To think postpartum anxiety isn't that unusual?

[UbicornsFunkyTop3]

I've always been sensitive to hormonal fluctuations but never more so than after having DC2. Her birth was traumatic and I suffered with alot of postnatal anxiety (alongside being diagnosed with PTSD) and I was a bit of a nervous wreck for some time / panic attacks / feeling not quite right / sense of constant impending doom and not being able to relax.

I got better eventually, over time, and years later we decided to have DC3 who is now a couple of weeks old. I was dreading the postpartum stage but felt confident I'd be ok this time providing all went well with the birth (and it did)

But low and behold, the postnatal anxiety is back with a vengeance. I've had 3 panic attacks this week and feel familiarity out of sorts. I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass but jesus, it's not nice

AIBU to think that as unpleasant as it is, it's actually very common? Can anybody relate?

I think it would be abnormal not to have anxiety after the arrival of a new baby. Even a with a birth that goes well (and let’s face it how many really do) you have a tiny alien creature entirely dependent on you. There’s the feeding, exhaustion, worrying about all the things that might afflict your baby, worrying that you’ll stay well to look after your baby. I was a wreck both times.

@DingleyDel

I think it would be abnormal not to have anxiety after the arrival of a new baby. Even a with a birth that goes well (and let’s face it how many really do) you have a tiny alien creature entirely dependent on you. There’s the feeding, exhaustion, worrying about all the things that might afflict your baby, worrying that you’ll stay well to look after your baby. I was a wreck both times.

Thank you, I needed to hear something like this tonight. I'm so sorry you went through it too. It's all a bit shit isn't it?

I've got my lovely baby resting on my chest as I write this and I wish so much that I could just relax and enjoy this time, yet I'm fighting back tears about how on edge I feel.

What helped get you through it? I found time to be the best healer last time, alongside therapy. I'll probably need to have some of that again. Ugh.

I had awful postnatal anxiety both times - intrusive thoughts, the works. Definitely worse with DC2. Midwives, HVs and GP were all great. Nobody minimised or catastrophised how I was feeling and everyone normalised it, especially since I was upfront about it and had a few sessions of counselling, so they could see I was managing things and being proactive. What I do think is that there should be more forewarning as part of prenatal care about how you are likely to feel emotionally after giving birth. As per a PP, I was a wreck and it went on for longer than the NHS pages say it "should." Whilst it is important to seek help if anxiety persists in case you have postnatal depression and need further support, I also think there is a lot of scaremongering and not enough recognition that your emotions going haywire and massively raised anxiety that can make you feel really distressed and very odd for a while are totally normal after you give birth. Women need to know that it can be expected and that it is ok to talk about it without fear of judgement or recrimination.

@Caelus

I had awful postnatal anxiety both times - intrusive thoughts, the works. Definitely worse with DC2. Midwives, HVs and GP were all great. Nobody minimised or catastrophised how I was feeling and everyone normalised it, especially since I was upfront about it and had a few sessions of counselling, so they could see I was managing things and being proactive. What I do think is that there should be more forewarning as part of prenatal care about how you are likely to feel emotionally after giving birth. As per a PP, I was a wreck and it went on for longer than the NHS pages say it "should." Whilst it is important to seek help if anxiety persists in case you have postnatal depression and need further support, I also think there is a lot of scaremongering and not enough recognition that your emotions going haywire and massively raised anxiety that can make you feel really distressed and very odd for a while are totally normal after you give birth. Women need to know that it can be expected and that it is ok to talk about it without fear of judgement or recrimination.

Ah the Intrusive thoughts, yep I have them too. Horrible things aren't they? Fortunately I'm able to recognise them for what they are this time around, my lovely therapist admitted that even she gets the one about jumping infront of an incoming train and she's totally sane

I'm so sorry you suffered too. It's so much more common than I realised previously and I completely agree there needs to be more awareness raised and forewarning about how women may feel postpartum.

One of my biggest fears is losing the plot to the extent of needing inpatient treatment. Logically I know it's unlikely but there's not much room for rationality when your hormones are running amok.

I had postnatal anxiety after my first birth, it was traumatic, baby had some health issues and just the general shock of being a first mum. No one mentioned it at the time though even though I felt very off and I didn't fit the criteria for postnatal depression so just worried compulsively.
By the time I had my second I knew that what I'd had was anxiety and was able to label it better when it did occur. This helped me to cope better but I did go on to be prescribed sertraline when baby was 5months as lockdown occurred and this has really helped with my anxiety in general. I believe I was suffering with it pre-kids, I feel so much happier and relaxed these days and do recommend exploring meds if you think they might help.
Massive congrats by the way :)

I didn’t seek help because I don’t think I even recognised it for what it was. With my 1st I think gp should have picked up on it as I kept going to them with ridiculous health anxiety over silly things. I agree the biggest thing is time. I think perhaps I was lucky that it sort of improved around the 8 week mark however a lot of those early months are a blur. I wish I could have enjoyed them more, so totally relate to that. The only other thing I can say is I had great support from DH and my DM. Oh and losing myself in great books during and podcast during the night feeds helped my racing and intrusive thoughts. Hope you have a good support network OP and hoping it will get better for you soon.

@dingleydel I did the exact same with going to the doctor about the smallest things. My health anxiety was off the charts, it's like I knew something was wrong with me and just hoped a professional would help :(

@IrishMamaMia

I had postnatal anxiety after my first birth, it was traumatic, baby had some health issues and just the general shock of being a first mum. No one mentioned it at the time though even though I felt very off and I didn't fit the criteria for postnatal depression so just worried compulsively. By the time I had my second I knew that what I'd had was anxiety and was able to label it better when it did occur. This helped me to cope better but I did go on to be prescribed sertraline when baby was 5months as lockdown occurred and this has really helped with my anxiety in general. I believe I was suffering with it pre-kids, I feel so much happier and relaxed these days and do recommend exploring meds if you think they might help. Massive congrats by the way :)

Thank you so much, he's a lovely baby albeit very nocturnal and I'm smitten

I was actually prescribed sertraline myself last time this happened, but I chickened out of taking it. I didn't like the sound of "you will probably feel worse before you feel better" and couldn't imagine how I'd possibly handle feeling any worse, however temporary.

I opted to have psychotherapy by itself instead but with hindsight I could have likely recovered sooner if I just took the medication. It's great to read that it helped you and I'll bare that in mind if I don't feel any better in a few weeks and need to discuss with my GP.

@DingleyDel

I didn’t seek help because I don’t think I even recognised it for what it was. With my 1st I think gp should have picked up on it as I kept going to them with ridiculous health anxiety over silly things. I agree the biggest thing is time. I think perhaps I was lucky that it sort of improved around the 8 week mark however a lot of those early months are a blur. I wish I could have enjoyed them more, so totally relate to that. The only other thing I can say is I had great support from DH and my DM. Oh and losing myself in great books during and podcast during the night feeds helped my racing and intrusive thoughts. Hope you have a good support network OP and hoping it will get better for you soon.

I can relate to so much of your post. My health anxiety was through the roof too, at one point I was just convinced I had the dreaded C word. I've read that's a common thing to catastrophise about when suffering with anxiety, which makes sense I guess.

I've also been absorbing myself in books and podcasts as a distraction from the racing thoughts and it does help temporarily. Any recommendations would be most welcome

I don't have much family support beyond DH but he's very hands on and bends over backwards to lighten the load for me which I'm so grateful for. I don't think he fully understands PNA but he's kind about it and he cares which counts for alot.

I had postnatal anxiety after my second and it was horribly hard so you have my sympathy

I took meds for about a year and CBT really helped me - taking away the fear of the anxiety and learning to believe it would pass made it bearable.

It did pass, I recovered and you will too

Congratulations on your lovely new baby.

I suffered very badly from post natal anxiety which charmingly developed into post natal ocd ('pure o' where you obsess but your compulsions don't seem visible) and in hindsight I was close to suicidal as I couldn't rationalise my intrusive thoughts and thought the best thing for my babies was to not be there.

I had a number of previous losses, emergency surgery and ivf so struggled throughout my pregnancy to connect with the fact that I would be bringing an actual baby (or two in my case) home. So it wasn't a huge surprise but people were looking out for pnd and I was never depressed.

My GP was my total hero and I'll never forget her kindness and acceptance. I had private healthcare via work which was hugely lucky for me and she got me a referral to a physiatrist with a week. He was able to give me some more targeted medication approaches than you typically get via the nhs and luckily I responded well.

It took me about 18 months to come off the meds then the anxiety morphed into pretty acute health anxiety a couple of years later for which I had cbt. These days I am pretty much ok but it took some time. You will get there but keep on asking for help. There are some pretty good resources out there for self care as well. I also found just talking about it hugely helpful - my dh was the most supportive and accepting person ever and never sought to minimise that this was real to me.

Your dh doesn't have to understand bless him - mine is a right dolt. But we worked out together that I felt better if I just said things aloud to him no matter how ridiculous/out of left field they were. Just saying the words helped my brain process them and he knew he didn't have to say anything (that's important, he needs to get he doesn't have to 'fix' what you are saying, it's just words you need to get out).

Maybe worth a try?

God, mine was absolutely horrific after DD2. Definitely common I think. It will get better, hang on in there. Speak to the doctor or midwife though if you are feeling it, I actually got some help from mine. X

Hopefully your doctor or midwife will be a bit better placed to help you this time with it given the history. I found my HV second time round very sympathetic and understood PNA so I knew she was there if I needed her.
I've found this thread almost cathartic, it really does see more common than I realised. I guess our body and brains go through so much when we bring a baby into the world. Hang in there OP, try and get some rest and downtime when you can. I hope you feel better soon.

Congratulations OP. You're definitely not alone. I'm 3m pp and I think it is settling - but it has been worse after my second than my first baby. I wonder if it tends to worsen with subsequent children? It is something to consider for me when I think about trying for a third.

Thank you all so much, I feel more 'normal' for reading these replies which helps so much when I spend a large part of the day feeling anything but.

That being said, I'm truly sorry you have all been through the same. It's hellish and I wouldn't wish it upon any woman. I'm equally relieved to read that you all came out the other side and got better.

When you're in the thick of it - it can be hard to believe you'll ever feel normal again

I definitely think it gets worse with subsequent children, atleast that has been my experience. I also developed horrendous PMS after DC2 (my birth trauma baby) which I never had before. I actually wondered whether it was PMDD such is the extremity of it. I'm not looking forward to that making it's comeback either after a (semi) blissful nine months without it.

As wonderful as it is being a woman it's bloody hard work. If I weren't dead cert on having finished our family I think I'd quite like to be the dad next time. Jammy sods get all the nice bits and none of the slog that we do.

You have my deepest sympathy, OP. It is a truly terrifying condition. I wasn't smitten with either of my DDs at the very beginning because all I could feel was fear and terror - there wasn't space for anything else. I just cried and cried. And tried to make it through the hours. I couldn't cope with the horrible rising panic wouldn't let me alone.

But.
You have got through this before, and you will again.
What worked before will work again.
Surround yourself with people who will support you, and help you, and show you that they love you.
If you aren't already, ask to be referred to your local perimental mental health team. They saved my life.
The best advice I ever got was not to worry about next week, or tomorrow, or tonight, or even five minutes from now. Just be in the moment - here, now. It really helped me not to let my mind wander and just to look at my baby and what she needed.

This too shall pass, OP, as you already said. You will get better. Everything will work out.

Yes I had this with varying degrees after each child. Looking back I think although life is so busy with a newborn and other kids my mind likes to be busy busy and without the distractions of work (I don't even like work !)etc I catastrophised a lot, worried about random things..the future.. anything and everything. Very hard to do but having some sort of activity just for me and carving out time (also nearly impossible) helped. Having a project or some DIY or something gave me a focus. Its a whole mess of hormones / stress/ meeting all the needs of everyone /constantly changing growing baby /expectations its no wonder we feel like this..hope it gets better soon ...it will pass !

Hi everyone
My 2nd baby is 6 weeks tomorrow and i’m suffering with PNA. I think its been brought on as baby has reflux and cows milk allergy so we have been through the mill recently and she still isn’t 100% and cries in pain which is hard. I just wondered how you are now OP and whether things got easier for you…and if so when? xx

@Bunny2607 how are you feeling now? My 2 did was born in March and my anxiety is through the roof still! I was put in a mother and baby unit 2 weeks after she was born for 6 weeks. I’m now on antidepressants but I still don’t feel right. Really can’t see life past this xx

DD *

I'm embarrassed to say I'd never heard of it until it happened to me. Feeling completely out of control, panicking so bad I actually thought I was having a heart attack. Also health anxiety saw a way in. It was my lovely gp who spotted it, talked very calmly to me explaining it and offered me meds while I got control of it. Congratulations on your new baby op and as others have said it will pass although it's horrific when you're living with it.

Interesting since I had it, I get panic attacks around my cycle but I recognise it for what it is and am able to make them short lived.

Thank you @Phoenix76 i really hope this period becomes a thing of the past one day.
how long did it take before yours subsided. Did the medication work? X

Hi @Jayann89
i’m doing alot better, i ended up getting setraline from the GP as I was anxious to the point i was physically sick, very tearful, constant feeling of dread and worry and i just couldn’t bear feeling like that so I decided to try the meds. I definitely felt worse before i felt better, but i had to grit my teeth as the GP said to expect this. I still have bad days but generally things are much better.
i find its worse when i’m over tired, so on those days i try have a nap when the baby does. I also tell my husband and he reassures me everything is fine. For me self care and recognising when i just want a sofa day helps, i’m not too hard on myself.
how long have you been taking your medicine for? I’m 4 months on now from when i started taking it and i do feel better. However i agree that when you’re in the thick of it you do feel like it will never get better, it will do so please hang on in there. what support do you have in terms of family etc? I also found PANDAS quite helpful, you could try talk to them, its a free service and you can text them as well as phone x

Sorry @Jayann89 forgot to say, i also ate foods which were high in serotonin such as bananas as the GP told me that the anxiety is basically a massive drop in serotonin in your brain which is caused by all the hormones being a mess after birth x