He called me needy!!!

[RainbowBriteUk]

My best friend and I text every day, usually 5 or 6 times a day. We text about everything including our poor health and do have our fair share of moans.

The other day he came out and said I was 'needy'. I've been really upset by this. I'm an independent person. I try really hard to make things the best I can when i'm ill which is most days with a chronic condition but I was really taken aback by this. I don't quite know what he meant seeing as he has a moan and is negative far more than me. It's tainted the friendship for me to say such an unkind thing.

The thing is he is always moany. Soon as I am, I'm needy. I can see now that the friendship is quite one-sided. Time to go low contact, I think.

Good for you OP.

Looking back over your texting history will give you extra insight.

@Fraine

He’s trying to train you into being a sounding board for him whilst not daring to talk about what’s going on with you.

Don’t fall for it. Reduce the texts by all means but also reduce your input into his texts and your responsiveness.

Yep, it's pretty obvious.

If anyone called me "needy" I'd give them a very wide berth. I just wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thought I was needy. Either they objectively and honestly think that or they are being an arsehole. Neither is conducive to a good, independent and happy friendship.

For adults who are not in an intimate relationship to text that much does sound a bit much to me and particularly when its all negative and self-pitying. Not that it isn't deserved but it does become quite draining. It's horses for courses obviously but he clearly finds it a bit much as well so I'd listen to what he says.

He's not your boyfriend but you're spending a lot of time communicating with him. I'd definitely diall it back a bit.

If a friend texted you, you wouldn't feel you had to respond that day. (unless, you know, you were arranging something).

But if this male friend and you and slipped in to a communication exchange where you both respond to each other within hours and both feel that you couldn't leave it til the next day then I would agree that the friendship is a little close.

Boundaries between friendship and relationship are being ignored.

That's quite a lot of texts. I hate texting for this reason. What is meant as a text message, can easily end up being a text conversation with some people. You text, they text back, so you reply, and back and forth it goes.
Things can easily be mis-read or misconstrued too.

I'd just cut back on texting and hope he moves on to another victim friend

You probably need to look into proper support if you have a chronic condition. Most people tire (understandably) of the subject and simply don’t have the headspace or energy for six messages a day. It is too much and too draining even if he truly cares for you, I am sure he does. But the expectations are proving too much.
I have a chronic condition and used to call a charity helpline for a good cry, at least once a week before I found a brilliant counsellor I could talk to. I rarely talk about my issues, I want to try and lead a positive life and not one defined by illness, and keep my friendships for good times mostly (not all but a balance) but I recognise the need for support and someone to listen op

I'd bin him off, he doesn't appreciate your time

Thank you for your replies. He's been horrible the past week. He's also called me sensitive because I called him out on calling me needy. I've realised that it's all about him. Time to sour the friendship out I think.

Well done OP for realising this.

Mind yourself.

Post again any time.👍

@billy1966 Thanks! There's no need for him to attack me personally is there?

Of course not.

He is behaving the way he is because you have refused to accept his awful behaviour.

You know his behaviour is not right.

Stay strong.
Step away from him.

You sound lovely OP.
Mind yourself.

Give him a bit of space.

I gave him space and only text back when he text me and he's ghosted me!!! He's such a weirdo. It really was him texting me first every morning and through the day before he called me needy!

That's horrible for you. Seems like he was just using you. He's clearly the needy one & didn't really want to hear about your problems. Cheeky get calling you needy! You're better off stepping back or getting rid altogether.

Well done OP for stepping back.

Leave him to his drama, you don't need it or him.!

"Needy" can sometimes be "I'm texting you because I want sympathy for MY stuff, I didn't want you asking for any sympathy for YOURS".