Is this disproportionate anxiety?

[anxiousoverthinker]

As per username (changed for this post), I struggle with anxiety quite a lot and more so since birth of baby earlier this year.

This morning DP has gone to work on his bicycle. Long story short - we have 2 cars, one currently out of action due to garage repair. DP didn't want to leave me without a car today as he wanted me to be able to take baby out. I said no it's fine, take the car, we can stay home for one day. This conversation happened at 6.30am this morning before he set off cycling. For context, it was dark, cold and wet and it would take him 45 mins or so to cycle work, along (mostly) dark unlit country lanes. He has reflective gear and a helmet but no lights on his bike. He insisted on cycling multiple times - wouldn't agree to take the car, said he'd be fine.

I lay awake in bed while baby slept soundly (typical) until I recorded his "I've arrived safely" text that he promised to send, feeling very anxious that something bad had happened to him. I couldn't relax or sleep til I got this text. I had all kinds of awful scenarios going through my head, the worst was what if a car hits him and he doesn't see his baby grow up?

Am I being ridiculous to feel so anxious about this, or is this something that would make most people feel anxious? What I mean is, would most people just happily wave their partner off in the dark and cold on a bike ride to work and not think twice, and therefore is this disproportionate anxiety? Or would it be normal to have anxiety about this?

@anxiousoverthinker

Yes the no lights thing bothered me a lot too! He rarely uses the bike so it's not something that's come up as an issue before. I won't be letting him do it again without lights! In fairness to him he was being really considerate insisting on leaving me with a car to take baby out, but at the same time he's putting himself in danger which I'm not happy about. He is finishing when it's light so the commute home will be OK. Or I will just collect him!

Yes he meant well but really didn't think it through!

He’s an absolute tosser for not having lights. My boyfriend was hit by a car on his bike and he had lights on. He’s absolutely fine but I would have worried too if my boyfriend was that much of an idiot.

I didn't actually know it was illegal. Like I say we have use of two cars usually so we're not regular cyclists. I'll make sure he's aware of that!

Here you go. £12.99 - no need for any tools to install. Can be delivered tomorrow www.amazon.co.uk/Balhvit-Rechargeable-Bicycle-Waterproof-Mountain/dp/B077RXY17S/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&crid=2AU4E3Y0MU44F&keywords=bike+lights&sprefix=bike+lights%2Caps%2C79&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1635491354&sr=8-3

He NEEDS lights. But cycling is good exercise and not nearly as dangerous as your anxiety is implying. Apparently over three quarters of a million people in England and Wales cycle to work.

@Sparklingbrook

I offered that too last night when we discussed the logistics this morning - I said I'll get up with baby and drive you there. He said no that will disturb baby's routine as it's too early etc. So I said take the car then? No, you'll need it. Said I'll manage it's just one day. Insists he'll be fine... etc. It's not worth the argument sometimes when he gets an idea in his head. And I know it's coming from a good place but he's taken unnecessary risks this time so I'm not happy.

@museumum

Here you go. £12.99 - no need for any tools to install. Can be delivered tomorrow www.amazon.co.uk/Balhvit-Rechargeable-Bicycle-Waterproof-Mountain/dp/B077RXY17S/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&crid=2AU4E3Y0MU44F&keywords=bike+lights&sprefix=bike+lights%2Caps%2C79&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1635491354&sr=8-3

He NEEDS lights. But cycling is good exercise and not nearly as dangerous as your anxiety is implying. Apparently over three quarters of a million people in England and Wales cycle to work.

Thank you!

Yeah he should have lights on his bike but might also be worth getting some help with your anxiety levels. Worrying about something isn’t going to mean it won’t happen- we all take millions of little risks each day

He NEEDS lights. But cycling is good exercise and not nearly as dangerous as your anxiety is implying. Apparently over three quarters of a million people in England and Wales cycle to work

I couldn't cycle to work (cycling on the motorway is frowned upon!). We have showers and a safe place to keep bikes and space for wet cycling gear etc for people that want to.
But a lot of work places just aren't set up for cycling there.

I don't get anxiety and live "normally" that said I am terrified of road accidents (for other people, I drive how I like!), and can't relax when my husband is on a long drive, I HATE other people driving my kids or if DH is driving them somewhere far and I'm not with them. Not enough to stop it happening of course, I recognise it's irrational, but I just don't relax properly until I know they're where they should be. I'm dreading my kids driving...

I have to text my mum when I get to places so I blame her!

@anxiousoverthinker

I didn't actually know it was illegal. Like I say we have use of two cars usually so we're not regular cyclists. I'll make sure he's aware of that!

And if he does again Report him!

If he caused an accident
He would be charged
And that was presuming he wasn’t lying in a morgue