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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family woes - constant clashes!

3 replies

ZubinB · 29/10/2021 08:57

Just came back from a rather tense break away - Parents, my sister and our 5 kids all under one roof.
My sister has form for being volatile - she shouts people down a lot. My mum is beyond obsessed with her grandkids - adores them, but takes over, undermines me constantly, stuffs chocolate and sweets in their mouths at any opportunity, excessive Birthday/Christmas gifts. She has little going on her life since retiring so puts a lot of focus on them. She's pretty mean to my dad too - shuts him down, passive aggressive comments all the time, can be quite rude. In turn, he can be quite grumpy at times, but he and I are very tight. I'm no angel, but generally take a back seat where I can, try and stick up for my dad against my mum - but it gets pretty toxic, as you can imagine. When we are harmonious, we are a very tight family.
Holiday I got a bit over excited and tipsy, ended up sloshing some red wine around when dancing with kids. Bad I know. Sister went BALLISTIC, calling me disrespectful etc, shouting so much at me in front of kids. Not a great start but next morning, sort of ok. Clashed with my mum about the amount of sweets she kept giving my kids - she mimicked me, called me a snob etc.
I stuck up for my dad at one point, and she told me to mind my own business.
This sort of mean behaviour happens a lot, especially when the children are around - I feel awful after being around them, really questioning my character.
AIBU to not want to go way with them again/visit as much - despite how much my children ADORE them all, especially their cousins? Or any tips on how to avoid the conflicts?

OP posts:
Lasair · 29/10/2021 14:22

I’m not sure what you did was so bad? You had a dance… your sister was way OTT, your mum sounds awful. This all sounds awful. Not normal at all.

Pumpkinsondisplay · 29/10/2021 14:24

You go away with your df.. Dsis goes with your dm.
You all have the best holiday...
Win win.

Natty13 · 29/10/2021 14:59

I dont allow people to shout at me, call me names, sneer at me, or be nasty in any other way. My family have learnt that if they want to be around me/my children they will have to not do these things. I will not be treated that way by anyone ESPECIALLY by people who are supposed to love you and I certainly will not allow my children to witness that behaviour and grow up thinking it's normal.

It didn't happen overnight but ultimately they now behave and we all get on much better as a result. It took a lot of me calmly saying "do not shout at me", a lot of me (calmly) packing up and walking out and a lot of me turning down invitations because "last time I was shouted at and I will not spend time with people who shout at or sneer at me"

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