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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People who stand really close to you

53 replies

Whathesaid · 27/10/2021 22:05

Does it make you uncomfortable?

I don’t mean due to covid etc, although that probably doesn’t help. But, covid aside, those people who stand really close to you when talking, have you met them? Does it bother you or am I the weirdo here?!

OP posts:

Original poster

Whathesaid · 27/10/2021 22:28

@FictionalCharacter Yes, it can feel a little intimidating, just very uncomfortable

OP posts:

NiceGerbil · 27/10/2021 22:30

@Henrysmycat

I find that people from overcrowded countries/places stand very close to you. It took me forever to get used to people invading my personal space in China’s major cities and all over India while in Texas, you needed a megaphone as they standing so far from you.

YY that was what my USA friend said! They have much bigger personal space and then talk louder!

Interesting.

Original poster

Whathesaid · 27/10/2021 22:32

@NiceGerbil Ohhhh so ‘That’s’ why they talk so loudly?

OP posts:

NiceGerbil · 27/10/2021 22:36

I wouldn't like to generalise obv!

She was really uncomfy with our staff office. Felt the desks were tiny and we were all on top of each other!

NiceGerbil · 27/10/2021 22:37

They seem to have cubicles don't they.

I'd feel weird with that I like to see colleagues and chat etc!

fourandnomore · 27/10/2021 22:41

A friend’s husband does this, every time. I move backwards and he just bends towards me. I mentioned him to a friend I didn’t think would know him (not related to this characteristic but an anecdote) and said I don’t think you know them. She said oh I think I might, does the dad stand super close to you when he’s talking?! Obviously not just me! I find it really uncomfortable and I’m a fairly tactile person.

PresidentJoey · 27/10/2021 22:42

It's about the 'circle of trust' OP I don't live in the UK and it's been a running joke that it's taken covid to teach people here how to queue properly and respect personal space.

Strangely enough, it's the British expats who seem to be invading my space now - I'm like 'Back the fuck off Barry, 3m please!'

themuttsnutts · 27/10/2021 22:49

I do sometimes because I don't hear well - especially with the masks

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/10/2021 22:52

Seinfeld fans will recognise the annoyance that is... a close talker.

Yestoallthecake · 27/10/2021 23:01

My parents neighbour does it. My mum started talking to her at the bottom of her driveway, as neighbour was so close my mum kept backing up until she was at her doorway 20 meters away

VioletVesper · 27/10/2021 23:03

I have a boss who does this. She’s lovely but also waves her hands around a lot so if I’m say at my desk and she’s stood next to me, I literally feel like she’s going to smack me in the face! I lean back as far as possible but she doesn’t pick up on it all. I just don’t understand how people don’t realise they are tooooo close.

ClinkeyMonkey · 27/10/2021 23:09

I can't stand having anyone in my face. I feel a mixture of anger and panic. I also hate people who touch me, usually my arm, while they talk to me. It makes me feel trapped. I have always wondered if I'm a bit weird!!

PixieLaLa · 27/10/2021 23:20

Omg hated it before Covid, hate it now!

BogRollBOGOF · 27/10/2021 23:27

2m from strangers was the only benefit of social distancing. People do seem to still be more aware of where they place themselves than previously.

I'm short so easily feel uncomfortable when taller people loom over me, and in busy places, my face height is often shoulder or armpit height which is great for feeling claustrophobic.

One person I was dealing with in the spring seemed to still step in too close even by normal standards let alone supppsedly following "Covid secure" risk assessments. I strongly suspect that she's neuro-diverse but is an age where such conditions weren't recognised in females.
Every time I took a step for more space, she closed the gap again. I'd have felt uncomfortable anyway!

Some people are oblivious. Quite a lot are impatient. Some are using it to be assertive/ intimidating.

TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons · 27/10/2021 23:29

It's always freaked me out, but I'm autistic, so I don't know if it's that.

SuperSleepyBaby · 27/10/2021 23:32

Some people who do this might just have poor social skills or autism.

Babyfg · 27/10/2021 23:37

Oh I hate it so much. When I queue in a shop I tap one of my feet behind me to sort of kick anyone who might be behind because way to often there is someone right up my back. It makes me so uncomfortable people being to close.

I understand people might have social difficulties but it can not be anywhere near the amount of people who invade peoples spaces on the regular.

I once had a man so close to me in a queue I sneezed and head butted him with the back of my head....like that's not normal behaviour

ilovepixie · 27/10/2021 23:38

I just fling my handbag over my shoulder and whack them in the face!

FrankButchersDickieBow · 27/10/2021 23:41

I hate it. A colleague came to show me something on my computer the other day and her books we actually pressed in to my back. I told her she was standing way too close. Some people have zero boundaries.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 27/10/2021 23:42

*Boobs were

Pinkchocolate · 27/10/2021 23:43

I’ve had a couple of male friends like this. One of them would get really excitable and animated when telling a story and wouldn’t realise it until we told him at which point he’d get really embarrassed. The other one was a perv and would only stop when called out on it.

Waitwaitwait · 27/10/2021 23:45

People In queues standing so close you can feel them breath, yountake a step forward or to the side and they follow you. Pisses me right off! Doesn't help im short too so i can feel them hoovering above me aswell as behind me. Makes me feel all sweaty and trapped. Deepending on my mood/situation i range from a glare, stepping back and accidentally stepping on their foot or if holding a basket turning round so the basket os between us, if it accidentally hits them, thats on them for being so close. I do occasionally ask nicely, this is usually met with huffs and glares.

tulippa · 27/10/2021 23:51

YANBU at all. It really stresses me out when I get someone breathing down my neck behind me in a queue. I don't understand why they do it, it's not like they'll get served any quicker.
I have quite long hair so will flick it right back in their face. That usually gets them to move.

Waitwaitwait · 27/10/2021 23:53

Oh and for me when someone gets too close as they are talking, i am Literally straing at their chest, there is one woman at work that does this. I'm 5ft she is 5'6/7 she stands that close i am talking to her boobs. To talk to her face i have to crane my neck so far back its painful, if you step back she follows. The worst is when you are sat at your desk, and she leans right over you to the point her nose is literally an inch from the top of your head.

Theblacksheepandme · 27/10/2021 23:55

When my now teen daughter was a baby and in her pushchair, I noticed when people stood too close to her she would kick them by flapping her feet up and down. It made me smile and I never told her off for it. Obviously if I was in a crowded place people couldn't help it but at other times there was no need to be practically sitting in the pushchair with her.

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