Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fallout with my cousin

11 replies

emsjk · 01/11/2021 23:21

In august I fell out with my cousin. We have been friends since adulthood (she's 8 years older than me so we weren't so close as children).
I felt like she was bullying me (snide comments about my job, weight, marriage, life, putting me down in public, constantly, putting me down to other family members)
After a long time of saying nothing I confronted her about it by text, but I exploded in the text. I told her she was bullying me and that her put downs were coming from a nasty place, that it was relentless and pathological and it was making me feel really down.
She stopped talking to me.
Now several months later wanting to make amends, I have reached out to her and said can we talk it out. However she wants nothing more to do with me.
Her sister additionally told me that what I did to her was horrible. 'Accusing' her of bullying was a nasty thing to do and if I did feel like that I was being unreasonable. That's not what was happening.
These two sisters have now made it known to the rest of the family that I have upset the cousin, that the cousin is very fragile now and in much pain because of this nasty accusation.
I feel so sad that not only did I feel bullied, but when I stood up for myself I was not believed. That I am made to sound unreasonable and crazy in what I am saying.
If I had just kept quiet and let her put me down, none of this would have happened.
It's made me doubt myself and it's affected my mental health so much.
Fellow MNetters what should I do, I'm at such a loss.

OP posts:
Notjustanymum · 01/11/2021 23:40

Ah, the calling out dilemma. OP, why should you, the one who was wronged, be wanting to make amends? Get a few examples of the instances where you felt belittled and put down, and make these known to your other family members, telling them that there are two sides to every story.
People who act like this don’t normally restrict their activities to one person, so she will soon be found out. In the meantime, find some friends you can trust, and let her reach out to you this time, then decide if you can trust her enough to let her back in!
Sorry you have been subjected to this behaviour 💐

HikingforScenery · 02/11/2021 00:15

I could’ve written this post OP.
Except in my case, it was a close friend. She refused to talk to me and would not accept my attempts to build bridges. She made me doubt whether she actually been nasty to me but I know she had, several times.
I’ve made my peace with it all.

I know it’s different as you’re family but I thought I’d let you know that I understand.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/11/2021 02:39

8She stopped talking to me.
Now several months later wanting to make amends, I have reached out to her8

Why?

Noting has happened in the past few months to make her a nicer person.

She was horrible to you. You called her out on it.

Just leave it and stop worrying about it. Sounds like you are better off without her in your life. Sometimes that's family (I speak from experience). Hope you're OK.

Bogeyes · 02/11/2021 05:54

I had the same problem with my brother. Constant put downs...laughing at my clothes... criticism of choice of newspaper...sneering and snide remarks at every opportunity when me met. I sent him an awful text which apparently brought him to tears. He justified his bullying as banter. I very rarely see him now and I don't care if he cried or not. He has killed any feelings I had for him. I have been told that he was jealous of me and that was why he was nasty. I don't care now....I don't have much involvement and I am happier.

MeanyJoany · 02/11/2021 06:29

The only thing you did wrong here was reach out to her, that was a terrible mistake. Why would reach out to a bully who showed off remorse!

What do you do now? Nothing, you do nothing. You hold your head high, enjoy the peace and if anyone asks you about it you simply say "She bullied me for years and when I had enough and called her out on her horrible treatment, she turned it around to act like the victim, classic bullying behaviour and only proving me right, enough said"

Hekk · 02/11/2021 06:35

Leave it and enjoy not being bullied. She'll have to pick on someone else now. Flowers

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 02/11/2021 06:41

Of course she is complaining, bullies always victim blame and lie to make themselves look like the victim.

I agree you should share your side of the story then put it behind you. The relationship is broken, unless she is willing to help repair it you will be in a worse position than before.

donquixotedelamancha · 02/11/2021 06:43

You called someone a nasty, relentless, pathological bully by text; what were you expecting? Of course she stopped talking to you, that's the only outcome of such a message. Of course her sister think you were cruel.

I don't understand why you would try to re-establish contact with someone you thought so terrible?

Cherrysoup · 02/11/2021 07:18

I would let the family know some of the comments and that she has in fact bullied you quite relentlessly. She’s clearly playing victim now to paint you as the bad guy. Stand up for yourself!

Silvercatowner · 02/11/2021 07:25

'Calling people out' rarely ends well. It's not likely they are going to respond by changing their perspective and realising how shitty they've been.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 02/11/2021 07:44

Agh she played herself the victim to a tee there . Why the hell do you want to make amends? Leave her to it you called her out and surprise surprise she didn’t like it .

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread