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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be freaked out by my child’s dream

19 replies

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivf · 30/10/2021 23:53

Dd (4) woke up in a state a few nights ago. Wouldn’t tell me what was wrong and took ages to settle.
Next morning over breakfast the following conversation happened :
Dd: mummy, do you know why I was crying last night?
Me: no darling.
Dd: I was really sad.
Me: oh no, why?
Dd: because you got taken out in a bag.
Me: oh. What sort of bag? Why?
Dd: because when you went to do a poo there was lots of blood everywhere.
Me: oh that’s a funny dream isn’t it! Do you want a banana? (Freaking out inside!!)

For background info, she hasn’t been watching anything inappropriate on telly or online and we don’t watch the news.

She hasn’t seen me dealing with a period for months (the good bit of what I guess is peri)…

And just to back up the freakishness of it all, immediately following this, I then had 2 days of anal bleeding from the piles she gifted me during her birth.

Anyone else had similarly freaky occurrences!?!

(Name changed as I had to get this off my chest and shared with a few people IRL).

OP posts:
RacketeerRalph · 31/10/2021 00:01

I don't want to freak you out, but have you had the bleeding checked out? Yes it's really likely to be piles but it could be something else.

SmellyOldOwls · 31/10/2021 00:02

Argh OP Shock sorry I can't comfort you with a similar tale but hopefully lots of people will soon!

Etsylicious · 31/10/2021 00:37

My little one says some funky stuff wrt dreams too.

But yes, just for reassurance get your bleeding checked out x

Naz2009 · 31/10/2021 00:50

My 5 year old often talks and gets extremely upset over my death.
She has said things like "I will cuddle your pillow every night when you die and pretend it's you..... when will you die, can we die together? so I can hold your hand and be buried together....I don't want you to die ever"
Only yesterday she said to me "mummy you will die in April when it's my birthday" she says this calmly whilst playing tea party with me.
She does scare me!
Again like your DC she hasn't watched anything or experienced family death.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/10/2021 00:55

Did he not possibly see your period and freak out?

Lovealovestory · 31/10/2021 01:12

At least your kids concerned. Mine says "when your dead can I have your iPad/Fitbit/jewelry?" Etc.
Sometimes even asks why I'm not dead yet.
She's 5.
We have had 2 close family deaths and 3 pet deaths in her short life though (all old age)

baroqueandblue · 31/10/2021 01:18

From my point of view, bottom line of the dream is separation anxiety. So if your routine together has changed significantly in some way in recent weeks, that would explain a lot. Or some kind of change in the status quo at home that her 4 yr old mind is trying to make sense of, focused on her attachment to you? But also (and this may be part of how she's trying to integrate some change) she's not that distant from her potty training experiences and the psychological aspect of poo, which can cover things like control, withholding, pleasing, and the approval of parents. Poo can be used literally and psychologically to make protests (is she subtly protesting some change in your routine/relationship?) and blood can be symbolic of bonding, relatedness, family ties. Encouragingly, she's opening up to you in her own way about something her unconscious is processing /trying to understand. Keep listening and if she describes other dreams or returns to discussing this one, perhaps 'wonder what that might be about' for her, ie. "oh that's interesting DD, I wonder what you think about that?" and "how do you feel about happening in your dream?" If any feeling is obvious, name it for her, eg. "that sounds really ___ DD, is that how you feel/felt about it?" Most importantly, let her know that you can hear about disturbing dreams and wonder about them with her until she's ready to change the subject. Not easy with a dream like that because it's a scary depiction for you! 😄 But try to put that aside and let her know that whatever the content, you can handle it with her.

Just some suggestions, good luck OP, she clearly trusts you 🤗

Saoirse82 · 31/10/2021 01:34

I know its just a dream but it would freak me out too, it's the mentioning of the bag that would unnerve me for some reason.

baroqueandblue · 31/10/2021 01:51

That's a good point @Saoirse82

Just because children trust us, that doesn't mean they don't get cross with us at times. I look at their dreams as if they're pictures or paintings or little films they've made to express some feeling and/or problem. What sort of bag was it? What else do we "take out" in bags? If she's angry at you for something that she can't express, maybe her dream is putting you out with the rubbish! It might've been a school bag, shopping bag, gym bag, and the type of bag give some clue as to how she sees you (for some reason) at present. I'd take the view that her unconscious created the dream in an attempt to deal with or process some difficulty, yet she can be shocked at the strength or power of her own feelings, hence the crying.

MissCruellaDeVil · 31/10/2021 01:52

That's really creepy OP, especially with you being taken out in a bag, a body bag?!

Pheasantlysurprised · 31/10/2021 01:30

@baroqueandblue

From my point of view, bottom line of the dream is separation anxiety. So if your routine together has changed significantly in some way in recent weeks, that would explain a lot. Or some kind of change in the status quo at home that her 4 yr old mind is trying to make sense of, focused on her attachment to you? But also (and this may be part of how she's trying to integrate some change) she's not that distant from her potty training experiences and the psychological aspect of poo, which can cover things like control, withholding, pleasing, and the approval of parents. Poo can be used literally and psychologically to make protests (is she subtly protesting some change in your routine/relationship?) and blood can be symbolic of bonding, relatedness, family ties. Encouragingly, she's opening up to you in her own way about something her unconscious is processing /trying to understand. Keep listening and if she describes other dreams or returns to discussing this one, perhaps 'wonder what that might be about' for her, ie. "oh that's interesting DD, I wonder what you think about that?" and "how do you feel about __ happening in your dream?" If any feeling is obvious, name it for her, eg. "that sounds really ___ DD, is that how you feel/felt about it?" Most importantly, let her know that you can hear about disturbing dreams and wonder about them with her until she's ready to change the subject. Not easy with a dream like that because it's a scary depiction for you! 😄 But try to put that aside and let her know that whatever the content, you can handle it with her.

Just some suggestions, good luck OP, she clearly trusts you 🤗

Thank you for an actual thoughtful and sane post.

So tired of the incessant, obsessive disease-frothing on here.
If someone dies of a disease at home they are unlikely to be removed from the house in a bag.

WaterAndRichTea · 31/10/2021 01:40

If someone dies of a disease at home they are unlikely to be removed from the house in a bag……….

@Pheasantlysurprised So how do you think you are removed?

ghostmouse · 31/10/2021 08:03

If someone dies of a disease at home they are unlikely to be removed from the house in a bag……….

Erm they do.

My fil died at home and he was absolutely taken out in a bag

Mummyratbag · 31/10/2021 08:40

That would totally freak me out! That said would a child describe a body bag as a "bag"? To a child a bag is something you carry (handbag/shopping bag/rubbish bag) not something you zip a body up in.

I remember my youngest being a bit freaky at times (accurately telling me things he "couldn't" but obviously did know) then telling me about scary stuff, which made me anxious, then I remembered small children often have verbal diarrhoea!

Go to the doctor and get checked out.

Original poster
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivf · 31/10/2021 09:50

@baroqueandblue
She has just done her first half term at school and has coped with changes around that- new wraparound carer, tracer, friends. Although she has copied remarkably well with this she’s clearly still processing the change I guess!
We do talk things through and I am (age appropriately) very open with her.
Her latest “not nice” dream- being chased by a scarecrow when she tried to get sweet corn from a field!?! (Told to me through giggles and acting out!)
I will gently ask more if she brings the dream of doom up again!

OP posts:
EatYourVegetables · 31/10/2021 09:53

Has she seen you in the bathroom / seen the bin with sanitary products/ seen toilet paper as you wiped? That would explain?

Original poster
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivf · 31/10/2021 09:53

@baroqueandblue
I forgot to mention, she toilet trained over 2 years ago and has never ever had a poo accident or issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivf · 31/10/2021 09:56

@EatYourVegetables
No, not for a long time- as I explained in my post, I am peri my periods are few and far between. Not had one in months. She has seen it in the past and I have explained to her what it is. But like I say, the last time was months ago!

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 31/10/2021 10:06

I wouldn’t think a young child would describe a body bag as a bag tbh. They would think of more traditional types of bags and I would expect them to say, you were taken in something, you had something over you etc.

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