To be fed up with Christmas family politics

[Arieliwish]

I’ve stopped asking family what they are doing as it always feels disappointing. And have started just planning that it will be us four and my DM (as she lives alone and I’m an only child so it is expected).
Two DSIL’s who I love but it seems they can’t come over for Christmas dinner (have to have it at home with their respective partners).
We have invited DPIL a few times and it’s lovely having them over but that means both DSIL’s descending at some point but strictly only for a couple of hours to see DPIL and exchange presents. Then my children are upset that their aunts and cousins aren’t staying for the whole day.
I’d love to have a big get together but it seems it will never happen.

my children are upset that their aunts and cousins aren’t staying for the whole day.

projecting, much?

Of course your sil's prioritise being with their own partners for Christmas day. Mad you would think they should come to you all day instead. And as much as they are part of your family by marriage, they are also part of their partners' families.

@FinallyHere Nope. They tell me so

We all meet for a meal and exchange gifts etc a few days before. It’s lovely and the tradition my children most look forward to. We all like a quiet CD with immediate family so this works very well for us. Could you do that?

Manage your childrens expectations then? They simply can’t have everything they want. It’s an important life lesson?

DSILs partners are of course invited too.

We try and organise family get togethers throughout the year which everyone enjoys. I just find it weird that we can’t have it once in a while on Christmas Day.

@Niki14 Yes I sympathise entirely. It’s these conversations that I hate and are starting and I can feel the frustration from DH already.

Be thankful that you still have family there.
Covid and illness has left empty spaces round my table this year. It hurts .

@Cryalot2 I’m really sorry for your loss. You are quite right. The bigger picture and to be thankful for what we have is more important. I’m so sorry.

Dh's family loves a big Christmas, but I hate it (and so do my dc).

It means:

1. All conversation is dominated by loudmouth.
2. Table is squashed, and things tend to be knocked over due to not enough elbow room. Someone always takes more than their fair share of pigs in blankets and causes a near riot.
3. Someone always (and not always a child) gets put out at who they wanted/don't want to sit next to at lunch
4. Loudmouth spends present opening deriding everyone else's presents to him and saying how wonderful he is at buying them himself (he's not)
5. "Fun" games are introduced. They're not fun. They're either just silly or boring. Anyone who wants to opt out is moaned at for not being fun.
6. Loudmouth spends the next half an hour telling everyone how wonderful he is because he won/how unfair the game is because he lost.
7. Someone suggests we go out for a long walk to wear off lunch. It's really to avoid the washing up.
8. No one else really wants to go so lots of moaning, and eventually a small group go.
9. Small group haven't returned when people want to put out snack tea, and there is an argument about whether we wait or not.

10. If we wait then the home people are getting cross (especially children) and hungry, if we don't wait the walkers sulk when they get back. 11. Me and dh do most of the tidying up. 12. One of the cousins breaks another's toy/bites another. Loudmouth (it'll be his kid, and no he's not the youngest, or small) proclaims that it's the other child's fault because they breathed wrong or something similar.

So on the years we go, we now have our own Christmas day where we do everything (including stockings) just us. The children like it and we can choose the day.

We try and organise family get togethers throughout the year which everyone enjoys. I just find it weird that we can’t have it once in a while on Christmas Day.

But most families don't have mass family parties involving 5 different households on Christmas day. That is unrealistic. For many people, that would be completely overwhelming. We try and get together once or twice a year with all dh's parents, their dc and dgc, and it is nice, because it is a buffet. There isn't too much formality about what time people arrive or leave, or where anyone sits, or if anyone doesn't like eating a particular thing etc. The concept of getting our 4 families somehow together for a roast would just be too much - even putting aside the fact that of course all the individual families also have their own in laws they might want to see too.

Idk Christmas is stressful. We practically do a U.K. tour. 3 days with DP parents down south, 2 days with my mother and family up North, 2 days with my father and family further North.

Last year we had Christmas at home due to Covid and could have wept it was so chill. An actual break from work instead of an exhausting parade.

People get to decide how they want to enjoy their Xmas.

Do your SIL have their partners family over at Christmas?

Are you saying the shouldn't do that, because they should be at your house with you?

You are ignoring that all your family are also part of other extended families, who might also be applying pressure for a big family Christmas!

@FATEdestiny

Do your SIL have their partners family over at Christmas?

Are you saying the shouldn't do that, because they should be at your house with you?

You sound really selfish and entitled. Why should everyone drop their own wishes and all do what you want on Christmas Day?

Your idea of heaven is a day when everyone in your extended family is at your house all day. If other people don't want to do that, they are wrong are they?