To not want my ex in my flat after breakup?

[sailweek]

So I recently got dumped by a guy I thought was the one. It was a fairly short but intense relationship.

I live in a shared flat with two others. A guy and a girl. My ex met my guy flatmate quite soon after we started dating, and they got on really well. And are now good mates.

Now I know the mature thing is to let them get on with their friendship, and to avoid my ex as my broken little heart heals itself. I’ve said as such to my friend, just don’t talk to me about when you hang out. I told him I would prefer if he didn’t come into the flat for a while.

I’m away at home for the weekend this week. There is a local gig that we were all going to go to, and I really wanted to go to. I decided I needed to get out of town so sold my ticket on.

My flatmate text me to say that he wanted to hold a pre drinks in the flat. My ex has a ticket and they are going together so he would want to pre too. My flatmate said he understood that I didn’t want my ex in the flat but he wanted to host pres and that he would have to get someone else to organise them if my ex wasnt allowed in the flat.

Now I get I probably am being over the top as I am not even in the flat. But I really don’t like the idea of him being in ‘my space’ if you get me.

I agreed to him coming over, as I had little choice, as it is my friend’s flat as much as it is mine. However the flatmate has never been through a break up, so I don’t think he quite gets how bad a breakup hurts.

Your flat mare shouldn’t have to ask if their friend can come over, they could tell you friend is coming incase you walked in and was caught unawares. Talk to your flatmate so they don’t feel awkward when your ex is over. If he’s there and you walk on say hello then leave them to to it.

Unfortunately if your flatmate is friends with your ex, then this is going to have to happen- you’re not even there this time

This is why you should keep your relationships separate from your friends, if one goes wrong you don't want the other causing problems too.

I think you know YABU because you agreed to him coming over - if you thought you were right, you'd have put your foot down. Really you need to consider moving though because he'll probably be over again.

So you won’t even be there? Completely unreasonable I sat

Are you actually friends with your flatmate? Is your ex now their closer friend than you are?

How much do you love this place?

I’d consider moving, nothing like a fresh start decorating a new room & the excitement of living in a different suburb / space

To be honest, if I was in this situation with a flatmate, I think I'd have the decency to arrange to meet elsewhere for a while at least.

I would be looking to move

I’d be looking to move too.

You can’t stop who your flat mate or friend has in the apartment and I’d also not want ex in my space. Think it’s insensitive but it’s reasonable because it’s their home as well.

He's already been pretty accommodating and sensitive to your requests, this one is totally unreasonable, you're not even going to be there

If you're not going to be able to handle this, you need to move as soon as possible. You can't ask your flatmate to ban a friend of his or have their meetups revolve around your schedule, even if it is your ex.

I’m away at home for the weekend this week. There is a local gig that we were all going to go to, and I really wanted to go to. I decided I needed to get out of town so sold my ticket on.

My flatmate text me to say that he wanted to hold a pre drinks in the flat. My ex has a ticket and they are going together so he would want to pre too. My flatmate said he understood that I didn’t want my ex in the flat but he wanted to host pres and that he would have to get someone else to organise them if my ex wasnt allowed in the flat.

but you are not there? Its flat mates home as well

But it's a shared flat so unless the ex is in your bedroom it's not your space but communal space unfortunately.

Make plans to move out. If you’ve had your heart broken by a guy you thought was the one, you need space to move on and forget him. You can’t do that if you live with someone who invites him over.

This isn’t about being reasonable vs unreasonable, this is about your feelings in a situation that no longer works for you.

I think it would be insensitive of your flat mate if you were going to be there, but as you aren’t, you are being unreasonable.