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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House keeping

24 replies

Chaz190 · 01/11/2021 20:13

My son is now 18 and has a full time job. Am I being unreasonable asking for house keeping?
I'm asking for £120 a month this includes help towards electricity, heating, water and WiFi (he drains the WiFi as he likes to game in his free time every evening )all meals, and I buy his toiletries and washing pods. He doesn't do any jobs around the house apart from doing his own washing.
Need advice on this please.
I'm on a very low income and only just scrap by as it is.

OP posts:
Member984815 · 01/11/2021 20:17

That seems reasonable to me

dizzydizzydizzy · 01/11/2021 20:20

That sounds like a very small amount.

It must be costing you more than that per month to keep him.

How much is he earning?

MatildaTheCat · 01/11/2021 20:21

Sounds fine and he should definitely be pulling his weight around the house. If you cook he washed up. Clean his room, change bedding, Hoover the house every couple of weeks. Doesn’t have to be a huge amount but everyone should contribute to work around the house. Rent is entirely separate.

You could pay £10k a month in rent and the LL still won’t do your cleaning 🤣

Doublechins · 01/11/2021 20:21

Not unreasonable at all

SeaHollyDaiz · 01/11/2021 20:21

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for housekeeping money, however I think that you'd be doing him a favour in the long run to get him to do more about the house...

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/11/2021 20:21

Of course he should be paying rent and towards bills.

Pumpkinsonparade · 01/11/2021 20:21

20 %is the agreed rate here..

Sleepinghyena · 01/11/2021 20:25

£250 per month would only be £60 odd a week. This is still very low. He must eat/use electric/etc at least this much.
And I would only be buying v basic toiletries to - maybe shampoo/soap. He can buy anything else

curtains15 · 01/11/2021 20:30

Id ask for a little more but secretly save the extra for him.

TrueRefuge · 01/11/2021 20:32

I like curtains' idea of upping it and putting some aside for savings.

But definitely, this is not unreasonable by any stretch (and should not substitute jobs as well - he should be contributing around the house far beyond just his washing). You could do some calculations of what his rent, bills and food would be were he to live in a bedsit just to show him what a good deal he's getting!

TwoBlueFish · 01/11/2021 20:38

I’d work out the real cost of his share of bills and food (don’t forget things like you loosing single person council tax discount). There’s no way that it’s as little as £120. How much is he earning?

Original poster
Chaz190 · 01/11/2021 21:10

He works 40 hour a week and on £9.80 an hour, so not sure what that works out at. He says he wants to be able to put money away each month (but wouldn't we all) I do everything around the house as well as looking after my 2 younger children that have disabilities so I'm on the go non stop. My son says he should have to pay towards the bills as I already have to pay them. I've also told him to look for somewhere else to live and then he won't have any money left to save.
I've even just Brought him his 1st car. I feel I do everything and just have the pass taken out of me. 😪😪

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/11/2021 21:11

How can he drain the WiFi? Do you mean he uses all the broad band width?

And yes of course he should contribute.

annawi · 01/11/2021 21:24

By my estimate £9.80 for 40 hours a week is around £20,000 a year. This works out at £16-17,000 a year after tax, NI etc.

This is about £1,300-1,400 a month so you charging him £120 a month would be less than 10% of his income which seems a bit low. If it was me I would be asking for a bigger contribution - more like £300 which is around a quarter of income. Hes not going to get anything for less than about £500+ a month in total if he moves out. Maybe you could help him save by saying that you will put £50 of the £300 cost away for when he needs it for a deposit etc

SnugKnights · 01/11/2021 21:28

I’d be charging him £100 per week. What’s your income in comparison to his? He’ll be having showers that cost money, heating his room costs money, he eats your food etc. Plus you’re a family and he’s an adult now so he needs to contribute. That’s the realities of being an adult!

Twillow · 01/11/2021 21:35

He's technically correct that one extra person doesn't affect household bills very much - but that's not the point.
Sit down with him and work out together what he would be paying to live independently - rent, broadband, energy, council tax. Show him your food bills for a month. Show him what, if any, you have left at the end of the month. It is up to him what sacrifices he is willing to make in how much he saves, like all of us. If he isn't willing to contribute a minimal amount as a working adult, he has a hard choice to make.
I have a working adult child at home and recently put the housekeeping up from £100 to £150 due to the rising costs of food and energy. I'm not willing to subsidise someone who has an endless stream of Amazon and clothing parcels arriving Envy. My last two parcels were vaccum bags and a new seal for the washing machine...yay

Mojoj · 01/11/2021 21:36

Charge him at least £300. He's taking the piss.

RustyCat · 01/11/2021 22:02

He's absolutely taking the piss if I'm being honest by him refusing to pay and not helping out. Before my 16th birthday I was told I had to get a job and pay rent, when I was 16, so I got a Saturday job due to school. I paid £110 a month out of my £130 monthly wage. When I went full time I then had to pay 1/3 of my wage or £400 which ever was largest. I still was able to save up enough money to put down a deposit on a flat myself.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable or unrealistic in asking for that small amount from him. He needs to learn how to live in the real world, be it paying some money to you or moving out (as you said) and having literally no free money to save himself.

romany4 · 01/11/2021 22:08

For context, I used to pay my mum £80 a month when I earned £200.
In 1988!!
He's taking the piss. I charged my sons £300 when they lived at home and were working

RandomMess · 01/11/2021 22:16

Seriously £120 isn't enough.

How much is your food shopping?

BrilliantBetty · 01/11/2021 22:25

I wouldn't want to charge my teenager, if I could help it.

But he seems ungrateful so you might actually be doing him a massive favour by instating this arrangement and other things like cooking for himself, getting groceries in, taking responsibility for some things. Although sounds like he's doing well to have full time work.

RandomMess · 01/11/2021 22:26

My 19 year old complained, looked into moving out. Decided staying with us was a bargain after all 🤣

TwoBlueFish · 03/11/2021 09:45

He’s a working adult, earning £1400pn and he’s begrudging £120! Of course he should pay a portion of the bills, it’s called being an adult. Just food for him probably comes to close to that amount, if he wasn’t living there then you wouldn’t need to pay it. Sit down with him with the bills and other household costs and a budget. Then get him to price up how much it would cost him to move out and hopefully he’ll see that he’s on an exceptionally good deal.

Thehop · 03/11/2021 09:49

You’re mad! He needs to be paying £100 a week on that salary!!! He’s earning more than me! What job is he doing?

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