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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel bad about this

21 replies

Dibble135 · 01/11/2021 22:02

I’ve been invited to what was described as a pre-Christmas event and offered tickets for my DH and two others so I’ve asked our good married friends on the basis this is a free night out. All said yes.

Invite has now arrived and it’s black tie which neither of the guys have so have now arranged to go shopping this weekend.

I feel guilty about the cost so have offered to pay towards the cost of the suits.

Is this the right thing to do?

I feel daft as I should have guessed it would be black tie or checked before I said yes and invited friends!

OP posts:

ThelmaMadine · 01/11/2021 22:07

I wouldn’t expect a friend to contribute to the cost if my outfit, black-tie or otherwise.

Plus, and I’m not being mean, I’d probably be a bit offended if they offered unless there was a very specific reason that money would be discussed in the first place.

At the end of the day, your friends can decline the invite if they feel that the dress code is too expensive/inconvenient.

3luckystars · 01/11/2021 22:08

Can they rent the outfits?

Startrooper · 01/11/2021 22:09

I would not have offered to pay for their outfits! I would have just told them “oops, I’ve just found out that it’s a black tie event. Do you still want to go?” They can then decide if they have appropriate clothing or can afford to hire/buy a suit. I’m not sure how you can retract the offer though so I hope you can afford it.

Moonshine11 · 01/11/2021 22:10

Rent a suit etc

I can see where your coming from but no it's not the norm, instead I would have said I understand if this is too much.

Original poster

Dibble135 · 01/11/2021 22:11

I did say I don’t want them to be offended. I’m not suggesting they need the money, but I’m worried it’s unfair for them to go to the expense for the sake of coming to an event with me.

OP posts:

Cofifeefee · 01/11/2021 22:12

No, there is no need to offer to pay. They can always refuse the invite.

Justmuddlingalong · 01/11/2021 22:14

If they didn't want to pay for outfits, they'd refuse the tickets, surely. I think offering to chip in for outfits is a bit OTT.

OwlinaTree · 01/11/2021 22:15

Send them to Matalan, they can get dinner suits from there this time of year. Won't break the bank.

Original poster

Dibble135 · 01/11/2021 22:19

Omg now I’m panicking I will have upset them by offering! I should have asked here first…

OP posts:

Moonshine11 · 01/11/2021 22:23

@Dibble135

Omg now I’m panicking I will have upset them by offering! I should have asked here first…

I'm sure you won't have! I wouldn't be. I think you initially panicked 😂 They'll be fine, did they reply?

Original poster

Dibble135 · 01/11/2021 22:39

No the message has delivered but not read so they must be asleep! My DH says I’m worried for nothing.

I’ve offered to buy his too btw!

OP posts:

Moonshine11 · 01/11/2021 22:43

WhatsApp? You can delete them if they aren't read yet

TopCatsTopHat · 01/11/2021 22:47

If they're good friends you'll be able to say, how you didn't mind the offer I was just thrown by the unedited black tie and worried I'd landed you in it. Obviously the original invitation wasn't clear so if you'd rather reconsider no offence taken, or we can still go and feel fancy.'
Or something along those lines. If they're such good friends they'll immediately see where you were coming from and you can all have a laugh about it.

TopCatsTopHat · 01/11/2021 22:48

Hope
Unexpected
🙄

Original poster

Dibble135 · 02/11/2021 07:51

@Moonshine11

WhatsApp? You can delete them if they aren't read yet

Thanks for the tip! I deleted it

OP posts:

TheGirlInTheGreenDress · 02/11/2021 07:54

Something will appear in WhatsApp saying “deleted message” so have an excuse ready, like you sent a message to them instead of someone else!

Tal45 · 02/11/2021 09:00

I think it was kind to offer to cover the cost, I don't think you should have deleted the message. I would look at renting though rather than buying.

Original poster

Dibble135 · 02/11/2021 09:36

Will do! Thanks everyone, honestly I’m such a worrier so it’s good to have somewhere to get an outside perspective x

OP posts:

Original poster

Dibble135 · 02/11/2021 14:29

Update - just had a text to say they’ve had a change of heart and don’t want to buy a tux which he might never wear again so are not going!

I knew it was too much to ask but what’s mad is they are now offering to take us out for dinner to make up for it!

I’ve said there is no need as I completely understand

OP posts:

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 02/11/2021 16:11

They're lovely, you're lovely, just accept all the kindness that's flowing around. The hiccup was no-ones fault after all. Sounds like a great excuse for an evening with your friends. 😊

Wishimaywishimight · 02/11/2021 16:14

You sound really generous and so do your friends - have a great night out! Tbh, I wouldn't want to incur the expense of a 'black tie' outfit which I would very rarely get a chance to wear so I would probably have done the same in their shoes.

Flip