The bickering. The never ending bickering.

[RosieLemonade]

It makes me want to run away.
DD is 4 and a half. DN is just 3. DD is a natural mother hen (and bossy!) and DN is madly independent and a bit of a wind up merchant. They argue over everything all of the time. DN is staying with us till Monday morning and so far they have had three arguments since half past 7 this morning. Any tips to get me through till Monday? I am planning to keep them out of the house a lot!
(We have DN one full day and 3 dinner times a week so DD is used to her being here. DN has her own bedroom here so they won't be sleeping in the same room)

Do they actually like each other?

Encourage your daughter to not be bossy.
It is annoying for other children and when she goes to school it could be a real problem.

Winding up your nephew by her bossiness is not nice, tell her to back off.

If she can't or won't, I would be very firm because this will come back to bite her and you.

Otherwise plenty of fresh air, do some crafting with them.

Make mini pizzas with them using wraps as a base and pesto or ketchup spread on it. Add things they like or just cheese.

Make some simple buns they can decorate.

Make a camp in the house for them to play in.
Set them up for a movie to give yourself a break!

Oh, the bickering is awful! My DC are 7 and 3 and usually best friends - until one of them winds the other up, which is a lot! No advice but I sympathise.

This morning DD was reading in bed and DS toddled in to say good morning. DD told him to go away because he was distracting her, he said no, she shouted at him, he collapsed on the floor and screamed his head off. At 8am! I only popped into the bathroom for two minutes...

Hope the rest of the day is a little smoother for you. (And us!)

Three days op? Just suck it up!

Are you having a second or no?

They adore each other in theory. They ask to see each other every day and then argue when they are together!

I’d separate them, after a warning, if there’s bickering. 2 mins in their own rooms to re-set, then distract. Might need to do it quite a few times, but I found it pretty effective.

Please don't do as a PP has suggested and single your DD out for being bossy. It's a horrible way of putting girls and women down for being assertive and outgoing, when boys and men are never labeled the same. Treat them both equally, they both sound as bad as each other.

@CoodleMoodle

Oh, the bickering is awful! My DC are 7 and 3 and usually best friends - until one of them winds the other up, which is a lot! No advice but I sympathise.

This morning DD was reading in bed and DS toddled in to say good morning. DD told him to go away because he was distracting her, he said no, she shouted at him, he collapsed on the floor and screamed his head off. At 8am! I only popped into the bathroom for two minutes...

Hope the rest of the day is a little smoother for you. (And us!)

I'm so glad to hear someone else's 3 year old does the collapse and scream performance. It makes me so cross I have to hide in the loo and meditate.

Try and filter it out and not get involved. They need to learn how to do it themselves.
If you do need to get involved, model the language you want them to use and get them to repeat it.

I.e. if DD keeps taking things off DN model how to have a conversation about it with the item in between them and DN in possession.

DD: I want to play with the hoop now
DN: I'm still playing but you can have when I've finished
DD: Thank you

At this age they will learn some things by seeing and copying but they also need specific guidance.

Oh, and LOTS of praise when you hear them getting it 'right'.

@BarbaraLoganPrice

Please don't do as a PP has suggested and single your DD out for being bossy. It's a horrible way of putting girls and women down for being assertive and outgoing, when boys and men are never labeled the same. Treat them both equally, they both sound as bad as each other.

Huh?

My son is very bossy to his sister. I tell him to pipe down with the bossiness.
My daughter is very bossy to me! I also tell her to pipe down with the bossiness

”DN has her own bedroom”

Winding up your nephew by her bossiness is not nice, tell her to back off.

Fabulous example of “male is default”!

I let them work it out themselves. To a point. I’m not going to run in and rescue the youngest when he doesn’t get his own way and I’m not going to penalise the eldest for asserting boundaries, he also has to realise if he says ‘go away’ to his brother he may miss out on something nice.

They’re much better after realising I’m not going to intervene because they realise they have to work it out and there’s no sense crying to me.

It’s good for them to negotiate with each other. Obviously if they’re killing each other I do, but for the most part just leave it and have an open ear for when it goes south. We all have to realise how our behaviour affects others.

Oh I know the struggle
DS is 2.5 yo, and is a cuddly teddy bear who loves to hug and touch.
DN (F) is 5 and is intelligent, funny, a bit bossy and HATES to be touched.

We meet very often because they actually do like each other but every single time after ca 1h the craziness starts.

I am hoping the will just grow out of it.

Play hide and seek with them
Then hide in the basement. With wine ...

Yes lots of fresh air and running around. Or separate them to different ends of the room if bickering is too much to bear!!
Also definitely pull DD up on her bossing, no one wants to be dicatated to, and it may cause difficulties at school, so it’s best to make her aware of it.

The DN I think is a girl - it’s niece not nephew so no sexism needs to be involved! OP says “DN has her own room”. Although it would have been better to say niece than DN for clarity.