Jealous of DH's ex wife relationship with In-Laws

[pumpkincherry]

I know that IABU as I chose to marry a divorced man with kids which was a choice that I made.

I don't want to have children, DH has two kids with his ex wife, I feel that because I am his second wife and I don't have DC with him that I will never have the same relationship with my In Laws that his ex wife has as the mother of their grandkids. For example every year DH's ex wife will always visit my in laws with the kids (not on Christmas Day itself though) and my In Laws would be upset if that visit did not happen. My In Laws take the view that I don't have to go on Christmas Day with my DH if DH is going and we can spend it apart as we don't have kids together. If me and DH ever divorced I can see my parents In Law never feeling the need to speak to me again, which I understand and get but for some reason it makes me feel sad.

I know I am being unleasable but just thought I'd get my feelings out anonymously online instead of saying it in real life which I never would do.

I don't think your feelings are unreasonable but there is a reality there when it comes to grandchildren.

I think it's helpful to get context by looking around you.

Very few people have warm and perfect in-law relations.

I am a "first hopefully only! wife"
I had high hopes that via my DH i would acquire extended family with whom i could share a cosy familial relationship with.

My DH has got this via my family me, not so much.

His mother is difficult (HPD or maybe BPD ive posted about her before) his adult sibling makes little/to no effort and like the mother everything is about them and their drama.
It is what i hoped for - no.
Is it what I've got - you bet.

I dropped the rope and stopped having any expectations about 3 years in since then its gotten easier.

To quote forest "life is like a box of chocolates"