to ask how to make new friends

[NewBrowser]

This will sound odd but I'm really stuck.

I've lost friends over the past few years as they have moved away, moved on, and some have died.

My long term friends, I met through work mainly rather than joining groups. But these friends live too far away to have a cuppa with. I'm now no longer working, my kids are adults.

I am naturally shy, I have always just had a handful of really close friends rather than acquaintances, and I think my biggest fear of starting to get to know people is, what if I don't like them?

I know this sounds silly, but I hate letting people down. I don't want to get involved with someone who, after a few months, I feel is not my type.

A few people have reached out to me with the very limited social life I have ( Covid etc) but I'm wary of starting something only to find we don't get on.

Does anyone feel the same?

Repeating myself as I’ve said the same elsewhere, but I feel covid and lockdowns have killed the old model of casual meeting-for-coffee new friendships.

People only want to engage with new people if you’re going to be involved in a shared endeavour - with involved being the crucial word. So, producing a play, developing a community garden or setting up a charity together are more likely to pay dividends, in terms of sustained, developing friendliness, than park runs or car boot sales.

How do you spend your time? What do you care about and what to be more engaged in? Perhaps, (if this is possible in your life,) you could think more about new things you might achieve? ‘Doing’ will inevitably draw in people interested in the same thing - but the thing should be the focus, rather than your worries over whether other people might not turn out to be satisfactory.

If people have reached out to you, there’s nothing wrong with meeting them for a coffee once or twice and then stepping away if they’re not you’re type of person. Totally fine. Just take it slowly and don’t get drawn in waist deep by anyone if you’re not comfortable.

The regular class/session is a good idea, that way you’ll see the same set of people each week/month but not be obliged to become more friendly until you’ve got to know them a bit more.