MIL just called to come round

[mumbear]

Am I being unreasonable? MIL just called and gave me 30 mins notice that shes coming round, she and FIL want to bring DDs xmas prezzie round (Even though theyre coming xmas day and Ill prob see them a few times before Christmas. Im in my bloody pajamas, with wet hair trying to have tea and 7oclock is when I feed the baby and get her put to bed, shes got a cold anyway and is in an evil mood. Is it wrong to ask for a little more notice? GGRRRRRRRRRRRRR
OOh feel a bit better now!

At least she's not bringing your gran as well, like me my did today (also totall =y unexpected, house in a mess etc)

Like my mum that should say.

Don't answer the door

Nope, I don't think you're being unreasonable. If they know that 7pm is DDs bedtime its a bit inconsiderate imo.

or you could ask her to put dd to bed, while you relax with a glass of wine

can't you say it's not convenient? i don't understand how it works with these MILs that just walk all over you.

Ace might just ignore the door!!!! Its our own fault when she was first born they used to turn up on the doorstop all the time and stay all day we asked them to ring if they wanted to pop round what we should have said was 'Feel free to come round, just give us 48hours notice and make sure your visit is between 10am and 1pm' Ill know better when i have the next one!! I will have that glass of wine anyway

Subtlety doesn't work on these people.
You have to be blunt.
It's like ripping off a plaster.
It hurts for a while, but everything gets better quickly afterwards.

my MIL turned up yesterday after specifically telling me that she wasn't coming round. I was very pleased DD was having her nap upstairs. I'm a bad bad woman aren't I?

If she phoned up to say she was coming round in the hour before DD's bedtime, I'd tell her very firmly that she wasn't.

So yanbu but then I'm so sure how reasonable I am.

You should have just said tonight was a bad night. I'm sure she would have understood

IMO you're lucky she calls before she visits.

Mine just lands on me with no notice whatsoever

not so sure

Yep, totally unreasonable! What would be reasonable is if you'd said "Sorry, its too late, we're about to do bedtime. Never mind, we'll see you soon".

Can you manage to not invite them in? Chat on the doorstep, say sorry its baby's bedtime, must dash, see you soon?

We had the opposite problem - MIL hardly ever came round, we were expected to take DD round there - would phone us if we hadnt been round (like we had nothing else to do!) The odd time whrn they did call to see if it was ok to call round (usually when DD was detting ready for bed), I was also evil enough to try to get DD to bed asleep before they came (while not letting DH see what I was doing) - we are quite strict on routine here, so it was tough! And they were always half an hour late! (only live 15 mins away). Now MIL is not here, we hardly ever see FIL esp as DD is in school - he has a new lady friend and spends all weekends with her - usually sees DD once a month if she is lucky! We have met lady friend very briefly twice in 8 months!!!

My son doesnt even know what his grandad looks like.He asked me who he was when we bumped into him. Strange and very sad, I vow to be a good MIL and Grandmother!!!

Theres nothin like a mil thread to start everyone off!!! Theyve just gone baby is suitably wound up and will not go to sleep. Thing is im blunt as fck with everyone else just cant be with them theyre alright just have no concept of conveniance!!

Oh, I dont know if it'd bother me, but then iv lived my life with relatives turning up at all hours, so im used to it. It just bothers me when its the morning.

Hehehe, IL, thats the magic word. My X used to demand they give at least a day's notice before coming (we live 5mins away), but if she fancied going there we would go without a call - even to see if they were in.

I'd say what makes me mad is one rule for one, another rule for others. Like saying her ILs must not walk into her room, but my ILs could walk around and do anything.

i know, surely it shouldn't be a matter of 'we're coming round.' it should be 'is it ok if we come round?' which gives you the freedom to say no if it's not convenient. My MIL is the same. and to make matters worse we don't get on at all. She's never even given me a chance. So obviously i dread her little visits. And the fact that she stays for hours and hours and hours even after we've dropped like a million hints. Anytime i even venture to say anything to her i just get made to feel like a naughty girl who's backchatting her teacher. ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! I would never dream of decending on someone unless i knew i was 100% welcome, and it was 100% convenient for that person, why can't MIL be as neurotic as i am?