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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OLD and the coffee cup

53 replies

allenkeys · 28/10/2021 17:46

So I did a RL meet from OLD and was pleasantly surprised. He looked like his profile pic, attractive to look at, could hold a conversation, talked about his family and what it was like to be a widower, we talked about shared interests, he raised some interesting topics, and then ... he sipped his coffee while looking at me and he... eurgh .. momentarily rested his tongue on the cup before drinking from it.
My whole being was the saying no, no, get out of there, never want to see him again. AIBU to fob him off with some random excuse?

OP posts:

Bimblybomeyelash · 28/10/2021 18:13

I’ve sacked off men for far less! On the other hand my DH used to laugh at me for how I drank coffee. Apparently I lifted the cup nearly to my lips, paused, and then drank. He found the pause hilarious. I had no idea that I did it. In fact I probably still do it and he’s just got over it!

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 28/10/2021 18:17

big tongue

I’m not liking this.

Original poster

allenkeys · 28/10/2021 18:18

@ChatterMonkey

Clutching at straws as to a reason... Sometimes if im drinking from a very full glass or cup, i 'find' the edge with my bottom lip as im about to drink it to stop me from tilting it too early and spilling it... Could he have just been doing a version of that that appeared more obvious because he was extra nervous about spilling all over himself on a date...?

Now im worried that what i do is offputting, i figured it was normal....? I never do it with my tongue though, just more resting on my bottom lip before tilting...

Oh. I never thought of that.

Oh well, too late now. I've seen it now and cannot un-see it.

OP posts:

Els1e · 28/10/2021 18:19

Cringing now, cos I drink like this. No idea why, always have done. Though not the looking into another person’s eyes while doing so. I find if I make the effort not to use my tongue to guide, I invariably spill my tea down me. Do have dyspraxia which I thought was the reason for oddity.

Anonymous48 · 28/10/2021 18:19

I'm having a hard time picturing this, but I feel like if there'd really been a connection something like this wouldn't have grossed you out so much.

KurtWildeWitchOfTheWoods · 28/10/2021 18:22

My first boyfriend used to take a little sniff of anything he had to drink before actually taking a drink. First time he stayed at mine I made him a coffee, he did this and for some reason it suddenly really annoyed me. I blurted out 'I'm not trying to poison you!' And he was actually really embarrassed, said he'd picked the habit up as a kid when his brother used to put shampoo and other toiletries in his drink. Oops!

MrsToothyBitch · 28/10/2021 18:24

You can't go back. You have the ick- he gave you the ick. Once you have the ick it can't be undone. What it seen cannot be unseen.

I gave a second chance to someone who had majorly given me the ick. I couldn't undo the ick and he icked me out some more- also tongue related. Just accept it and move on.

girlmom21 · 28/10/2021 18:29

Why are some people suggesting this was something sexual or perverse?

People just have weird habits and this was one of them that's given OP the ick.

Sparklfairy · 28/10/2021 18:32

It wasn't a date, but a meeting when I saw a man do this (only worse). Lifted the coffee cup, took a sip, then licked the side to catch a drip! He wasn't subtle about it either

TempleofZoom · 28/10/2021 18:34

@girlmom21

Why are some people suggesting this was something sexual or perverse?

People just have weird habits and this was one of them that's given OP the ick.

She said he looked at her over the cup while he did it. So I asked if she thought he was a tongue twizzling perv or just had a wierd habit

ChaToilLeam · 28/10/2021 18:37

Urge, it sounds like he might be trying to be sexy at you with his coffee cup! I’m icked from here.

TheRealHousewife · 28/10/2021 18:42

I don’t know what you mean by tongue 👅 on coffee ☕️ cup … I must have lived a sheltered life.

Can you do a diagram please 🙏

BigFatLiar · 28/10/2021 18:47

he sipped his coffee while looking at me and he... eurgh .. momentarily rested his tongue on the cup before drinking from it.

Perhaps a weird habit that he's picked up, why didn't you just ask him?
Maybe it's a move he saw on a porn site that entices young ladies to do perverted things after they see how well he can use his tongue!

he sipped his coffee while looking at me

Good grief how dare he! I think I'd spill it if I tried drinking without paying attention (the frequent dribbles down my front attest to that).

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 28/10/2021 18:50

He sipped his coffee while looking at me

@BigFatLiar comedy gold!

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 28/10/2021 18:52

@Ijustknowitstimetogo

big tongue

I’m not liking this.

On the contrary a big tongue 👅 is no bad thing 😋

Kite22 · 28/10/2021 18:58

I have absolutely no idea what the issue is here.

when I saw a man do this (only worse). Lifted the coffee cup, took a sip, then licked the side to catch a drip! He wasn't subtle about it either

nor here

Am amazed how some people on MN get through life on a day to day basis

dworky · 28/10/2021 18:59

Oh, no no no!

Sparklfairy · 28/10/2021 19:03

@Kite22

I have absolutely no idea what the issue is here.

when I saw a man do this (only worse). Lifted the coffee cup, took a sip, then licked the side to catch a drip! He wasn't subtle about it either

nor here

Am amazed how some people on MN get through life on a day to day basis

I don't know, a grown man in a suit in a business meeting chasing a stray coffee drip the full length of his mug and back up again with his tongue was not the most professional look!

BigFatLiar · 28/10/2021 19:06

when I saw a man do this (only worse). Lifted the coffee cup, took a sip, then licked the side to catch a drip! He wasn't subtle about it either

On one of our early dates we went to a tea dance. OH got me to tuck a napkin in the top of my dress and another on my laps. I was a bit but he did as well. The staff didn't seem to care and at least I didn't end up with drips down the front of my dress. (And no I'not married to Poirot!)

blueirises · 28/10/2021 19:10

This is reminiscent of an episode of Jonathan Creek, where he has a date with a policewoman (Nicola Walker) and gets the massive ick when she sticks her tongue out before eating a forkful of pasta. It was a sort of snakey tongue movement and she looked at him flirtatiously at the same time. Bleeurgh

Sparklfairy · 28/10/2021 19:11

@blueirises

I was only about 9 when Jonathan Creek was on and I remember that episode!!

Sexnotgender · 28/10/2021 19:15

Some people do just drink like this. Yes it’s a bit weird but if he’s nice otherwise I’d give him another chance.

I nearly cancelled an online date. Just got cold feet. I’m glad I didn’t as we’re now married with 2 children!

BigYellowHat · 28/10/2021 19:17

Don’t be one of these people who writes someone off because they do one silly thing on a first date. You could easily miss the love of your life this way. Give him one last chance and see if there’s any spark old say.

KateTheEighth · 28/10/2021 19:29

Did he wiggle it too?

Lachimolala · 28/10/2021 19:40

I think it might just be a ‘thing’ some people do, I drink like this. No ones ever mentioned it? Do people think I’m a ‘sick and twisted pervert’ . . .

I swear I’m not. I just use my tongue a lot when eating and drinking 😂

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