral crisis as dh hadn't got that bit so i had to decide whether to tell him or keep it secret.

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 12/12/2007 13:32

My sonographer asked if we wanted to know, we made a big deal of not wanting to know and she played the heartbeat for my dc's to listen to, then asked them if they thought it sounded more like a train or a horse.
She then said she thought it sounded like a train and I wondered if she was giving something away, then realised she could have just as easily been leading us up the garden path.
Do you feel like it is a boy???

CorrieDale · 12/12/2007 13:33

You are reading too much.

I was convinced, absolutely convinced I was having a DD (on no evidence at all mind you!) then at the 36 week scan the consultant referred to 'it' and then once 'he', and I thought 'oh, a boy. Well that's lovely too'. When DD was eventually born, I had to keep checking to make sure she actually was a girl.

tori32 · 12/12/2007 13:35

No, I just think you are reading to much into it. Many sonographers refer to baby as he because they feel its rude to call it 'it'. Also, they sometimes say baby but that means using 'baby' everytime they say something about it which sounds silly.

edam · 12/12/2007 13:37

It's a rule of English grammar that 'the masculine embraces the feminine'. So 'he' has been the default for hundreds of years - it's only since those pesky Women's Libbers burnt their bras that people have been encouraged to use 'he or she'. So I wouldn't get too worried about it. Poor sonographer problably has enough on her hands without remembering to alternate he and she!

MrsDandOllie · 13/12/2007 16:45

Definitely reading too much into it I say!
The same thing happened to my friend but the other way round... she wanted a surprise but the sonographer let slip a 'she' during the scan. My friend was disappointed the game had been given away and prepared for a girl in her head. She had a bouncing boy lol

TuttiFrutti · 13/12/2007 17:04

This could mean anything!

When I had a scan at 5 days overdue, the midwife referred once to "she", which really annoyed me because I didn't want to know the sex. It was a boy!

CaptainVimes · 13/12/2007 17:06

This happened to us as well, and yes it turned out to be a boy. TBH I wasn;t bothered as a) I was convinced it was a boy anyway and b I coulld still say to people that we didn't know the sex (for sure)

Magrat · 13/12/2007 17:06

'he' is default

berolina · 13/12/2007 17:11

With both dses I was asked at relatively early scans (15 and 17 weeks respectively) if I wanted to know, and knew that if it was that clearly visible at that stage they had to be boys - which had been my feeling in both cases anyway, so was happy knowing, although I did (esp first time) feel the game had been given away a little.

MrsDandOllie · 13/12/2007 17:37

I have found out with both my DS's at early scans as well... when the sonographer asked me the 2nd time at the scan if I wanted to know I actually said 'well it must be aboy then as otherwise it wouldnt be so clear this early' (it was 14 weeks) and he told me it is very clear to an experienced sonographer EITHER way from 13 weeks onwards!

wheresthehamster · 13/12/2007 17:40

agree about 'he' being the default.DD1 was referred to as a he at both scans.

goingfor3christmaspuddings · 13/12/2007 17:42

When I was scanned with DD1 one sosngrapher reffered to her a a he then a couple of weeks later another one called her a she. Don't read into it too much.

PortAndLemonaid · 13/12/2007 18:10

I think a lot of people have a default pronoun (I tend to call babies "he", DH's grandfather tended to call them "she", even including DS until he was a couple of months old), just because "it" sounds a bit cold and you can't always say "the baby". I wouldn't read anything into it, to be honest.

Tapster · 13/12/2007 20:23

At my 20 week scan the sonographer said "its quite clear do you want to know the sex" - I took this to mean it was a boy. I felt and looked huge so I felt it must be a boy, I gave birth to a 9lb 1oz baby girl, I called her "he" for the first week as I was so convinced I was having a boy.

I wouldn't want to know next time either and would prefer to wear ear plugs.

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