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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend getting drunk every weekend

19 replies

stuckinthemiddlee · 31/10/2021 21:07

Going to keep it brief but I've had enough and just looking to rant really. Friend going through a messy separation with ex (not married) she's always been a drinker but was a lot calmer whilst she was with him.

This past year she is out most weekends, she has lost things, broke her arm, started fights etc. You get the drift!

Me and OH have kind off been put in this situation where we are doing there pick ups and drop offs as she can't seem to be civil with ex. She got so drunk last night and lost her phone keys and bank card. I wasn't aware or this until I went to drop her DC's back this evening and no one was there.

I took the kids back to their dads in the end, I am so sick of everything I'm tired of running the kids about all the time. She is late dropping them off at our house most of the time. I've not had any problems with her EX he communicates well and is always on time for pick ups/drop offs.

AIBU to bed fed up? We have three DC's ourselves and both work full time and it feels like we have an extra pressure now to be around or be at home for a certain time. She doesn't seem to give a shit!

OP posts:

MiloAndEddie · 31/10/2021 21:08

Jesus that sounds a lot of work for you!

I’d be honest with her and just say it’s too much, especially because she’s always late

RandomMess · 31/10/2021 21:11

Have you told her ex that she is in a bad place and not prioritising the DC, perhaps he needs to step up and have them far more.

FetchezLaVache · 31/10/2021 21:11

Yes, what @MiloAndEddie said. She shouldn't need it spelling out why the arrangement is no longer working for you, really.

Animood · 31/10/2021 21:12

Be honest with her. Say you need a weekend off.

MadameMinimes · 31/10/2021 21:13

I was ready to say “none of your business”, but actually I think you’re right to be pissed off. I think you have to be firm and tell her that you can’t keep being the intermediary if she’s constantly late and unreliable. I don’t necessarily have a problem with people being drunk on a weekly basis (although it wouldn’t be for me) but you can’t do that when you have other responsibilities that you aren’t fulfilling. Expecting you to step in in the way you are to facilitate her social life is taking the piss.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 31/10/2021 21:16

She’s crossed the line into irresponsible parenting and it sounds pretty unacceptable. The pick ups and drop offs you’re doing are now probably just enabling her and you need to have a word. Sad for the children

thepeopleversuswork · 31/10/2021 21:17

If she’s a really good friend you need to read her the riot act and tell her she needs to get her shit together. It’s sort of understandable that people go a bit off the rails after a split but most people have the common sense to know when they have pushed it too far.

If not I think you need to firmly but dispassionately say you can’t be relied upon to do this sort of thing any more. You have enough on your plate and she is taking liberties.

If she’s a true friend and a half decent mum she will probably be mortified to know she has inconvenienced friends like this. If not you need to make clear it’s not your problem.

ASeriesOfTubes · 31/10/2021 21:19

@Animood

Be honest with her. Say you need a weekend off.

No, don't say this, say you've had enough and it's time she got her shit together.

TrickOrTreat21x · 31/10/2021 21:22

Tell her your not doing it anymore and don't bother with her again.
She's not your friend. She's a cheeky fucker!

Hawkins001 · 31/10/2021 21:30

All the best op

Overloadedunappreciated · 31/10/2021 21:32

I think you sound like a great friend. However by being the intermediary, it won't help them come to a civil workable relationship and you shouldn't have to run round ferrying their kids about when you have your own family to spend time with.

I would say to her and the ex that you were happy to do it as a short term measure but it's no longer working and they need to come to an alternative arrangement. They'll have to do this in the end anyway so why not now x

isthismylifenow · 31/10/2021 21:37

Could I ask why you are having to fetch and carry her DC for her? Is she out every weekend as you are watching her DC?

If so, she is taking advantage of you OP.

AmandaHoldensLips · 31/10/2021 21:46

Tell her to make her own arrangements and leave you out of it from now on.

Original poster

stuckinthemiddlee · 31/10/2021 21:51

I definitely need too, I feel like our relationship has changed a lot recently and we are just drifting to be honest I am sure she feels this too.

I can appreciate going off the rails after a break up but she's always been this kind of drunk. But it's even worse now because she has the kids on her own so she can't be hanging all day like she use too.

@isthismylifenow she's refusing to see EX, they was fine doing changeovers before, but ever since he said he wants to sell the house she's told him she doesn't want him to step foot near her or his house. The whole dynamic has changed since then so I don't know really.

OP posts:

Original poster

stuckinthemiddlee · 31/10/2021 21:55

So she has been dropping the kids at mine then I have been dropping them at their dads. Then he will drop them back off at mine then I will bring them to hers.

OP posts:

CommanderBurnham · 31/10/2021 23:00

Sounds like she needs a wake up call. She's obviously not dealing with the break up well. Was she ok before? If so a firm word might get through to her. Sounds like she needs compassion and tough love in equal measure.

Time to be a true friend. Dump her if you want when she's on an even keel but at least try and help her if you're in a position to do so.

Lightswitch123 · 31/10/2021 23:15

@Overloadedunappreciated

This.

Well done for doing it in the first place OP

You're a great friend

CommanderBurnham · 31/10/2021 23:21

Yes definitely stop acting as an intermediary. Tell her you're happy to help but can't be a holding bay for her children. Her and her ex need to figure out how communicate effectively.

isthismylifenow · 01/11/2021 12:48

I still think she is taking advantage of you massively. She needs to sort things out with her ex, why involve everyone else in the situation? . Yes divorce is shit, so many of us have been there, but how many other divorcees do you hear of that ask other people to fetch, carry and then drop off her own kids. When their own father is dropping them off somewhere anyway.

Nah, this definitely needs nipping in the bud. Would she do the same for you?

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