To want to restrict how much we have the heating on

[reallyagain]

After a winter working from home last year we were hit with a horrendous heating bill (several thousand on top of already paying quite a high amount per month). So this year with gas prices being so high I’m really conscious of being careful. DH wants it on much more than I do and it’s causing endless rows. He’s turned it on 4 separate times today and is sulking when I comment. We share heating bills - I suggested he pays more to have it on more but he refuses.

How much do you have the heating on if you work from home?

Well, no, they don't have to have a temperature in the middle. They can have their preferred temperature in the room they're in as they're both wfh in different rooms.

At some point, they are going to be in the same room, no? To sleep? To eat? To chill out together.... That's where there will need to be compromise.

If he wants it up he pays for it. I’m the same. Grew up in a single glazed house in England. My husband is from Sydney. He wants a heater on all day in the “winter” (16-20 degrees outside) and air con on in summer. I’m used to putting on an extra jumper/Uggs and making do or a fan. Our bills are extortionate. He pays extra.

I would as paying £126 a month for a drafty 5 bed detached until Dec last year, everyone wore jumpers and we had a small heater for the office for exh to work from home, kids sat under blankets (by choice) I now have a 4 bed terrace and pay £110 a month and it's warm all the time, it's insulated though

I am very much of the "put a jumper on" persuasion. It's not only the bill, it's also better for the planet. I find it gets too stuffy if it's on all day too.

@TubeOfSmarties

I am very much of the "put a jumper on" persuasion. It's not only the bill, it's also better for the planet. I find it gets too stuffy if it's on all day too.

As has been pointed out already @TubeOfSmarties "just put a jumper on" isn't always enough for extremely cold weather or for people who really feel the cold. We are already wearing several layers and don't want to feel like the Michelin man.

I can only assume it never gets really cold where you live.

"As has been pointed out already @TubeOfSmarties "just put a jumper on" isn't always enough for extremely cold weather or for people who really feel the cold. We are already wearing several layers and don't want to feel like the Michelin man.

I can only assume it never gets really cold where you live."

Not sure why the tone, tbh. I didn't say you need to keep adding jumpers til you can't move or that the heating never needs to go on. But it's step one, and OP's husband isn't doing it. I was replying to her post, and taking her side. I haven't read every single comment so not sure why you're so sensitive about the word "jumper", sorry if I offended you

Nothing worse than being cold at 10pm just before bed.

I’m the opposite. Being too warm before bed is the worst thing for me, I like the room being a bit cold. As soon as the weather gets colder I’m happy because it’s finally cold enough to comfortably snuggle in bed. If it’s too hot from heating/summer I can’t wrap up in the duvet and cuddle.

I do think there’s a mindset where just having the thermostat set or turning the heating on is normal and what people do. Sitting in thin tops and maybe not owning thermals/jumpers or allowing yourself to try and be warm by yourself through layering up. Like other things in life, it’s something we need to adapt to if people care about climate change. We can’t complain whilst doing nothing to change our behaviour, and it’s really showing how badly peoples homes really are insulated now.

@TubeOfSmarties

I am very much of the "put a jumper on" persuasion. It's not only the bill, it's also better for the planet. I find it gets too stuffy if it's on all day too.

We put our heating on for the first time last night...I wouldn't have bothered for myself but our DC said they were chilly so obviously we put it on. It was quite nice but after a while I felt really stuffy. If dh is out, I like to lie in bed under the duvet but with the window open. The cold really doesn't bother me much....

I don't like being wasteful generally, so I don't want the heating on more than is necessary to feel warm enough. Not so warm that I'm wearing just a t shirt indoors in winter, or just leaving the heating on all the time because I can afford to. It's no different from not wasting food, not having a bigger car than you really need, not washing clothes after single use, all those things.

But I do have friends who don't feel the cold and don't have the heating on enough, and when I visit them.i make sure I've got thermals on and thick socks. I'm not prepared to wear thermals all the time at home though.

@userxx

Can he layer up ? He's being a bit of a knob, if he wants it on he needs to pay for the privilege.

I could just imagine the sex reverse.

"DH says I can oy put the heating on if I pay extra. He says if he's warm enough then it isn't to go on unless I pay for the privilege. We split all bills. Aibu?"

She'd be td to leave the abuse arsehole

If he refuses to pay for the extra heating HE WANTS then he is a miserly arsehole.

@SleepingStandingUp I think it would read more like:

""DH says I can only put the heating on for the rest of the house while I only use a single room if I pay extra. He says if he's warm enough then it isn't to go on unless I pay for the privilege. We split all bills, we're currently paying £660 a month for heat and DH says we're having trouble finding the money for the mortgage and other bills as a result. And yet, I refuse to take any of the following reasonable steps: stop taking ice cold showers, wear any layers or a jumper, use a space heater or electric blanket, go back to the office or heat just the space in which I work. Aibu?"

I think the answers would not be LTB in that case...!

I'd definitely get your system checked OP and speak to your provider. £660 pcm suggests there's a problem somewhere and it doesn't seem to me to be your DH! I'm with him I'm afraid.

OP, £660 a month just on gas usage and standing charges not including any debt is a crazy amount of gas on a normal domestic tariff.

If as you say your bill is correct then the house must either be at sauna like temperatures or incredibly poorly insulated and drafty or you've got your windows wide open.

I would get a couple of thermometers and check the actual temperature in the rooms when he says he is cold. Pitch it as an experiment to check the heating/bills and see how you can make the house warmer.

Central heating thermostats aren't representative of the temperature in the whole house, if it is in a particularly warm or cold area it can be pretty misleading. You may also find some rooms are warmer than others. He probably isn't being unreasonable to want to work in a temperature in the early 20s as sitting still does make you cold. Over 25 is excessive and environmentally irresponsible though.

It isn't unreasonable to expect him to pop a jumper/fleece and a pair of slippers on. But it is a bit unreasonable to expect him to need hat/gloves/blanket if the family can afford to have the heating a bit higher.

Consider moving him to a warmer room and you using a cooler one if possible. I am much warmer since I started working in a bedroom rather than the lounge and if I get too cold it is a smaller space to heat.

Adjust the radiators in each room so that when the heating is on you aren't heating rooms that don't need it. Consider getting new radiators with thermostatic controls for each room. Also consider a programmable thermostat so you can control the heat throughout the day and ensure the heating is higher at times when he feels most cold and then drop it down at times he won't notice.

Start draft proofing and insulating. There are lots of free/cheap solutions that you can get going with immediately, and for more expensive insulation measures there are grants although it is worth spending money to save money and energy.

Make sure your in home display for your smart meter is visible and he can see how much he is spending per day. You can set a budget on some so that it shows amber if you are getting close to budget and red if you exceed. Agree with him what he is happy to spend on heating and set the budget accordingly them show him when it goes red. He needs to understand what turning the heating up means for family finances.

[quote Xiaoxiong]@SleepingStandingUp I think it would read more like:

""DH says I can only put the heating on for the rest of the house while I only use a single room if I pay extra. He says if he's warm enough then it isn't to go on unless I pay for the privilege. We split all bills, we're currently paying £660 a month for heat and DH says we're having trouble finding the money for the mortgage and other bills as a result. And yet, I refuse to take any of the following reasonable steps: stop taking ice cold showers, wear any layers or a jumper, use a space heater or electric blanket, go back to the office or heat just the space in which I work. Aibu?"

I think the answers would not be LTB in that case...![/quote]
Tbh I missed the 30 pages of detail. My nad

Surely if you have your heating on 'all day' it doesn't actually stay on all day? Mine will turn on and get the house to temp in about 30 mins then turn off for a good couple of hours before it will need to click on again. £660 is crazy and mine is £250 a month.

Like i said if youve checked everything is correct just dont pay half he cant force you to

I'm like Cinderella on the stroke of 10 I go from Elsa to a demon. I'm cold all day layered up OH still complains if the radiators nest set at 18c comes on. But at night I want windows open and cold air flowing through the bedroom. He now wears a night shirt to accommodate me. During the day I accommodate by layering, rug on knees, throw on sofa .

You spend more on fuel than I do in rent per month.

We live in a 70s build that has no insulation, a roof that needs replaced, and the orginial windows.

What we have done/do is - keep the door shut in the room(s) we are using, use draught excludes, close curtains on particularly cold days (use a SAD lamp on these days) and we use temperature and time set radiator valves on the lesser used rooms. These valves allow us to turn certain radiators on/off manually or automatically so, for example, in our spare room it's set to manual while our office is set to heat from 8am to 6pm to 20° but our bedroom only heats to 18° and heats 6am to 10pm. The only room that doesn't have a valve is where the central heating controls on the wall are as that could confuse the whole system and result in more energy/fuel use.

Our house is 3 bedroom, 3 other rooms, 1 bathroom and very, very draughty and loses heat like crazy (in under 15 mins of heating going off) and we spend £135 a month and balanced...which I grudge as previously we had it down to £91 and in credit.

Thanks onnatures - are these valves you bought that fit to standard radiators?

Yes. I bought them off amazon a few years ago.

Thanks I'll have a look now

OMG, we have clearly established that your husband is completely bonkers and you ADNBU!!!!!! He on the other hand needs to grow up!
I hope you have found some solutions that might work for you, (besides getting your DH to stop being a dick!)

We have a smart thermostat (it came with the boiler) the DH has set so that the temperature can only be changed via our app so the DCs can't turn the heating on at all times.

Would showing him what else you could be done with the money work? Withdraw £400 pounds in cash (because that it I think how much over the odds you are paying, I paid £120 a month last winter for a four bed semi,) show it to him along with a list of lovely things that you could buy with that money. Over a year that is a nice holiday worth.

Just keep turning the temperature back down and ignoring his stupid whinging?

Having the thermosat set at above 25 means there is something wrong with your hubby's metabolism.

Ask him to pop along to the doctors for blood tests. Things like thyroid, pituitary gland and adrenal issues can all cause a distortion in the way you feel temperature.

My hubby deals with air flow and temperature control as part of his daily job, and apparently 21 is the best ambient temperature for everyone as people can then layer accordingly due to their personal threshold levels. Requiring a constant temperature of over 25 is considered hospital territory and never recommended unless you are dying.

You will find numerous reports available on a Google search regarding what is considered an average ambient temperature. 21 is the concensus and is why companies set it to this level if you do work in an office.

If he requires the heating on during the day say you are happy to put it to 21 between 9 and 5. If he wants it over 25 in the evening then he needs to get blood tests to make sure he is okay, as you are obviously a concerned wife and need to know he is okay.

Good luck xxx