Anyone else feel like people aren’t that bothered?

[Romantique]

I usually find that when I leave a job, most people don’t stay in contact with you even if you got on well at work. I suppose I considered them friends but they only considered me a colleague.

I left my job in the summer, and a girl had started there in the last 2 months I was there. We worked together quite a few times and when I left she added me on social media. I tried to keep in touch and she replied, but I noticed she’d never initiate anything first.
I asked her to let me know what date she was free for a coffee and she said she would get back to me and never did. I haven’t heard from her since, but I see via social media that she’s always going out with another colleague she met at our job, I guess they hit it off more.

I have one friend who messages every few weeks to ask how I am, otherwise next to nobody. I work 50+ hours a week so meeting new people is hard and I honestly don’t have the time or energy.

I think I’m a nice, friendly person and not mean, gossipy or anything, or overly negative. I see people with big groups of friends always out and I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Anyone else ?

I messaged an old colleague yesterday, after he requested to follow me on social media. I just got “Yeah job’s fine, hope you’re good “. And no reply to my next message, don’t see what the point was really.

I've never wanted to make friendships from work colleagues. As far as I'm concerned when you leave a job, someone replaces you or the hole you left disappears and people just carry on and forget you.

I don't think it is unfeeling but people's real lives aren't at work, they are at home.

I think there's a difference between work friends and friends who you have met at work.

Over the years I've had many work friends who I liked, got on with, and would message, but most of the friendship was centred round the fact we saw each other daily, socialised with others from work etc.

Then there's friends who I met at work, but that friendships evolved into a deeper friendship. Typically these are people with shared hobbies and interests, shared values, we've socialised with other halves and done family meet ups.

There was nothing wrong with the first group of people. They were friendships that lasted a season and naturally drifted.

Not everyone has large friendship groups, and also not all photos of large friendships groups are deep friendships. The photo only shows you some of the picture.

I think you get to a certain age, not sure how old you are and it's harder to make friends. People already have their friends and social group.

Not saying you come off a desperate but it may seem that making connections for you is more important than to other people.

It can take time, join groups / do regular things, look at meet-up website.

When you see people in big groups doesn't mean they are friends / good friends.

I keep in touch with people I worked with for years, but not someone I'd only known 2 months, unless we really hit it off. I think your overthinking this particular case at least.

The overall trend of people falling out of contact I can relate to though. I seemed to make all my lifelong friends during a few teenage year, and everyone since has been transient to a greater or lesser degree.

Personally I think seeing work colleagues as true friends is risky. There are all sorts of conflicts of interest within a work environment that can wreck friendship …being promoted over a colleague, getting pay rises, moving dept….all sorts of pitfalls. I’m afraid after leaving you’ve discovered one of these pitfalls.
Try and take up hobbies and interests outside of work (weekends?) that act as a more healthy platform for real lasting friendship. Work is a time and place in your life.

Proper friendships from work area rare imo.

You're thrown together and plenty to talk about IE work. Always nice to have mates and lunch etc. But even those you share a fair bit about life outside tend to stop when leave.

In 30 years work I've had maybe 6 that lasted for a long time after.

If you want to make friends then for me outside work stuff, local things are best. The usual- friendly local pubs, clubs and etc etc

One of my closest friends is a guy I met at work years ago. But other than I don’t really keep in touch with people, I might have them on Facebook, but wouldn’t meet up with them.