Absent father came back and confused me.

[Sashaisstressed]

I have a 10 year old daughter.

Her dad has been absent since birth as we were both teenagers and he denied parentage.

He got back in touch last month and we met last week to discuss how to approach contact after so long.

I don’t know what’s come over me but I feel it’s brought up a lot of old feelings. I hated this man and now I can’t stop thinking about him - it literally makes no sense.

I don’t even know how to comprehend these feelings as they are so intense.

Aibu to ask for help as I don’t know what to do.

What feelings are you feeling? I think it would be helpful for you to name them specifically.

Don't be shocked you're feeling overwhelmed by mixed feelings, you've brought up your dd singlehandedly when you were very young and competing with those feelings, presumably, are ones long since buried and forgotten (?)

How did the meeting go with him? How was he?

Perhaps you were angry at him and hated him because he abandoned you both. He's come back so part of you has let go because he hasn't abandoned you anymore.

But he still did. Coming back doesn't undo what he did.

Don't fall into anything, take things very very slowly. Don't accept any attempt to rush things. Set a time table and stick to it, even if you yourself are fancying moving things along quicker.

Whatever you are feeling I would absolutely focus on what is best for your daughter.

She has no relationship with this man.

Sounds like a perfectly normal reaction. He was an enormous part of the most momentous event ( or one of) of your life. Suddenly here again. Difficult to process.

Treat him like a distant employee. You call all the shots. Take it very slowly.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4387498-8-years-on-ex-is-back-to-see-his-child

10 years or 8? 🤨

You're bound to be confused. You need to take it really slow and give yourself the time and space to work through your emotions before making any decisions.

One thing I will say is that he has a hell of a lot of ground to make up to build up any trust after not only abandoning but also denying your child, and if he's not willing to make this effort before you decide he can meet her then that tells you a lot.

I think it’s natural to have strong feelings for the father of your child. Be very careful he’s been gone a long time. Just facilitate contact, don’t get involved it’s best for your child if you keep it platonic.