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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To invite the other sister?

10 replies

TheBig0Birthday · 31/10/2021 10:32

My mum has a big birthday next year (ends in 0) and I’m organising a little party for her.

She has two sisters. Mums the oldest and there’s a year or just over between each sister.

The youngest and my mum get on really well, talk on the phone most days, text between calls, meet up when not working etc.

The middle sister neither of the other two have much to do with. They talk if they see her and have her mobile number in case something happens to their elderly father but that’s about as far as it goes. Mum and youngest aunt very rarely mention middle Aunt and if they do they say she’s rude and they don’t like her much. It’s always been the way, we saw loads of youngest Aunt and our cousins growing up but I hardly knew middle Aunt and my cousins from her part of the family.

Of course I will be inviting youngest Aunt to the party, my mum would be upset if she wasn’t there and because of that invited her husband and his two children (youngest Aunt has two boys – my cousins but they both live abroad – one comes back to the UK for Christmas only the other never does so I’ll invite them via my aunt but they’re unlikely to come).

My internal debate is do I invite the middle sister? I feel like I should because if she finds out that her dad, sister, BIL and his DC went to party for her other sister she might be hurt, but at the same time I feel if I invite her and she comes and my mum doesn’t really want her there then it spoils it for her.

It’s a surprise party so can’t ask my mum, could discuss with youngest Aunt though when I invite her.

So WWYD?

Vote:
YANBU – Invite Middle Aunt/Sister
YABU – Don’t Invite her

OP posts:
HazelandChacha · 31/10/2021 10:38

It would be very hurtful not to invite her when the rest of her immediate family are going.
I wouldn’t even discuss with youngest sister tbh because if she says don’t invite her what are you going to do?

OhMyfanwy · 31/10/2021 10:40

Of course you invite her. It would be a real snub not to

TheMooch · 31/10/2021 10:41

I would invite. She can no if she likes.

MRex · 31/10/2021 10:41

Absolutely do not invite someone your mum does not see and does not like, she has a reason. If you have any uncertainty, ask your mum's other sister what your mum would prefer.

Chocolatewheatos · 31/10/2021 10:42

Definitely invite her. Families vary in closeness but they're still family. It'd be different if there had been a big fall out or something.

TheBig0Birthday · 31/10/2021 10:44

@Chocolatewheatos

Definitely invite her. Families vary in closeness but they're still family. It'd be different if there had been a big fall out or something.
No big fall out that I'm aware of, my GF would likely have told me if there had been.
OP posts:
WisestIsShe · 31/10/2021 10:44

@MRex

Absolutely do not invite someone your mum does not see and does not like, she has a reason. If you have any uncertainty, ask your mum's other sister what your mum would prefer.
I agree with this. Be led by the relationship your mum has chosen to have with the person over many years.
MadamMoth · 31/10/2021 21:05

My dm has a similar situation with one of her sisters. She'd kill me if I invited that sister to a party!

MozzarellaMonster · 31/10/2021 21:49

I would definitely talk to your youngest Aunt, if they barely talk and don't get on it could ruin your mums birthday to have her there.
I have a sister I don't get on with and it would ruin a birthday party for me if she were in attendance, I keep the peace for my dads sake but too much has passed for me to be comfortable around her and a birthday party for you mum is just that, a celebration for her no one else.

TwinklyBranch · 31/10/2021 21:53

Why would you even consider inviting someone your mum doesn't like to her birthday party? Even it is family, that's not fair on your mum and could well ruin her day.

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