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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Suggested 14 restaurants and she's picked a different one at double the price!

22 replies

bigdecisionaboutwork · 29/10/2021 11:22

There’s a crowd of us who go out for a long lunch/early dinner just before Christmas each year. Obviously hasn’t happened for a while with Covid. Last night one of the friends (the one I’m closest to) set up a Whatsapp group to plan this year’s meetup, and asked had I any suggestions (I’ve worked in the city centre for years so have been to a lot of restaurants in the area we are going to)

I sent on a list of 14 suggested places - Thai, French, steakhouse etc. Average price about £40/£60 a head for the food. Not cheap but not into Michelin star territory! One of the others suggested another place (which I would go to as well)

I see this morning that she has booked somewhere I’ve never heard of, and the set menu is €80 a head - with only 2 choices for each course! (and very fancy, we’re talking squid ink etc and prob v small portions)
Doesn’t appear to have consulted anyone else in the group. Is it just me or is it a bit much to ask for suggestions and then go totally off piste? Also, I hadn’t left her to do all the arrangements - I suggested lots of restaurants, and then when everyone came back with their dates, I worked out on which dates we were all available, and put it up on the group. (I do like a spreadsheet…)

She’s usually great so I don’t want to go off on one till I have all the facts - there’s a small chance her sister suggested the place (and I’ve never liked any of her sister’s choices on a night out, we are very different - but I haven’t moaned about it in the past as I didn’t realise till I was there that it wasn’t my style). However, if I’m spending £££ on a planned night out, I want it to be somewhere I will like - and I’m not fussy!

If it’s set in stone I’ll back out quietly, but will be annoyed that I have to miss what is usually a lovely night out.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 29/10/2021 11:24

And what if someone else has also already booked on their own whim? What would she say? Does she see herself as 'in charge' and everyone else does what she says?

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 29/10/2021 11:25

Just say something! I'd say it was a bit more than you can afford and weren't any of the suggestions any good?

bigdecisionaboutwork · 29/10/2021 11:25

Looks like it was her sisters suggestion - negotiating a change now!

OP posts:
bigdecisionaboutwork · 29/10/2021 11:35

She's said she is not fussy and will go anywhere and that she picked this place as it was recommended, I think she may have just jumped the gun due to excitement for a day out. But I don't want to insist on my own choice out of all the others - I'd genuinely go to all of them, and don't want to impose my preference on the rest!

OP posts:
Pedalpushers · 29/10/2021 11:36

Is her sister some sort of restaurant critic? Why does she always choose your nights out?

Latecomer131 · 29/10/2021 11:38

I am with you, OP . I pulled out of an old school friend's 30th because of something similar to this. Her stepsister invited me to a vaguely described "dinner" and dancing, and I said that I was free and could come.

It later turned out that it was some sort of paid theatre +meal thing, she'd already bought tickets on everyone's behalf and expected £50 from everyone to cover the other half of the ticket.

My response was that if I had been given full information about what the event was and the cost involved, then I would have politely declined and I had never consented to a ticket being bought on my behalf, so it was the stepsister's problem if she had already bought a ticket for me.

The stepsister then got into a massive huff and started to demand information about what I "could afford" to contribute. Needless to say, I did not attend.

I was a graduate student finishing up my PhD at the time and did not have much funding to play with. I found the assumption that £50 was something you didn't even need to check with people bizzare and very entitled.

madnessitellyou · 29/10/2021 11:39

Just say "Really sorry, that's beyond my budget/not my cup of tea so I'll bow out now. Hope you all have a fab time".

LookItsMeAgain · 29/10/2021 11:41

I'd just reply that the cost of the menu has possibly doubled in price and that you were trying to recommend a good eatery that has an affordable menu with more than 2 options per course so if the location is as chosen, you'll politely decline and won't be attending. If the restaurant choice is put to the group, you might want to allow voting as some others may not want to spend £80 +wine/drinks on a work night out and the other options may be more suitable to more people.

SpookyPumpkinPants · 29/10/2021 11:42

I hope you can get it rearranged to suit the majority instead of her sister. It doesn't sound like my kind of place either & seems ridiculous when there are so many other good options!!

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 29/10/2021 11:44

Agree with @madnessitellyou response put that in whatsapp group so that others go and look at what has been booked

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 29/10/2021 11:45

Hopefully she's already changed her mind but if not I'd say I can't afford that sort of price. I'll sit this one out thanks.

bigdecisionaboutwork · 29/10/2021 11:48

Sis fancies herself so think my friend falls for it a bit. Texts have gone quiet now so don't know what's going on

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 29/10/2021 11:49

Why has she booked before an agreement was reached. But you will never please everyone in a large group. And there was no point in you suggesting 14 places. Why not just one or two. Seems to be a lack of communication all round.

Rachel4545 · 29/10/2021 11:49

Can you set up an online doddle poll and get everyone to vote for a top 2 or 3 choices then go to the one with the most votes?

whitehorsesdonotlie · 29/10/2021 11:50

I'd just say 'no thanks, that's too expensive, and I don't like any of the menu options. What happened to the 14 I suggested?'

bigdecisionaboutwork · 29/10/2021 11:50

OK just got msg "grand I'll sort it" so don’t think she's offended and hopefully it'll end up in a better venue! She's not hugely tech savvy so there's a v good chance she didn't look up the menu and wasn't aware of the price/lack of choice

OP posts:
bigdecisionaboutwork · 29/10/2021 11:52

No one has mentioned the choice on the group so don't know what the others think - maybe they're all going "oh no!" In the background.

OP posts:
titchy · 29/10/2021 11:54

Just set up a doodle poll on restaurants (pick 6 - Maybe include her suggestion and the other persons - provide links to menu and prices) and date. Send to group. Book what majority says.

titchy · 29/10/2021 11:55

Cross post - if she's not tech savvy then offer to do the doodle poll for her. She can then book and sort out deposits if she wants to look like the organiser.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 29/10/2021 12:21

I was going to ask why you hadn’t just done a Doodle Poll for dates and restaurant bookings… give everyone 24 hours to vote and go with the majority.

Spreadsheets and her just booking suggests a bit of a power struggle?

bigdecisionaboutwork · 29/10/2021 12:50

Changed to much better restaurant, all sorted!!!

OP posts:
Nowisthemonthofmaying · 29/10/2021 13:43

Phew! Good to hear that not everything turns into a big drama, nice to hear about some reasonable people for once Grin

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