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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is this about please?!

19 replies

Besswess88 · 31/10/2021 12:46

When you tell someone how you feel about something calmly and politely, and they disagree with you and then tell you that you are “over reacting” what is that shit all about?

No I am not “over reacting” I am reacting and I am telling you how something makes me feel. I am not expecting you to act upon it because you don’t take into account how I feel because whenever I do and you disagree with me you say I am “over reacting”.

ARGH!!!

OP posts:
NormanStangerson · 31/10/2021 12:47

I think we might need a few specifics but it sounds like the typical situation whereby women who react to anything are called ‘hysterical’ to keep them in their box. 🙄

HugeAckmansWife · 31/10/2021 12:48

Really need some examples to judge this one on op.

WomanStanleyWoman · 31/10/2021 12:51

It’s a way of pushing the blame onto you. If you’re unhappy with their behaviour, it couldn’t possibly be their fault - it’s your fault for overreacting.

Original poster
Besswess88 · 31/10/2021 12:51

Family members posted a photo on FB that is really unflattering.

I privately pm’d them and said please can we stop posting that photo as I really do not like it. Everyone else looks lovely.

Got told “it’s fine” and that I am over reacting - surely I am just reacting? Over reacting would be insisting they remove it surely (yes I know this is trivial but it’s a common theme!).

OP posts:
Aqua55 · 31/10/2021 12:54

If you're not the only person in that photo, then you're probably over reacting tbh

Original poster
Besswess88 · 31/10/2021 12:55

What is the difference then between reacting and over reacting 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 31/10/2021 12:57

@Besswess88

Family members posted a photo on FB that is really unflattering.

I privately pm’d them and said please can we stop posting that photo as I really do not like it. Everyone else looks lovely.

Got told “it’s fine” and that I am over reacting - surely I am just reacting? Over reacting would be insisting they remove it surely (yes I know this is trivial but it’s a common theme!).

It could be in their view, it looks a good photo or similar to the others, yet from your perspectives, you think it's a bad photo, and at a guess they think your making more of a deal out of it by asking for the photo to be deleted. And I'm guessing because they don't see the photo in the same way as you see it, they think your over reacting about it.
Hawkins001 · 31/10/2021 13:00

@Besswess88

What is the difference then between reacting and over reacting 🤷‍♀️
Usually I'd say if they agree and you agree then it's just fixing the issue as it's arisen, over reacting in some peoples view is like, if it's raining one person says it's just a bit of rain, and if the other person agrees that's reacting, if however one person says it's raining but then the other person says omg I cannot believe how much rain their is, the other person could then say your overreacting etc
Original poster
Besswess88 · 31/10/2021 13:00

I have my eyes half closed, red eye and a double chin as it’s from beneath.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 31/10/2021 13:03

It kind of depends how you said it but I agree with you.

If someone posted a picture of me (whether there were other people in the photo or not) and I didn’t want it on a public SM platform then they should respect you enough to take it down.

All my family know I do not want photos of me on FB and of I found out there was one then I’d ask them to take it down too.

Nellesbelles · 31/10/2021 13:08

They are probably just seeing it from their POV, they like the picture so don't want to take it down. It is likely they don't think you look as bad as you think you do so they don't see the problem, hence why they are saying you are overreacting

SoniaFouler · 31/10/2021 13:10

@Besswess88

What is the difference then between reacting and over reacting 🤷‍♀️
“ARGH!!!”
OhMyfanwy · 31/10/2021 13:10

I think you should ask people before you put any photo of other people on SM
If not you risk them asking you to remove it
It's not up to them to decide if it's OK or fine
I'd be cross

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 31/10/2021 13:20

I think YABU to care so much about a photo of you on SM. If your life is one where SM figures, and people do post photos of other people, you’re opening yourself up to unflattering photos of yourself online. In that context, I think you’re overreacting AND seeking “positive publicity only please!”. Also, you’re clearly too concerned about optics to be able to handle SM healthily. Lay with dogs, you get fleas 🤷‍♀️

So it’s not a question if we’re you overreacting or not. It’s a question if can you handle SM or not. Sounds like you can’t.

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 31/10/2021 13:22

It's not up to them to decide if it's OK or fine

It literally is Confused. It’s their page, their account, their everything. Do you think journalists or novelists seek permission of everyone they write about?

OhMyfanwy · 31/10/2021 13:25

No it's not @BeenThruMoreThanALilBit, they are friends and that should be respected
Put what they want about themselves but not of other people

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 31/10/2021 13:28

They don’t sound like respectful friends if they brush off OP with a “it’s fine” and an accusation of overreacting. Cuts both way.

Original poster
Besswess88 · 31/10/2021 15:43

It doesn’t make me suddenly think “oh yes it’s fine” because they have told me it’s fine.

OP posts:
OhMyfanwy · 31/10/2021 19:09

Exactly @Besswess88, have they taken it down now?

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