To be dreading the Christmas present merry go round

[sunshinelover69]

I love my family but fuck me they are hard work at Christmas. Everyone has to buy specific presents chosen by the recipient and you can't just go out and buy something you think they might like. And it all has to be budgeted down to the last penny. I don't mind spending money on them at all but the lack of spontaneity and surprise just ruins things for me. I just phoned my mother to ask if she had a good weekend and she started going on about a jumper she's seen that I can buy her for Christmas. I was like mum it's 1st November can we maybe talk about this in a few weeks? Oh no we can't do that as they might sell out! Aaarrghhhh!!

Does anyone else have this with their family? WIBU to fuck off to the Caribbean til February?!!

Just shove a voucher in a card.. Christmas isn't supposed to be hard work.
Once trailed round a city centre choosing a shawl /wrap thing for mil (as requested). She didn't even want to see us at Christmas!!

Hard unless everyone’s in the same page. Maybe it’s time to start talking about it? Just had this conversation with DSis at the weekend & because we’re all okay and don’t need anything, we’re going no gifts. I’m doing Christmas dinner and that’s enough. On the other hand, tried this with (no mortgage, no kids, no need to work) DBIL a few years ago and he kicked off because he wouldn’t get his rightful share of gifts from us and he’d have to buy for children (not what we suggested) Not going to mention it and leave it to DH.

Oh gosh I am completely with you on this. I really like Christmas and enjoy shopping for presents for people, and the whole process of wrapping and opening then etc, and my own family are fairly laid back and on the same page (will sometimes ask for suggestions for kids, but not adults, and we do small but (hopefully) thoughtful gifts).

But the year I went out and just chose presents for DH’s (otherwise normal & lovely!) extended family I was treated a social pariah! Apparently just picking things that you think someone might like is not the done thing at all. Gifts are to be specified by the recipient. Often DH’s middle aged siblings (in professional jobs) will ask for (large) gift vouchers for them / their kids and spouses, and I truly can’t see the point in this. There is just no joy at all in the children presenting Uncle Scrooge with an Amazon voucher!!

Ah it's not just me then!! I wouldn't mind but I pretty much know what my family like and I don't buy shit presents. Oh and it's my birthday tomorrow and I don't even think about Xmas til well after my birthday - I feel like the conversation starts earlier every year!

We went to 'Secret Santa' between my brother, his wife, my sister, her husband, me and my husband. No more than £20 for each of us to spend, only one person to think about.

My siblings worry about fairness, because we don't have children, but they have two each, and we buy for the children too, but that doesn't bother me.

I'm actually wondering if we just do away with even the Secret Santa. None of us need anything.

sorry op im the opposite because even i buy something someone will like chances are they've got one already!
they tell me, I buy, simple

You don’t have to take part. You don’t. You can stop it today.

“Hi all, we’re saving time and money this year and trying to cut down on stuff so we’re not taking part in present exchanging. Please don’t get us anything, we’re only buying for each other, and we’ll look forward to catching over Christmas”.

Our families are very reasonable but it’s all got a bit stupid with our main circle of friends so we’ve just said we’re not taking part and the day after two others said they’d like to duck out as well. No harm done, no drama.

I had this many years ago. I put a stop to the presents. I got a pain in face buying for everyone, so many siblings and so many nieces and nephews. Did a secret santa for siblings and one brother moaned about getting shit presents and wanted to go back to the old way, so now I don't buy for siblings at all. Most of us stopped buying for nieces and nephews except this brother and he can't understand why he's giving but not receiving, he'll get the hint soon enough. Dhs family which is much larger would buy for each other, I put a stop to that too, they seem happier 😂😂😂

I think I would kind of like that. I would prefer to get someone something that they want rather than something that they will put in the back of the press. We as a family have stopped a lot of the gift giving and all get together for a weekend away together instead. The same with most of my friends. To be honest we all have enough stuff as it is.

@AnneLovesGilbert

You don’t have to take part. You don’t. You can stop it today.

“Hi all, we’re saving time and money this year and trying to cut down on stuff so we’re not taking part in present exchanging. Please don’t get us anything, we’re only buying for each other, and we’ll look forward to catching over Christmas”.

Our families are very reasonable but it’s all got a bit stupid with our main circle of friends so we’ve just said we’re not taking part and the day after two others said they’d like to duck out as well. No harm done, no drama.

Yep, exactly this. I wouldn't be arsed with buying someone a specified, budgeted present. Takes all the fun out of it.

DH is the only adult that gets a present from me. We do a list for each other and have a budget. There might be 20 things on there but 3-6 would use the whole budget so there's still an element of surprise.

Our nieces and nephews get presents from us (often a family day out) but we've made it clear to our siblings that we don't want anything in return. Life is expensive enough without that obligation.

I'm with you OP. It sucks all the joy out of Christmas. It's akin to placing an order isn't it? DSiL kindly adds the Argos page and catalogue number on her family's list of required items. Sometimes they go one stage further and buy it on your behalf, hand it to you so you can wrap it up and hand it back to them on Christmas Day! DH's family - bizarre.

At least my family like surprises.

Call me a cynic, I don't mind, but present buying has to be a task from the centre of Hell for many, me being no.1 on the list.

DP and I don't buy anything for each other, we have everything we need thankfully and care for each other so no outward show of this or that present is necessary.

When our parents were alive, bless them all, we did buy for them alright, but that was because they were lovely and their generation liked that kind of thing. We insisted that they make a charitable donation in lieu of presents for us. Saved them a lot of hassle.

I don't buy for siblings. I have 5 N+Ns. Only those under 18 or at college get a cash gift, that would be 2 of them now, the rest have their own partners and kids now, so they are off the list! The grandnephews (3) get a cash gift so the parents can treat the kids to a day out later on.

I might add that all our siblings are together on this, and it was agreed amongst us all. No more panic buying, wearily trudging around shops, spending hours online shopping, dithering etc. and usually wasting a lot of money. Most forget what you went to the trouble of buying them within a very short while. Charity shops groan under the weight of unwanted presents come New Year.

But having said all that it's each to their own. Enjoy it whatever way to choose to do or not do it.

I hate when people guess what I like. Luckily we all agree on wishlists, I think it makes life so much easier and it means everyone gets a gift they like. It means that someone can choose a gift from a list with maybe 20 items on it, various value.

I am not against the odd small surprise but if someone spends money on me and I am more "nice but not what I can use or want" then it is just a waste.

Same with gifts for DD from the grandparents. Too often they added something they thought she would be into and while she is grateful for gifts she also told me she feels guilty because it wasn't too her taste. What's the point in that?

I actually did fuck off to the Caribbean for Christmas once. I bought no-one a present.

We asked to not do presents for adults anymore and MIL went absolutely mental. BIL agreed with us in person but then agreed with MIL . She said its all about the sentiment behind it, now we just exchange Amazon gift cards, it takes any fun out of it

Leave the country, I’ve done it for years. I usually pop to the supermarket just before I go & have a laugh at the queues 😎

@sunshinelover69 I left the very same arrangement years ago in my family. They still carry on though. It's easy to just opt out, whether the rest of them want to keep buying for each other what they could all just go and buy for themselves. Save yourself the hassle this year and just tell them to leave you out.

I don’t see the problem with your mother’s request tbh. It’s something she likes and will wear. You’ll tick her off your list. What’s not to like? Presumably you suk have your partner and other family members up ‘surprise’?

It does sound like it sucks all the pleasure out of choosing things for people. We don't go mad and some ideas are helpful but small well chosen or home made gifts are lovely.

It got so silly in our family I just buy for parents and 1 niece and 1 nephew now. I’d try and cut down as best you can.

Or you could do the opposite to a secret santa. Set your budget, and buy your own present.
Works for me.

We do Secret Santa for the adults. So much easier and less wasteful.

Im with @AnneLovesGilbert on this:

“Hi all, we’re saving time and money this year and trying to cut down on stuff so we’re not taking part in present exchanging. Please don’t get us anything, we’re only buying for each other, and we’ll look forward to catching over Christmas”.

Care packages for the homeless, food bank donations, Doctors without Borders, Water Aid, the donkey sanctuary, Hearts for Paws........ so many more worthwhile cases than relatives who already have everything and more...

Oh for God's sake how absurd. Xmas has become an unwanted chore not a happy occasion.
For me I was happiest as a child when we were dirt poor and i only got a book and an orange (and a hole in the ground...I know).
Xmas now is nothing to look forward tyo and consumerist shit, I've refused to participate for years and now do nothing at xmas and my family know better than to ask.