to say that my daughter is a fussy eater?

[Flamingoose]

Dd is 16.

She is a vegetarian, which I don't count as being a fussy eater, but it does remove a lot of things from her diet (also, full disclosure, she's veggie because she hates the taste and texture of meat and fish. She happily eats gummy sweets and jelly).
Things she dramatically hates: mushrooms, all nuts, all seeds, chickpeas, spinach, cabbage, all leafy veg, asparagus, coconut, olives, couscous.
Things she can't eat because of her braces: apples, cucumber, sweetcorn.
Things she turns her nose up at but will reluctantly have a bit if she has to: all potatoes, brown bread, brown rice, quinoa, pumpkin, polenta, eggplant, broccoli, cauliflower, courgette.

We have various allergies and medical diets going on in our family, so cooking is a nightmare and a half anyway. I cheerfully accommodate all of her preferences and make sure that there's something she likes in every meal.

HOWEVER (and this is the AIBU)... a few days ago I was working out what we'd eat and she was a bit glum because it was Thai pumpkin curry (doesn't like pumpkin, doesn't like the coconut milk in it, doesn't like brown rice) and I said that she was quite fussy and she is FURIOUS with me for saying it. She claims that she's not fussy, she "just doesn't like eating some things". Isn't that what fussy is? I don't mind her being fussy - she can't help not liking things. But, surely, she is objectively a fussy eater?

I was so fussy at that age and went vegetarian at ages 11. It turns out I just didn’t like the food my parents cooked (my mum is an awful cook, in fact she no longer bothers and my dad’s taste in food is just very different to mine). Once I moved out and started cooking for myself I became much more adventurous and am not a fussy adult in slightest.

Definitely a fussy eater!

I've been vegetarian all my life ( now trying to be more vegan) but would always eat a meal if it was vegetarian.

DS became veggie at about 10, all fine but when DD chose to be vegetarian at 15, she wasn't keen on mushrooms, aubergine, courgettes or peppers!

I've always been clear that if you choose to be veggie you can't be picky as well. If there is a vegetarian meal on the menu, that is what you will have. So she had the veggie meal and picked bits out.

(This has come back to bite me now as often the only veggie choice is fake meat - yuk).

At 16 she should have some rudimentary cooking skills by now. Teach her to cook then make her responsible for one or two meals a week. She can come with you on shopping trips to get the ingredients required. Being this fussy is a symptom of not having any idea of the work involved in planning and cooking a meal. She could be on her own in two or three years, she needs to know this stuff very soon (along with other household tasks like doing laundry, paying bills, cleaning, etc) so you should develop a plan to tackle this now.

I think she sounds fussy.

I have a gluten intolerance, I’m not a fan of salmon but apart from that I’ll eat most things. I accept I’m fussy to cater for because of the gluten free nature, but apart from that I’ll eat most things.

I have family members who are fussy but get highly offended if you say that to them and they’re in their 40s!

Thai pumpkin curry sounds delicious.

She is fussy, and that's something she should just accept about herself. You should accept it, too. There's no need to turn it into a battle at this age.

She should make her own meals at 16. Not every night, but two or three times a week, she should prepare herself a healthy meal that she likes. If there is extra, she can freeze it. Even if she were not fussy, this is a great thing to do as it is teaching her an essential life skill.

@Greyrootszerohoots

I was so fussy at that age and went vegetarian at ages 11. It turns out I just didn’t like the food my parents cooked (my mum is an awful cook, in fact she no longer bothers and my dad’s taste in food is just very different to mine). Once I moved out and started cooking for myself I became much more adventurous and am not a fussy adult in slightest.

This is what I wonder my dd will be like. She gets upset at being called fussy - but I have said to her that there’s a world of food out there and maybe she just hasn’t found the right thing yet.