Grandparents not bothered

[ShepherdMoons]

My dd is 8 and has seen my df probably about 5 times since she was born.My dm and df divorced many years ago and stepmother has tried to put distance between df and his dcs.

We've offered to visit df but he has not seemed interested, he never calls, face times or visits My dd. He spends a lot of time doing activities with my stepmother family and will have whole weekends with them. This year I found out he won't even see our children before Xmas.

I've written him a letter explaining how unhappy I am about this, it's not a nasty letter just explaining how hard it is to keep a relationship and have a bond with him and dd when there is do little contact. This was three weeks ago and I've heard nothing since.

AIBU to think we should just cut contact now? I've made a lot of effort in the past, dropped everything when df says he will visit. Dd just ends up disappointed that she never sees grandad.

My guess is that your DSM is the one who puts all the work into the relationship with her family and your dad goes along with whatever she's organised. If she stopped doing that, he wouldn't make any effort with her family either.

He's just a lazy, selfish man who expects the women in his life to do all the running to facilitate any relationships. Cutting contact will hopefully save your DD from being put in that role as she gets older.

He's not worth your time or effort.

Are you me? It's so hard. When DF rejects your DC is feels like they are rejecting you all over again. I'm at the point where I am very LC. He's not noticed. It's a shame as DFIL died before DC were born. He's opted out despite being the only male grandparent.
Feel free to DM me op.

We’ve had the same on my father’s and father in law side. Both crap fathers,both got 2nd wife/partner and dropped our side like hot potatoes. Both of them had their partners as gate keepers.
It is sad but they made their choices, you can’t force the relationship.

I’m astounded though how can you treat your biological family like crap and have your step family on pedestal.

My father’s dead now, we are NC with FIL who made zero effort with us but managed to smear us to all extended family what bad guys we were.

I won’t let my kids come last in the pecking order.

My biological father was extremely flaky with me. My stepmom however has always made an effort which is peculiar but I'm grateful!
My kids are 6 and 7 and my sperm donor has never met him. Neither would I want them to. What's the point in putting them through the heartache I had to endure of someone not really wanting me or being very distant.

I speak to my step mum once a week. I send her pics of the kids. My SD (sperm donor) is an abusive arse so she's only been to see the kids once or twice. She sends them money at Christmas, she's interested in what they do. Whether or not she's feeding this back to my SD I have no idea. However he has a phone and if he was that desperate he'd have made an effort by now.

You need to accept that he's not interested and promote the relationships with people who do care. Sometimes those people aren't blood related and that's fine.

Thank you everyone, we are going to go no contact with df from now on. I don't expect I will ever receive a reply to my letter but in many ways I'm glad I sent it. I want him to know the reasons why I no longer speak to him.

I do feel like df and his wife have really made a big deal out of doing things with her family (E.g. going to Harry Potter experience in London and wearing the t-shirts when they met up with us, talking about going pony trekking, going to Centerparcs together). Looking back I see them as doing this deliberately and being hurtful, clearly they never meant to give us any time.

OP,

Good call.
You said your piece.
There isn't any confusion.
Well done for being very brave and clear.
Be proud.
You should be.
Your daughter is very lucky to have you as a role model.
You will be ok.
So will your daughter.
No more messing around.

As horrible as it is, I too think you’ve made the right decision. You and your children are not second best. It’s very, very hard concept to accept that your parent’s aren’t interested in you, or love you unconditionally, but having accepted it you can move positively on with your life.