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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Here we go again

8 replies

Feebeedeebee · 30/10/2021 11:53

I posted a couple of weeks ago about my ex wanting to bring DD home early from his weekend because she'd started vomiting. Long story short, he did keep her until the Sunday after I'd made it clear that making her travel for over an hour wasn't acceptable.

Fast forward to this weekend. He has her alternate weekends, Friday evening until Sunday afternoon. DD went off yesterday perfectly happy and looking forward to the weekend of Halloween activities they had planned. By midnight I was getting messages saying she was awake and wanted to come home. I'd been drinking and the weather was horrendous so last night wasn't an option but he dropped her home this morning. Commented that she was a different child as soon as she got home, happy & chatty.

He's now suggesting that he shouldn't have her overnight anymore as she is homesick.

I don't know where to go from here. I don't want to force her but I don't want her to miss out on time with him. And equally, I really need that down time.

Anyone have experience of a 6 year old not wanting to stay at their dads? Any suggestions appreciated. She's my one and only incredibly special rainbow baby and is my number one priority but I also need a break and i can't help wondering whether he's done or said something to prompt this behaviour as a way to continue to control me.

OP posts:
cheninblanc · 30/10/2021 12:08

I'd be wary that it's a way to control you, your free time and what you do. If there are no safeguarding issues she absolutely needs to stay at her dad's. My ex tried this and it's not easy but ignore the texts, if she doesn't need medical treatment he needs to parent the behaviour and not leave it all to you

ThinWomansBrain · 30/10/2021 12:15

Ask her what she wants to do?

GoodnightGrandma · 30/10/2021 12:17

@ThinWomansBrain

Ask her what she wants to do?
I agree. Don’t make her go. There might be something that she can’t verbalise that’s making her unhappy.
Feebeedeebee · 30/10/2021 13:52

I have asked her. She says she misses me too much. She's been fine up until now. He didn't see her at all through the summer holiday though (his choice, not mine) and the problem has started since then.

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 30/10/2021 13:59

I never wanted to stay at my dad’s house, mum’s house was always home.

dudsville · 30/10/2021 14:02

I don't think it's uncommon to not want to go between places.

Feebeedeebee · 30/10/2021 14:37

My place will always be home but I think it's important for her to have a relationship with her dad and to spend time with him. I'm just not sure how to get her back to being comfortable spending time there. To be honest, it's like some kind of separation anxiety as she can't be with anyone else for very long before wanting to come back to me.

OP posts:
TaraR2020 · 30/10/2021 14:47

If your dd is happy to, could you maintain the weekends but arrange a phone call or face time with her each night she's away?

Children do go through phases of being clingy, the nightly chat with you might be all she needs.

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