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Original poster

Alcoholic father threatening to take wife to court

57 replies

Lucyjb93 · 28/10/2021 19:56

Hello can anyone please give my some sort of advise.
My wife’s father is an alcoholic he has been for the last 40 years during this time he has self harmed on a lot of occasions.
He’s caused my wife to have a lot of childhood trauma which still effects her to this day.
We have a son who’s going to be 6 and he’s only met him about 4 times when he was 18months old which in that time her father started drinking around our son again.
He’s now threatening to take us to court because he’s been sober for four months. What are his chances of being granted access

OP posts:
Garriet · 28/10/2021 20:42

@freshcarnation

Zero.
This.

He’d need permission to apply in the first place, which you could contest and give your reasons. The court will only entertain applications from grandparents if there’s a significant existing relationship and no safeguarding concerns.

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/10/2021 20:44

Xmas is coming up so I don’t think you have to worry about sobriety for much longer.

MissChanandlerBong81 · 28/10/2021 20:45

Snowball in hell territory. Don’t worry.

HouseOfFire · 28/10/2021 20:47

absofuckinglutely not a chance in hell

DeireadhFomhair · 28/10/2021 20:48

Sorry you're all going through this, but looks like it's never going to happen. Best thing to do is block him altogether.

Original poster
Lucyjb93 · 28/10/2021 20:49

@MrsPinkCock

I’m a lawyer in a different area of law but it sounds incredibly unlikely.

Maybe @Collaborate is around and kind enough to comment, she’s a family lawyer and I’ve seen a lot of helpful advice from her over the years.

Thank you I hope she can I would really appreciate it
OP posts:
Harlequin1088 · 28/10/2021 20:51

I wouldn't worry too much. As the child of an alcoholic myself, I find it difficult to believe that your wife's father would spend precious drinking money on huge court fees and think it even less likely that he'd manage to sober up sufficiently long enough to not look like a drunken old soak in the courtroom.

You and your wife are doing the right thing by protecting your child from a toxic grandparent. Cut ties with the horrible man if you haven't done so already as I'm afraid the booze will always be the most important thing in his life and his daughter/grandchild will sadly always be second best.

Original poster
Lucyjb93 · 28/10/2021 20:51

@DeireadhFomhair

Sorry you're all going through this, but looks like it's never going to happen. Best thing to do is block him altogether.
Lots of people have suggested blocking him. He doesn't use social media. He called off her uncle house phone so she answered and unfortunately it wasn't her uncle. His mobile number will be blocked and fortunately he doesn't know where we live
OP posts:
Winniemarysarah · 28/10/2021 21:06

@RepentMotherfucker

Iirc they firstly have to apply to the court for permission to even apply for contact. That is the point at which this would fail because there is no historical relationship.
This is what I was thinking. Family courts are not like civil courts where you can technically take anyone to court for anything. You have to put forward you case and ask permission before even applying to open a case. He won’t even get that far
Changechangychange · 28/10/2021 21:17

fortunately he doesn't know where we live

How’s he planning on serving the court papers then?

This is a load of nonsense from start to finish, just some drunken addled ramblings from an abusive old man. Ignore (and block her uncle as well if he’s prepared to facilitate this).

If there’s any further unwanted contact, report him for harassment and apply for a restraining order against him. Doesn’t matter if one is granted or not, but it makes it clear if he does apply for contact that this is him being abusive and not him desperately wanting to see his grandchild.

Original poster
Lucyjb93 · 28/10/2021 21:26

@Changechangychange

fortunately he doesn't know where we live

How’s he planning on serving the court papers then?

This is a load of nonsense from start to finish, just some drunken addled ramblings from an abusive old man. Ignore (and block her uncle as well if he’s prepared to facilitate this).

If there’s any further unwanted contact, report him for harassment and apply for a restraining order against him. Doesn’t matter if one is granted or not, but it makes it clear if he does apply for contact that this is him being abusive and not him desperately wanting to see his grandchild.

You're completely right we didn't even think of that!

He wasn't drunk when he said it he's been sober for four months and said he can apply for it when he's been sober for six months.

Her uncle wasn't aware until it was too late
Thank you for you reply

OP posts:
VivienScott · 28/10/2021 21:38

He sounds like an abusive controlling narcissist who’s found a new way to terrify and try and control your wife. I’d look into whether you can get a restraining order against him

kitkatsky · 28/10/2021 21:39

None. He could be the best grandparent in the world, but unless he'd raised your child without you both being involved for a sustained period he'd still got get access

RepentMotherfucker · 28/10/2021 21:39

said he can apply for it when he's been sober for six months.

Yep that's totally the rule. Alcoholic abusers have their estranged grandkids served up to them by the courts if they can show they haven't been to the offie for half a year.

Where is he getting this?!

3scape · 28/10/2021 21:51

He sounds properly delusional. It's not unusual for alcoholic s to hallucinate as their liver gives up.

Original poster
Lucyjb93 · 28/10/2021 21:52

@RepentMotherfucker

said he can apply for it when he's been sober for six months.

Yep that's totally the rule. Alcoholic abusers have their estranged grandkids served up to them by the courts if they can show they haven't been to the offie for half a year.

Where is he getting this?!

Apparently from a solicitor at one of his AA meeting who's an addict aswell
OP posts:
Original poster
Lucyjb93 · 28/10/2021 21:53

@VivienScott

He sounds like an abusive controlling narcissist who’s found a new way to terrify and try and control your wife. I’d look into whether you can get a restraining order against him
Yeah I think that's a good idea a might do it. To be honest my wife had one until she was 18 and it ran out
OP posts:
FOJN · 28/10/2021 21:58

Good grief, block him and don't hold your breath waiting for a letter to arrive from the courts, he won't take it any further.

I very much doubt he's been sober for 4 months, his threats sound like the behaviour of someone still drinking.

FOJN · 28/10/2021 22:02

Apparently from a solicitor at one of his AA meeting who's an addict aswell

I'd bet my house that didn't happen. If he was actually taking any advice from someone in AA worth listening to he would not be behaving the way he is.

Original poster
Lucyjb93 · 28/10/2021 22:04

@FOJN

Apparently from a solicitor at one of his AA meeting who's an addict aswell

I'd bet my house that didn't happen. If he was actually taking any advice from someone in AA worth listening to he would not be behaving the way he is.

Honestly it's ridiculous. He's been telling her uncle that the people at the AA meeting have told him he should bring seeing my son and that he has every right to see him ect.
OP posts:
RepentMotherfucker · 28/10/2021 22:05

4 months, 6 months, a year, 5 years are nothing to an alcoholic. So that number is ridiculous and arbitrary and nonsense.

And I think if you dug you'd find the 'solicitor' has an A-level in Law and said nothing of the sort anyway. Or was talking to someone else about something else.

This is utter nonsense. People can't just apply for access to your children, that's not a thing in our legal system.

Flowers for you and your wife. But sleep easy - it's a non-starter.

ClareBlue · 28/10/2021 22:06

Just another attempt at controlling his daughter by scaring her into thinking he will be able to have some input into her children's lives. But he won't. Your wife has probably been conditioned to think he is all powerful, but he isn't. You can reassure her he has no chance. Cut him off, enjoy your family life without his toxic presence and put your energy into your children and relationship. Don't even give him any head space.

RepentMotherfucker · 28/10/2021 22:08

I think this is a thing though where well meaning people think they are helping addicts by encouraging them to do stupid things that distress and worry those around them.

Something similar happened with a family member of mine who was worried about her DD's abusive father getting contact after a person at his care facility encouraged him to fill in some forms etc. It went nowhere.

lisaandalan · 28/10/2021 22:12

Let him waste his money, he's just trying to cause your wife trauma as he always has. The man's a selfish idiot. X

myheartskippedabeat · 28/10/2021 23:01

I'd get on the case and speak to your child's school and let them know the situation and let the safeguarding team give some advice and get this documented somewhere so that relevant parties are aware.

I worked in a school afew years back snd we had situations with randome family members trying to get information from us so if the school are aware it's better

If he knew the area and rang round the schools and said "I'm ringing up in relation to my grandson xxxxx"

School "oh yeah"

Confirms the location

Please tell them

I don't want to frighten you but better to keep them snd any childminders, wraparound providers and close friends in the loop I'd say x