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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird

44 replies

Privateandconfidentialplease · 30/10/2021 17:54

My mum reads out all her text messages with her new boyfriend. They then work out together what to write back. Is this normal? Obviously there is history but it is too long and outing for here. I dont read out my messages to my hubby and he doesnt read his out to me. We may comment that so and so text me something but we dont read them out and concoct the response together. Even personal ones.
Yabu- I read all my texts out to my other half and they help me reply.
Yanbu- I might discuss some text contents but that's it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/10/2021 19:17

I would be very, very worried about your mother if I were you.

Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 30/10/2021 19:22

@girlmom21

Does he read his texts out to her too?
My sibling still lives at home and says my mum reads her messages to him but he doesnt read his to her.
OP posts:
Fraine · 30/10/2021 19:23

I was tempted to vote YABU as I would love it if someone replied to all my messages and made all my phone calls 🤣

Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 30/10/2021 19:23

@Aquamarine1029

I would be very, very worried about your mother if I were you.
I am worried but there is nothing i can do. I have warned her a few times. She is in her late 60's and can do what she wants.
OP posts:
NumberZ · 30/10/2021 19:24

So have you asked her why she does it?

Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 30/10/2021 19:41

Yes. She thinks it is normal behaviour. But according to the poll on here it is not. I know it is not normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 30/10/2021 19:41

@Fraine

I was tempted to vote YABU as I would love it if someone replied to all my messages and made all my phone calls 🤣
😂😂
OP posts:
NumberZ · 30/10/2021 20:30

Only normal for the women but not the man by the sounds of it Confused

CeeceeBloomingdale · 30/10/2021 20:35

I wouldn’t consider it normal but could well imagine my mum and dad doing the same as they aren’t great with technology so would help each other. They wouldn’t have anything to read that the other couldn’t see though. It depends if it’s done in a controlling way or just two Luddites helping each other out.

cuttlefishgame · 30/10/2021 23:13

She is in her late 60's and can do what she wants

Well no she really can't though, can she?

girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 01:39

My sibling still lives at home and says my mum reads her messages to him but he doesnt read his to her.

This would concern me. It clearly concerns you too if you've discussed it with your sibling, and for them to notice it must bother them as well. Keep a very close eye on this one!

Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 31/10/2021 08:13

@cuttlefishgame

She is in her late 60's and can do what she wants

Well no she really can't though, can she?

Of course she can do what she wants in her relationships. I have spoken to her. She is perfectly able to make decisions. She fully understands my view. She just thinks their relationship is normal. There is so much more that i cant elaborate on here but there is nothing i can do.
OP posts:
Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 31/10/2021 08:17

@girlmom21

My sibling still lives at home and says my mum reads her messages to him but he doesnt read his to her.

This would concern me. It clearly concerns you too if you've discussed it with your sibling, and for them to notice it must bother them as well. Keep a very close eye on this one!

It does concern us but there is nothing we can do. My mum simply doesn't see any issues with the relationship. Despite many red flags.
OP posts:
cuttlefishgame · 31/10/2021 11:50

My mum simply doesn't see any issues with the relationship.

The fact that she doesn't see any issues doesn't mean that she isn't being abused.

People who are the victim in a coercive control relationship often can't see the wood for the trees. That is a direct result of the way their abuser is manipulating them into being utterly dependent.

Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 31/10/2021 22:55

@cuttlefishgame

My mum simply doesn't see any issues with the relationship.

The fact that she doesn't see any issues doesn't mean that she isn't being abused.

People who are the victim in a coercive control relationship often can't see the wood for the trees. That is a direct result of the way their abuser is manipulating them into being utterly dependent.

What can I do? It has been like this from the start. So weird.
OP posts:
cuttlefishgame · 01/11/2021 21:39

Do you have aunts or uncles (your mum's siblings) that you could talk to about it?

Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 06/11/2021 16:58

They all live far away and always have, so although they are lovely we are not close. They all have children and grandchildren and busy lives. Last time, back in July, I emailed my aunt and she was concerned too. Mum's boyfriend told me and one of my siblings, as we had both messaged our aunt, he said we were manipulative for doing that. Despite the fact I have told my mum the same things and have never hid my views. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my mum knows I am an honest person.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 06/11/2021 17:12

Well he does sound controlling and this is the start and he will get worse

I wouldn’t be texting her anymore

NothingSafe · 07/11/2021 21:03

Sometimes DH does this with me (because he asks me to check he's not being rude inadvertently, he has quite a... for). But not every time and definitely not like this, I think you're right to be concerned.

Unfortunately if he is controlling (which it sounds like), saying so is only likely to make her shut down - just don't say anything in messages to her you wouldn't want him to read, and try and see her in person instead.

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